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mattbe.bsky.social
Good Night, and Good Luck.
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In a better world, far more words would rhyme. Pronounce encourage like entourage, pinecone like minestrone. Think how much cooler radiators would be if they rhymed with gladiators.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

What if my dog isn’t a good boy? What then???

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments

The only data leak I’m interested in is exposing famous musicians who spend all day streaming their own music to up their Spotify royalties.

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments

divided as the world may be surely we can all agree an app that makes an instant sound when opened belongs in the ground

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

I know there are all sorts of horrors out there right now but I just bought what I thought was a can of IPA but it turned out to be a stout so please pray for me too.

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

waiting for a manicure like

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

honestly lads if your episodes are normally 40-50 mins DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT just throw in a two hour finale, it’s nuts, stop it

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

I just feel ATMs should be more supportive and open to negotiation.

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

*sets up a bot account to reply “yes dear it’s just you” to people who say “is it just me???” about widely held views*

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Serious question: who had the worst pop star name of all time, Bob Mould or Ian Brown?

submitted 16 days ago • 1 comment

In a happier world “pepper spray” would be an ingenious culinary gadget.

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

This is high art

submitted 23 days ago • 542 comments

Enjoying this celebration of endless job insecurity from LinkedIn, thanks guys appreciate it.

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Butterflies may look nice but never forget they're caterpillar mobsters who ratted out their friends in exchange for new identities.

submitted 86 days ago • 1 comment

It’s so sad when a prisoner escapes and everyone thinks about the danger to society but not the poor lonely room-mate left behind.

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

I can usually tell within 100 years of meeting someone if they're going to be a lifelong friend.

submitted 86 days ago • 1 comment

End of the shift at Govan Shipbuilders, Glasgow 1980 by Raymond Depardon, complete with a sharp splash of colour.

submitted 86 days ago • 2 comments

75% of my life is a lie.

submitted 86 days ago • 2 comments

Never put off until tomorrow something you can put off until the day after tomorrow.

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

100 should-have-stayed-in-drafts quality posts neatly collected in one thread 🧵⬇️

submitted 96 days ago • 4 comments

Ecoterrorism is terrible but it's esotericism I can't understand.

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

St-Anaclet en hiver Claude Picher 1990 #Québec

submitted 87 days ago • 1 comment

I was out of ideas earlier. I tried a thesaurus but I’m still minus, devoid of and utterly lacking in notions, sentiments and observations.

submitted 86 days ago • 1 comment

Curiouser & Curiouser would be a good name for a husband and wife team of private detectives.

submitted 86 days ago • 1 comment

“Someday I Will treat You Good” by Sparklehorse #nowplaying #6music

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

The worst parts of being stood up on a blind date are a) not knowing why, and b) the long roller-skate home

submitted 87 days ago • 1 comment

“Time heals all wounds” I explained, shortly before losing my job as a paramedic.

submitted 87 days ago • 1 comment

I'm just a boy, standing in front of a girl, wishing she'd stop moaning about tall people and just enjoy the concert.

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

Your love is like bad medicine. (Available in a back alley for less than £10)

submitted 87 days ago • 1 comment

A correction to our previous warning: There is NOT a murder of crows buzzing around the pool bar. It was just a murder.

submitted 87 days ago • 1 comment

“Like father, like son.” - Tarzan talking about a family he likes.

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

You enter the Luis Buñuel Museum by walking through a L’Age D’or.

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

Make snooker more exciting by setting fire to the end of the cue before each break and only putting it out after a miss.

submitted 87 days ago • 1 comment

oh no

submitted 87 days ago • 10 comments

My favourite thing about the Euromillions is that the odds on you winning the jackpot barely change if you forget to buy a ticket.

submitted 88 days ago • 3 comments

I don’t know who needs to hear this but behind most DANGER: DO NOT ENTER signs there's a huge party you've not been invited to.

submitted 88 days ago • 1 comment

Prison walls are never built to scale.

submitted 88 days ago • 1 comment

Nudists have successful marriages because neither partner wears the trousers.

submitted 88 days ago • 1 comment

Going Forward Wilf Perreault 2018

submitted 89 days ago • 3 comments

Always make sure a cactus isn't someone having a terrible allergic reaction to acupuncture.

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments