mamelby.bsky.social
Autist atheist author.
Bitter bigender bisexual.
Feminist fujoshi.
Polyamorous perimenopausal former-physicist.
Scandi-American pseudo-intellectual "she".
@triplebbooks.bsky.social
https://mamelby.wordpress.com
Binge watch skeeting at #crowtitsfujo
5,487 posts
2,568 followers
4,736 following
Getting Started
Active Commenter
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I've gotten it like three times.
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I mean, these are random dudes on FB - so I wouldn't get the satisfaction.
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Not protecting us.
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I was told that if I used the women's room - I deserved to be violently beaten.
You're telling me - those people were right! That they were in solidarity with women?!?
They were protecting and respecting women and girls?!?
No. They are policing *us*.
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Do you want to know a secret?
I am gendered as male very, very rarely in person.
But when someone assumes I am a trans woman - my appearance and gender are immediately violently policed.
I am told I don't "pass" and never will. A sick pervert, a dangerous gross monster.
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Implying that I must be a woman due to health conditions tied to my body parts is just another level of insulting.
Was my womanhood contained within the diseased uterus that nearly killed me and was yeeted into a furnace recently?
🧐
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You're just going to ignore the concerns of gender nonconforming women, in general, to throw your trans sisters under the bus - dismiss them as *infinitesimally small* and their lives and safety unimportant.
Where are you drawing the line? Who looks enough "like a woman" to be one?
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Read the room.
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"Female space" is of no use to me.
And any space that relies on gender or sex segregation to be safe is not actually safe.
Nor should I be subject to sex testing to be able to access public accommodations or services.
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"extreme outlier women"
Are still human beings that live in this world.
And no - I do not want my society or my government policing who is and is not a woman.
It doesn't protect you or me in any way. It's authoritarian nonsense.
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Your premise is flawed.
You can't be in solidarity with women without also being in solidarity with both cis women and trans women.
Our rights are linked. If you take inclusion and autonomy away from trans women, you are taking those away from all women.
Because your policing womanhood.
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So? Are they not women? How "scarred" do they have to be before their womanhood is "impractical"?
We don't want gender policing nonsense.
We also don't kick people out of womanhood or violate their basic human rights even if they are horrible people or fail to be adequately ladylike.
Geez.
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2.
What?!?
You're throwing a lot of cis women under the bus right now as well.
Like?!?!
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Well...
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Even my marriage of 30 years is affected by my lack of choice.
Would I have fallen in love with a girl, before I met my future husband, if I had the choice?
I don't know.
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And it upsets me - that I don't know who I would be if I had a choice. Would I be living as a man right now? Or not? Would I have transitioned as a child? Or not? Would I have a nonbinary identity? Or not?
Taking that freedom away from anyone is wrong.
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Like - when I was a child I thought I must be intersex or something or have the soul of a boy.
When I was in my 20's I was afraid to transition - but also couldn't quite see myself as a man.
The concept of being nonbinary just didn't exist.
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And it's not beneficial to anyone - that's the thing - even for the people who would make all the same choices as the ones that have often been imposed on us by society and the medical establishment.
Having the space and freedom to do what's best for them is good for everyone.
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And yeah, the gatekeeping nonsense is so unnecessary - it's not useful or helpful to people or politically expedient.
What I needed back then was information, community, acceptance, understanding - autonomy.
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Not only did I never transition, I was never diagnosed as ADHD or Autistic, and I was deeply in the closet all through high school.
Plus I was raised in a conservative religious tradition.
And I'm not going to lie - that shit messed me up.
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I've essentially known my entire life - I'm one of those.
But I was born in 1975.
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I mean, I don't have top dysphoria and wouldn't want to deal with the surgery risk - but if I never grew this guys in the first place, that would be fine too.
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I'm 50.
And even though *it's never too late* and all that - my situation is different than if I were 13.
I think that's why I get so angry about young people being denied care.
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It's nice. I have to admit.
I wish other things were different - but unfortunately, not everything is possible or, FOR ME, worth the risks.
