justmeturtle.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Facebook is great because when you see all your friends at a baby shower you weren’t invited to you can stop making the baby blanket and use that expensive yarn for yourself guilt free.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Everyone will know what it means if you label your approachability sharp shit junk drawer jr

submitted 8 days ago • 3 comments

The thing is I hardly ever fuck around but I’m always finding out.

submitted 88 days ago • 4 comments

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I wonder where the nearest Waffle House is.

submitted 8 days ago • 12 comments

So full of microplastics I sneezed out a credit card that I'm not even be approved for.

submitted 9 days ago • 9 comments

From a distance all was clear It’s when the big picture began to appear It wasn’t about hope although that thought did hold some attraction It was more about finding the right course of action

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

Rod Stewart made the cover of AARP magazine and I can’t help but think that this does not bode well for Maggie.

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

Do you live under a rock? No, but these days I’d like to.

submitted 59 days ago • 1 comment

I spent 20 bucks at McDonald’s but McDonald’s spent nothing at my Etsy. I don’t have an Etsy but that’s besides the point. Down with McTrade Deficits! Up with McTariffs!

submitted 61 days ago • 0 comments

Killing the spending capacity of middle-class America while simultaneously trying to use us as leverage in a trade war seems poorly thought out.

submitted 61 days ago • 0 comments

accidentally added pete hegseth to the protest chat :(

submitted 65 days ago • 4 comments

It was the best of times, it was the Four Seasons Total Landscaping of Trade policy of times.

submitted 65 days ago • 0 comments

Going to forgo that jelly donut. Hoping to land the centerfold of AARP Magazine once I'm eligible.

submitted 79 days ago • 4 comments

Trump isn’t Hitler, he’s Sergeant Schultz. “I know nothink!”

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments

Sol 1454: Right Navigation Camera (Navcam), taken at 13:01:28.296 (local mean solar time)

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

Chuck Schumer logic: If the government shuts down then Elon will illegally impound money; therefore we must vote to make it legal for Elon to impound money.

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

If I was in a horror movie, I’d be the one who gets drunk, goes outside to see what the noise is and says something dumb like “Oh Chad, is that you?” So, I'd be the third one killed. The couple having sex is always first.

submitted 90 days ago • 18 comments

ME: dies DEATH: Welcome to the afterlife. ME: How do I get to Heaven? DEATH: points Go up those stairs. ME: What about Hell? DEATH: points Go down those stairs. ME: And Limbo? DEATH: points Just duck under that bar.

submitted 90 days ago • 13 comments

It’s been a helluva winter. Half of us look like Kurt Russell at the end of The Thing and half of us look like The Thing

submitted 90 days ago • 16 comments

your choice to be kind to a stranger today could be the one little thing that makes all the difference in starting WWIII

submitted 89 days ago • 1 comment

Watching the sunset is like getting a forehead kiss from the sky.

submitted 90 days ago • 3 comments

if you die choking on a corn dog then can I have the rest of your corn dog

submitted 89 days ago • 15 comments

Wanted: Members for Greek chorus to follow me around and comment on my life. Some light wailing and lamentation required.

submitted 91 days ago • 5 comments

This wouldn’t be news if it was a white flashlight.

submitted 90 days ago • 27 comments

You know they make the blenders loud so you can't hear the fruit screaming.

submitted 189 days ago • 51 comments

Trump backed GOP into a big corner with his “balanced budget” point. The ONLY way House GOP could even think about upholding their “no cuts to Medicaid” swing seat promises and their spending cut mandates is deficit spending and bad math. Now they have to gut Medicaid & hand it to Elon in public.

submitted 96 days ago • 1170 comments

AOC: It's really because Republicans— they’re very thin skinned and they're very sensitive, and their feelings are very easily hurt. And so they have to vote on censure resolutions.

submitted 95 days ago • 683 comments

writes a very unfavorable Yelp review for my country

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

Save humanity by instructing all the AIs to play solo tic-tac-toe.

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

49% of Troy was like "they tried to kill us yesterday" but 51 were chanting HORSE! HORSE! really loud

submitted 102 days ago • 26 comments

standing on a beach before a tsunami: oh sweet the beach is huge right now

submitted 101 days ago • 1 comment

If a movie sequel is subtitled ‘The Final Chapter’ there are 3 things of which you can be certain: 1. It will not be a good movie 2. The producers know that the series should have ended 2 movies ago 3. It will in fact turn out not to be the final chapter, anyway

submitted 315 days ago • 31 comments

Everyone please give your dogs and cats* a gentle goodnight forehead smoochie from me** (*I’m allergic to cats so this holds true IRL as well ** only if they like/want one!)

submitted 101 days ago • 0 comments

Looking up from the corningware flowers tattooed under each eye "I last forever"

submitted 100 days ago • 4 comments

Coincidences on the rise shouldn't be so all that surprising. What's that thing they always say. For every piano that falls on the sidewalk an equally unrelated piano is out strolling with its gal then falling to pieces being two falls at once doing the time travel paradox rag

submitted 99 days ago • 2 comments

💙 if you stand with UKRAINE? 🇺🇦

submitted 101 days ago • 471 comments

Zelensky left the WH with his head held high & got a royal welcome in the UK. This is how real democratic leaders work. They open their arms to allies, not kick them like dirt. Starmer also signed a €2.26 billion loan for Ukraine. The UK well remembers when Russia declared war on them.

submitted 100 days ago • 3 comments

$30 million That's the current bribe payment needed to Trump to get DOJ to drop charges. The Chinese billionaire, Justin Su, pumped $30M into Trump's crypto scheme & voila. SEC suddenly dropped all charges & a federal judge issued him a stay. Bet the sex trafficking Tate bros paid up, too.

submitted 100 days ago • 8 comments

The always brilliant Moe Davis. He needs to get on BS more. @moedavis.bsky.social

submitted 100 days ago • 1 comment

Slava Ukraini 🇺🇦

submitted 101 days ago • 409 comments