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kzamierowski.bsky.social
“I hate the big decisions, that cause endless revisions in my mind.”—Candy Says, The Velvet Underground
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Accompanied by accessorized poultry pics, I rocked my favorite pair of Vigoss jeans on my day off, with two otherwise different looks. I’ve not blogged for awhile and am contemplating a fashion piece.

Pennywise calls to you from a book shelf of theory on horror, madness, and monstrosity.

I found “A Hell of a Summer” genuinely entertaining. It was original and really funny—something I’d definitely re-watch. In a way, it did, successfully, what “The Monkey” tried to do but wasn’t able to.

My last four watched for Letterboxd Friday:

My picks from yesterday’s bookstore browsing. We’re going to one more today. I’m going to try not to spend any more money, but I make no promises.

Today my parents and I are enjoying brunch at a Mexican restaurant in Cary, NC, flanked by mall-walking and bookstore hopping. My kinda day 😎

I had a dream last night that I was doing a presentation on the ageist narratives surrounding Joe Biden’s presidency. That was my mind’s way of wishing that we still had a president whose biggest ostensible problem was that he acted like an old man.

Survived my kayaking adventure. It was great fun & the scenery was gorgeous!

Pre-kayaking selfie with my mom & sister at the Haw River in NC.

I paused when my sister suggested kayaking tomorrow. A million trepidations crept up, including a fear of being the fat one who can’t hack the trip. But that doesn’t stop me from dancing in performances and going swimming. It sounds beautiful & I used to love kayaking. I’m so in. Do it fat.

‘Tis time for my mom and sister to glide like effortless seraphim through suburban Chapel Hill while I waddle next to them through the bumpy terrain, red-faced and sweaty, trying to mask the fact that I’m gasping for breath. I’ll take thoughts and prayers.

In other news, my friend has a neighborhood turkey who really likes chilling around humans. The noble bird pooped all over the driveway and chased the mailman, but he’s pretty damn cute.

Catching a flight to North Carolina in three hours for a family visit.

I told my boss I had a job offer with a higher salary & had to take it to pay bills. She spoke to our district manager, who got me a sizable raise that basically matched the other company’s offer. It was not an outcome I anticipated, but I’m grateful. I feel valued. I work for good people.

I once shouted "it's about the broccoli you fool" when I was dead asleep and now I really wish I knew what was going on with that dream

#TeslaTakedown Seattle in SODO.

Day 68 into the GOP takeover: Prices are going up. Consumer confidence is plummeting. Classified info is being leaked. Social Security is being dismantled. Residents are being arrested for their political views.

Proud of journalists & outlets still standing up to power in the face of threats while Big Law, corporations, and other institutions capitulate: Wired, Mother Jones, Rolling Stone, Miami Herald, Techdirt, Marisa Kabas, the Unpoulist, ProPublica, MSNBC. (Feel free to add others in replies)

me last week in a food-poisoning delirium: The ALIEN movies are about the fear of throwing up.

Can someone please hurry up and make a YouTube channel of muppets re-enacting horror movie scenes? I need that in my life right now.

Reading Phillip Roth’s “Everyman” right now. Enjoying the emphasis on passing time and the anxiety around mortality, especially as someone who, as a child especially, always struggled with a fear of dying. The reality would hit me suddenly & knock the wind out of me.

The Woman in the Yard was more interesting than I thought it would be, but I’m left with the feeling that the narrative punishes Black female discontent in a way that it wouldn’t do if the story were told with a white woman (in which case I feel the discontent would be validated).

@mycomicrelief.bsky.social showed me his phone’s wallpaper recommendations. It would appear that out of all the family and friend photos it could have chosen (there are many), the phone took a liking to me. Sigh. iPhones recognize fabulousness when they see it.

I want to return to teaching so badly, but part of me feels I might be a retail girl at heart. It’s like I’m in the scene of Plath’s The Bell Jar where Esther imagines a fig tree of mutually exclusive possibilities for her life—but, I’m approaching middle age and my tree has only two figs.

Woke up feeling unusually phenomenal today. Headed to my favorite Starbucks for some reading and writing.

