Profile avatar
markydoodoo.bsky.social
Do fish get sad?
44 posts 156 followers 53 following
Prolific Poster
Active Commenter
Posts 30 Comments 20

Must suck when a cow gets nauseous like which one of my four stomachs hurt

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

I really pinpointed the type of ADHD I have today. I was refilling my water bottle with the brita and got distracted by a ding sound the cap made when put it down on the table.

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

What the fuck is this

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

one time I accidentally brought a pizza to a gunfight instead of a gun and we ate the pizza and resolved differences until the last slice of pizza was up for grabs and a gunfight broke out

submitted 19 days ago • 81 comments

Everyone be quiet. My baby is finally sleeping

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

I got my boss so good today I might get fired

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Earn their trust. Now you know their secrets. Destroy them.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

Why should I bother? Vote like for yes Vote repost for no

submitted 26 days ago • 1 comment

Oh you’ve had a rough day? I just found out i washed my hoodie without taking the used tissues out of the pockets so why don’t you just shut the fuck up

submitted 26 days ago • 1 comment

Help me seattle a bet. How hard is it to hide a city name in a sentence?

submitted 27 days ago • 111 comments

I take off my blindfold. Before me is a gory tableau of death and destruction, bodies strewn across the landscape. The piñata is unscathed.

submitted 633 days ago • 14 comments

Bitch get over here and gob on this stob

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

*drops trash in front of roomba* eat, little one. save your strength. we ride at dawn

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

[cookie monster quietly to himself just before going on camera] it's just a job it's just a job it's just a job [camera rolls] (deep sigh) ME WANT COOKIE

submitted 30 days ago • 13 comments

the tariff trade war stuff is pretty complicated but one way you can think about it is that in this scenario the United States is basically Drake and Canada is Kendrick Lamar

submitted 29 days ago • 38 comments

When will god finally strike me down for the wrath I have wrought from my sinister tongue? Never. I shall chortle through his righteous stare and snarl my puns with a dauntless comportment reserved for only the most Herculean of men. Then I jerk the ween.

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

Back in my day we jerked the ween and were PROUD

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

Friends, the time has come for me to hand the reins of Riverbend Candies to my grandson, Brangon. He consumes only a beige powder and spends so much time masturbating that we had to pay for a special surgery to "De-Noodle" his penis. He has some great ideas about how to make money with the computer

submitted 33 days ago • 11 comments

ME: I sure hope it comes out red this time PHLEBOTOMIST: what

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

the inventor of mad libs has died. his funeral well be held at buttface church at penis in the afternoon. in lieu of flowers, please make a donation to the poop foundation

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

[playing poker] FRIEND: I’m all in ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too FRIEND: um, a pair of kings ME: you bet we are

submitted 76 days ago • 31 comments

What are you supposed to do when someone gives you a houseplant? Eat it? Do you eat it? I'm going to eat it

submitted 33 days ago • 22 comments

Fuck you, horse trailer on the highway with no horses in it for me to wave at. Fuck. You.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Roald Dahl: *deep in thought* what if everything was fucking enormous

submitted 85 days ago • 4 comments

There was a fire at the yankee candle store. 12 dead, 45 injured, 1200 soothed.

submitted 34 days ago • 5 comments

ME: *writing in my journal with the sole aim of pissing off future historians and archaeologists* I returned to my home - which is built in the usual style - by the normal way, and prepared and ate dinner in the way I often but not always do

submitted 35 days ago • 268 comments

everyone thinks i’m drinking egg nog but i’m actually enjoying a nice warm mug of hidden valley ranch

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Boston Market recently changed their name to Boston MARKET, a move that increased their market capitalization by 500%

submitted 35 days ago • 113 comments

me passing someone: u slow bitch me being passed: ok speed racer

submitted 36 days ago • 20 comments

I got live-laugh-loved in a dirty Exxon station bathroom today so yeah, I’m doing better than you

submitted 36 days ago • 1 comment