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We're social creatures - for various values of "social" - but you know what I mean.
I've dealt with a lot of sexist and misogynist nonsense in my life - and the idea that all of that has come *from men* and not women is absurd.
That's not how real life works.
These are societal problems.
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And TMI - I would never risk my nipple sensitivity.
Not a thing I want to lose.
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I have no top dysphoria. None.
Tell me about it.
But yeah, I get how it's a VERY big deal to a lot of people and changing one's chest is one of the more visible ways that someone can express their gender identity and feel comfortable in their bodies.
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We live in the same society as cis people do - y'know.
It's not like we're all magically immune.
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A lot of folks find larger, easy, categories comforting - because they create structure and predictability and social ease.
So, if someone defies those boundaries - they become distressed - the social short-cuts they rely on don't work and it makes them nervous and annoyed.
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Bisexuals and nonbinary people - just can't win in that regard.
I've not had people treat me like that, at least not directly, but I'm not as open about my identity in my everyday life.
I'm assumed by pretty much everyone to be a cishet woman unless they are told otherwise.
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That's exactly it.
The crew that see you as appropriating an identity, and those who see you as being in denial of an identity.
It's a THING.
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I agree.
I'm also embarrassed that it took someone obnoxiously mocking me for an entire evening to finally stop saying "I have autistic traits and am neurodivergent somehow" to "I'm autistic AF".
It's not an easy issue.
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Fun fact - my husband LOVED the Barbie Movie, like, he was having an EXPERIENCE - and I was just "meh".
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And I thought I was as confused as I possibly could be.
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"I've never had anyone individually try to push me in any which way."
Just for accuracy. Nobody in the trans and nonbinary community has pushed me concerning my gender identity.
I've gotten MUCH more social pressure surrounding my autism. And, I admit, it took *a push* for me to accept my autism.
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Same thing with whether or not I should label myself "disabled" or not, whether I should label myself "trans" or not, whether or not I should label myself "nonbinary" or not.
You get accused by some of appropriation and others of being in denial and/or ashamed of who you are.
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For example - am I "autistic"?
Some people are offended that I call myself autistic because I'm not diagnosed and/or because I don't have high support needs.
Others were offended when I wasn't identifying myself as autistic, because they felt like I was refusing to due to stigma or shame.
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I've never had anyone individually try to push me in any which way.
But I have felt this weird push-pull of identity on the margins - many times - since I'm on the margins of many identity groups, I'm both pushed towards identifying in certain ways and pulled away.
Let me explain. :)
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It becomes bad if the person making such a suggestion is being dismissive or obnoxious about it.
If they are projecting their own experiences much too strongly and are then, in effect, erasing the other person.
That's NOT OKAY.
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As far as seeing eggs everywhere - I don't think most people actually do. USUALLY suggesting that someone might be a trans woman in denial is light hearted or coming from a place of sincere encouragement.
Because folks might be projecting their own journey onto someone else which is not always bad.
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So you get "I am NOT a crossdresser!!!", for example - sometimes because the person thinks crossdressers are unacceptable or politically inconvenient, but in other cases, the person is simply asserting THEMSELVES, and saying: I'm different than that person, more power to them, but I am not them.
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I think there are two reasons.
One is rank respectability politics - that some of those folks are responded to by society in a certain negative ways that gender conforming people aren't.
But the other is a strong desire for various distinct groups to not be conflated and confused.
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I think it's a very niche idea that nonbinary trans women, trans feminine folks, drag queens, femboys, and femgays and butch trans women, etc. are some sort of threat to binary gender conforming trans women - as opposed to natural allies and friends.
But yeah, some folks feel that way.
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#LGBTQWriteAThon
6-16 Goals.
Pay my overdue property taxes. I also have a job interview this week. I need to file some stuff with the court and get a background check done on myself and cut the weeds in my backyard. Do laundry.
Oh - and hopefully FINALLY get my WIP to my proofreader.
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They might even laugh hysterically, or reservedly, or unabashedly, or incessantly, or...