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krystalsim.bsky.social
Writer, fountain of useless trivia and queen of the raised eyebrow. Gobby Scottish Mum. She/her/hers.
198 posts 136 followers 93 following
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“Why didn’t the Eagles just fly the hobbits to Mordor?” You fucking rube, you imbecile. Because by that point they’d been touring constantly since 1976 and Henley and Frey weren’t talking to Fielder The Long Run was a disappointment and they were months away from fighting on stage. Think it through

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

Currently Lady Gaga’s Abracadabra video is the only thing standing between me and the abyss

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Yeah make the kids watch Shrek 5 with the old rendering. You gonna make them listen to cassettes next?

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Ukraine deserves our respect and a lasting peace. Shocking day all round

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Ramadan Mubarak, my friends!

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

“What do we call it when it gets dark, and the sun goes away?” “January.” My son is hilarious 😆

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

To me to you

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Heartbreaking, absolutely no age. RIP

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

FINISH HIM

submitted 23 days ago • 1 comment

Spent my birthday on the hard shoulder of a motorway with other half and a toddler waiting for the RAC to tow our dead car away. We may have a competitor for the title of comically bad birthday, taking over from that flu I got on my 21st.

submitted 31 days ago • 2 comments

I have tickets for Nine Inch Nails and Dethklok on the same week. Living my best metal life this year🤘

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

We cannot lose the PCC. So many memories of this place, we can’t see it go

submitted 36 days ago • 1 comment

Broligarchy, noun. Group of rich men with less charisma than a puddle of sick. Can be spotted dunking on libs for attention, desperate to be liked but intrinsically unlikeable.

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

There’s no such thing as a Roman salute. Tip your history professor. Try again, fash

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

It’s pretty suss how many mutuals I suddenly have with JD Vance on Instagram

submitted 41 days ago • 1 comment

I paid attention to Feelon Rusk for a minute and now I feel queasy. There’s a lesson here

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

Alien Romulus is the Force Awakens of the Alien franchise. See it’s like poetry, it rhymes… Alien Isolation inspired, LOVE THAT! Young people try to escape goalpost-shifting existence. Woof! Relevant. Great setup & payoff. Didn’t hate all the fan service but at least 3 dialogue Easter eggs too many

submitted 45 days ago • 2 comments

Wait wait… so could the TikTok ban the antidote to US exceptionalism? Americans are on Rednote learning the Chinese have lower tax/grocery costs and it’s taking an absolute CHUNK out of the “greatest country on Earth” narrative. The lesson is, demand better of your governments folks!

submitted 45 days ago • 1 comment

There are tributes and then there are tributes. RIP, David Lynch. A massive loss

submitted 47 days ago • 0 comments

People: you can’t hear pictures. Me:

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

I looked up that ‘whatever movie was #1 when you turned 10 is how your year will turn out’ thing— for a laugh… and I got Schindler’s List. So I’m not playing anymore.

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

I’m having a really overwhelming day. Then my son sees a wedding photo of me and tells me that I look like a pretty ballerina, and things just feel better 🥹 Weans are magic, so they are!

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

I’m Krystal, here to guide you through your “shit I should’ve been asleep an hour ago” meditation. Breathe and relax your shoulders. Let the tension melt away as you dissociate to Candy Crush for an all-too-brief 10 minutes. Remember that TikTok about Loretta Young. Now open Wikipedia…

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

“Mummy, the sun’s out!” Announced my shirtless toddler from the sofa, unperturbed by the minus 3 weather. He’s the most Glaswegian child in Surrey.

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

Oh January - that magical time when it truly feels like a new journal could fix you. (It won’t).

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

Whenever right-wingers start lashing out at each other:

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments