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maloneli22.bsky.social
Still believe in magic...
82 posts 639 followers 576 following
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Posts 43 Comments 3

holiday battles

submitted 67 days ago • 5 comments

Yulestarn [YOOL-starn] (n.) A noticeably bright star in the sky appearing on Christmas night.

submitted 68 days ago • 2 comments

Naughty or nice is so stupid let me be mid in peace

submitted 67 days ago • 1 comment

My Sunday Post....

submitted 68 days ago • 3 comments

We don't call it Xbox in our house. We call it by it's full and proper name, Christbox.

submitted 67 days ago • 30 comments

simon made me put on his tie so he can wish y’all a happy holiday season ❤️💚

submitted 67 days ago • 19 comments

waiter: are there any allergies at the table? me (already drunk): BEES

submitted 67 days ago • 56 comments

If you eat in bed, make sure to leave a lot of crumbs, they act as an exfoliant. Self care is my passion 😬

submitted 68 days ago • 36 comments

Spouse is currently writing an email to the writer of our favorite Columbo episode, to thank him

submitted 67 days ago • 5 comments

just saw 3 young women splitting 1 burger and I’m about to light myself on fire in front of them

submitted 67 days ago • 9 comments

submitted 68 days ago • 1 comment

A large group of strangers is called a nightmare.

submitted 514 days ago • 15 comments

I have weird dogs. Both of them absolutely freak when you take their collars off. "Don't look! I'm naked!"

submitted 67 days ago • 26 comments

I saw your love poem. Gross

submitted 68 days ago • 11 comments

I walked into the bedroom to put away my vibrator and it fell to the floor, turning itself on. I bent over to pick it up and heard a noise from the other side of the room. I turned my head to see my son, petting the dog on my bed. Anyways, the gofundme for therapy will be announced later…

submitted 68 days ago • 11 comments

Apparently I can only sign in here via my IPad WTH?

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

every day I understand a little more why Arya Stark kept that list

submitted 86 days ago • 268 comments

#ArtAdventCalendar December moonrise

submitted 85 days ago • 1 comment

I fear being rich no longer means being in the back seat eating dijon mustard from the jar.

submitted 86 days ago • 153 comments

Ibuprofen isn’t enough I need to become an invertebrate

submitted 86 days ago • 38 comments

My husband and I awoke in the middle of the night to discover our daughter standing in our bedroom doorway telling us how cute we are Kids. Are. Terrifying.

submitted 85 days ago • 3 comments

*reheats same cup of coffee for the 20th time*

submitted 85 days ago • 3 comments

oh, crap! Cyber Monday ends tonight?!? can somebody give me a ride to the internet??

submitted 87 days ago • 6 comments

"There is only one lesson life is trying to teach us –– shut the fuck up and enjoy the view." -Charles Bukowski

submitted 87 days ago • 1 comment

hostess: How many people for your table? me: Like a trade?

submitted 87 days ago • 92 comments

Don’t ever let someone tell you you can’t do something you go out and show them you can’t do it.

submitted 87 days ago • 1 comment

At night she danced with her ghosts.

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

Them: What do you want for Christmas? Me: A fucking break... Them: 🙄

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

The snow tires that have been on my car all year are relevant again.

submitted 88 days ago • 14 comments

Twitter is basically the used condom of social media.

submitted 88 days ago • 1234 comments

I love the Charlie Brown Christmas special. There's an eerie loneliness that hangs over the whole thing. The music, Charlie Brown's depression, the dying little tree, the flatness of the children's voices, the inevitability of death. A Christmas masterpiece.

submitted 88 days ago • 659 comments

Who knew the REAL East Coast vs West Coast Rap Beef would be between Flavor Flav & Snoop Dogg for the role "America's Sweetheart"

submitted 88 days ago • 100 comments

I’m getting one of those barbed wire tattoos so no one tries to break into my upper arm

submitted 88 days ago • 13 comments

Sending out W-2s this year instead of Christmas cards since mfers want to be all up in my business

submitted 88 days ago • 20 comments

People who invite that creepy Elf on the Shelf into their home clearly haven’t watched enough horror movies.

submitted 88 days ago • 455 comments

I can’t believe that in this day and age, people are still wearing fir.

submitted 88 days ago • 80 comments

How are Mondays still a thing?

submitted 88 days ago • 4 comments

You really can’t get mad at me for asking if you have a smooth brain until you let me scan your prefrontal cortex to check if I’m right.

submitted 88 days ago • 5 comments

They were like Bye Felicia. And I’m like that’s not my name dipshit.

submitted 88 days ago • 2 comments

Decaf? Please stop wasting my time

submitted 305 days ago • 6 comments

they should invent a notification that doesn’t disturb me

submitted 88 days ago • 6 comments

Tom Cruise does his own stunts because he wants to die

submitted 89 days ago • 224 comments

Getting mauled by a gummy bear would be adorable.

submitted 88 days ago • 3 comments