kajiru.bsky.social
Streamer, Artist, and emotional support Gremlin! | Let Love Win! | Making the world a better place | https://linktr.ee/kajiru | 18+
206 posts
998 followers
207 following
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((cw ableist slur, abuse mentions)
docs.google.com/document/d/1...
Spread for awareness if you can. Yesterday reached a boiling point. I could stay silent before. Not anymore. Initial goal set at $6000 between repayments and a moving nest.
ko-fi.com/intaurnet
www.paypal.com/paypalme/vbr...
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B A L D
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That is all rest, yes. And I get rest. I'm saying I need TRUE relaxation time, time where I don't have a billion things bouncing in my head.
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The thing is, I don't need rest. I need time where my brain isn't busy thinking and stressing about all the things I need to do. And right now it's impossible x.x
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I fantasize the ability to have a quest tracker, or task tracker. A HUD in my vision. "Estimated time to complete ALL tasks: 60days" "Daily Tasks" "Bonus tasks" "Where to start with that task" To plan, prioritize, to finally get shit done and feel like I'm getting closer to the goal.
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I know it seems counter intuitive to work, or want to work when I should relax. But every completed task just feels so relieving, like a breath of fresh air, and I feel so much better for a minute, before I remember there's still a million to stress about. And I go right back to trying to distract.
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I feel I'd do a lot better if I could get myself to TRUELY relax more. I don't want to stream less, I love streaming, it makes me happy and gives me a break from anxiety and stress.
I wish I could just, more efficiently work on back log and chores and work when I'm not streaming.
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The long term goal is reach a clean slate again. Off stream work done, chores done, owed art finished, being on top of social life.
But its so hard not to add more to the plate, in the desire and need for serotonin. It's hard to chip away at that backlog. The journey to a clean slate feels hopeless
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If I give myself time to relax, I just stress about things I need to do. If I stream, I'm engrossed and I don't think about stress. I think I stream a lot and it gives the elusion I over work myself. But I think the real issue is don't relax enough, cause I -can't- relax. And I'm struggling.
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And maybe I'm right, streaming is less exhausting and draining to me then other activities. But I think the main issue is I don't relax. Like TRUELY relax. And I think it's cause unless I'm engrossed in something, my mind is bouncing between owed art, social obligations, off stream work, chores....
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For me, that means that just for today, maybe I can admit to myself I'm a tiny-itsy-bit handsome.
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4444
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Always love taurs <3
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God as someone with ADHD this would be SO helpful!! I'd worry people may think "You're only contacting cause an App told you to" but if I used it privately it'd take so much stress away trying to keep up with friends. Especially since I cant set up favorites on Discord.
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Gosh you're pretty <3