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kellyle.bsky.social
Jokes and whatnot. Kelly__le from the Twitter
567 posts 2,812 followers 2,583 following
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It’s too hot to exist.

I found your mom’s vibrator

Brace yourself for what I’m about to say. I’m looking at a woman….in public…floss her teeth…with her hair.

current humidity report: please do a wellness check on your curly-haired friends because we are not okay

Me and some old buddies from the Great War on Christmas are having a paintball tournament tomorrow

It’s been 34 years and I still don’t understand what Color Me Badd meant by “We can do it till we both wake up”.

I’m too fat and perimenopausal for summer in Texas.

This is 100% a picture of Ted Cruz #turdcruz

Six months since cancer check up this morning went well. Feeling better every day. It’s been a long road. FUCK CANCER

I’m glad everyone decided to be finished with Maroon 5.

Can’t wait to step outside & have my face be wet for no reason. #TexasSummer

I'd love to go a day without being annoyed or frustrated or bothered. But I'm a dreamer.

Hanging out with my kid and I felt like I was being watched. ❤️🐱👀#lucypancakes

Dis me

Driving alone in your car and blaring Nirvana is therapy. 💙

If I have to work during the civil war than you’re all getting my worst customer service every time

Eating a brick of cheese as I sit in the waiting area of my cardiologist’s office until my name is called. Earn your co-pay, bitch.

Nobody could invent this shitshow... not even Stephen King. We are literally being held hostage by a whiny-ass, elderly toddler with orange skin.

It’s so hard to choose Father’s Day gifts. Do I pick between the “World’s Best Farter” trophy or the soap that smells like bullets & lava?

PSA… When texting back and forth about your grocery pickup order, please be aware of where your fat thumbs are typing. My fat thumbs almost requested sliced “milf cheese”.

Imagine getting one life on this planet and you end up being Rob Schneider. Gross.

Why do I have multicolored hangers when I only buy black ones?!?!?!

Did I color that white? Yes. Is it my proudest moment? No. Did I giggle? Again, yes.

this is my emotional support clenched jaw