Getting fancy for a job interview.

I love most of my co-workers, but when they refer to the size XL, 38D mannequin as the “plus-sized mannequin” I want so badly to chuckle and tell them how cute that is. People who have never worn over a medium are the least likely to understand the difference between standard sizes and plus sizes.

I ate a Turkey Burger in paradise at a Jimmy Buffet restaurant in Myrtle Beach to avoid judgement from my health-conscious parents. As I sit at this crowded McDonald’s on an overcast afternoon, I think, “that’s regret.”

My SM and I struggled with mannequins for half of my 9-hour shift yesterday. I was sweaty, and almost late, for my co-manager interview with a major makeup retailer. Not sure how it went; my lips were chapped and my eyeliner was smudged. But they don’t use mannequins—one of many appealing things.

My refrigerator currently contains no cheese. Therefore, I am lost.

I love the beat and some of the lyrics to the song “Nicotine & Gravy” by Beck. Other lyrics in the song seem strange and uncomfortable to me, creating a pointed feeling of ambivalence for the song that I rarely posses for any one piece of music.

Last night I dreamt that I awoke from an unplanned, sudden sleep in a huge puddle of my own blood. Let’s see how this day goes.

12-8 shift today. I’ve been working OT this week to finish a big floor move that we don’t have the staff for, and the new SM is letting my help come in an hour-ish late so she can get a haircut. It’s a loose leggings and favorite black fleece kind of day.

Loving the beautiful, romantic simplicity of this Fendi ad, and the timelessness of the outfits. Jewelry looks this season are sensational.

This outfit is so fucking fabulous.

My psychiatrist raised my zoloft script from 50 to 100mg, for obsessive thoughts. “I’ve gone as high as 400 mgs of sertraline for OCD” he assured me. “I’m sorry. I won’t be able to make it go away,” he said after that.

Almost done reading “Weather” by Jenny Offil, which takes place during the shock and disquiet of Trump’s first election to office. I love it so far, especially because the thoughts and observations in it are saturated with a nervous, contemplative energy that I relate to on a deep inner level.

I think I mistook acid reflux for signs of a pulmonary embolism earlier today. Now I’m pondering how serenely (or not) I’d accept news of my imminent and certain death if the marks on my stomach really are cancerous. Would I still derive satisfaction & gratitude from my days or sink into misery?

My puzzle mania has gone on a definitive, extended hiatus. Now I must focus, lest my dissertation fall victim to a similar fate.

Eating instant ramen, drinking recess mood water, and flipping through Vogue advertisements because I can’t sleep. Louis Vuitton, Dior, and Fendi are my favorite March ads, in terms of fashion and photography. If I lost 80 lbs and went to the dentist more, could I begin to be so fabulous?

Dream recollection time: Last night I dreamt that an old acquaintance of mine turned into a keychain. I took her to her favorite sorceress to undo the curse, but the sorceress said that turning keychains back into human beings was beyond her capability.

Thanks to the NYT spelling bee, this morning I learned that irritator, while not a common noun, is the name of a dinosaur from the early crustaceous period. I still feel like it would be a good noun, or a name for an anti-hero.

Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a 25 meter swimming pool with friends when we realized there was a giant, happy axolotl just hanging out on the bottom of the pool. I scolded one of them for leaving the door open & allowing the axolotl to wander in.

Just woke up from a dream in which I was carefully planning the imagery, mood, and plot points of a story I called “El Jardin.” It was about a man who cultivated a beautiful garden where he would lure people to do horrific things. Weirdly, I haven’t written a short story in 10+ years.

They called him Sleepy Joe because we could sleep at night.

From Stephen King & Mike Flanagan. The mystery of a lifetime. THE LIFE OF CHUCK. How do you describe the indescribable? See for yourself in theaters June.

Have you ever gone outside to watch a lunar eclipse, only to realize you’re three days early? No? Ummm, me either, I was just asking…

Going through one of those phases where everything sounds fun and I don’t want to sleep. Yikes. Yippee? Yikes…

Rough Sunday night. 2-10 floorset shift.