livingwithcptsd.bsky.social
Personal journal about living with CPTSD from life-long psychological abuse of parents with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
"Being Broken", my memoir about survival and death from Narcissistic Parental Abuse, is available here:
https://a.co/d/6AvDQkL
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...that has outstayed its welcome.
I know that once this part was important to keep me safe. Now it has become a hindrance to my healing journey.
Now that I have identified it, I can work with it.
No bad parts, but some we outgrow.
#IFS
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Shutting me down and making me shut my mouth so I wouldn't experience any more abuse for speaking up.
But his threat is no longer there, he's dead. So, this part was initially created to protect me, but is no longer needed. However, it still shows up and puts me in a state of fear.
Like a guest...
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...was exposing them. Even at 47, my stepfather's rage was intimidating.
So, when my book arrived yesterday I started to experience anxiety and dissociation. Everything was out there, I didn't hold back.
In session yesterday I was able to identify that part.
It was created to protect me by...
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...threats, and mocking. We were taught to be ashamed of our feelings, that there was something wrong with us. We couldn't talk about it.
When my sister died I started writing about it. My stepfather threatened legal action. Not because I was 'tarnishing my sister's reputation', but because I...
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Or the more common "I'll give you something to cry about". Such compassionate parenting.
This only teaches us to supress, and be ashamed of, our emotions.
Until it all comes to a boil, or into a bottle or needle.
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You are not alone. We are not alone. We are finally being heard. Chin up.
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I suspect that club is rather large, just not seen enough. 😏
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...bender and go missing for a couple of days. The last time was just after Xmas day '21, she was missing for 10 days. Dead a couple after that.
But I celebrated with my family today. I made the day perfect, just as she would have wanted.
I miss you, my sister.
Happy Easter.
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...where she would be panicking from fear that it wasn't enough.
Unfortunately, our family just wasn't capable of being happy anymore, even for holidays.
Alcohol, anger, drugs would result in an argument, or someone leaving, usually me because of my boundaries.
Then she would spiral, go on a...
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Awesome!
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Thank you. It is appreciated.
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That is something to be truly proud of. Congratulations.
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On a spade guitar no less!
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The official reviewers page:
readersfavorite.com/book-review/...
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Read the full review here:
geoffreyrjonas.ca
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Of course I also understand that her disease can create a fantasy world where she actually believes what she is saying.
It is sad that she has to live there, in anger and deceit.
Just breathe. Distract. Know it's not about you.
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The problem is knowing this is happening, while my daughter was present, is incredibly triggering.
I'm so tired of these fucking mind games. I understand that she is sick. Comorbid of Alzheimer's and #NPD. My partner even tried to excuse it.
There is no excuse for shitty behaviour. It is a choice.
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Update: well, my partner took my mother out for dinner the same evening as my visit.
More lies.
I had stormed out in a rage, slammed doors, I have an anger problem.
None of which happened or is true.
This is known as a 'smear campaign' by the narcissist. Typically to rally others to their side.
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Even more relevant today.
open.spotify.com/track/4xXdQ5...
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I truly hope this is accurate. We travel to Alaska all the time from Whitehorse. My partner is heading there soon for a running camp and I am concerned she's going to have trouble at the border.
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Narcissists are incredibly adept at manipulating people to follow them, to placate them, and that the victim will benefit.
It's to lure you in through a process called 'hoovering'. Once trapped, the abuse can begin.
Many don't understand until it happens to them.
We must show up for them.
#NPD
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I do my best to not be political here. That's all you get. 😝
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Grandiose Narcissistic behaviour, exacerbated by substance use.
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So cool! Thanks bunches!
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I think i might qualify for this.
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If you count gain/loss over the year, it's been more like 50lbs.
Smaller portions, more fruit and veggies, less junk food and sugary snacks.
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Now available at !ndigo and Chapters!
www.indigo.ca/en-ca/being-...
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As always, you can see the full reviews on my author page.
geoffreyrjonas.ca