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Elon Musk Offers Self $10 Billion Federal Buyout theonion.com/elon-mu...

submitted 19 days ago • 140 comments

The most important thing I can tell everyone that I've learned from being a YouTuber who explains how stuff works is that each and every time I thought "this is common knowledge and doesn't need to be explained" I was wrong.

submitted 19 days ago • 458 comments

Took my own advice and ran this morning without headphones, to air out the brain. Highly recommended, especially now.

submitted 18 days ago • 248 comments

submitted 19 days ago • 124 comments

Swimming is the best exercise for people with depression because you just have to throw your body into a public pool like an inept murderer and then you're like fuck it im already wet lets get this done and when you've finished you're like wow i was making up like 97% of my problems

submitted 19 days ago • 83 comments

That little part of my brain that insists things like "move to Finland, get into rally" is really going ham today.

submitted 19 days ago • 14 comments

The world’s richest man — who was not born in America — has seized complete & total control of the presidency — and all your money: credit, stocks, bonds, cash — all of it. And he doesn’t pay for eggs nor gas. Thanks, maga.

submitted 19 days ago • 192 comments

Former Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) said it was a “mistake” for President Trump to pardon Jan 6th insurrectionists, but assures Americans not to worry, as he will remain in position to support everything the president does & gargle his balls at the earliest available opportunity.

submitted 19 days ago • 14 comments

When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electric bill I am scared of the lights.

submitted 18 days ago • 26 comments

This is 100% an elon musk presidency. Trump is a performance artist without an ideology. Musk is a true believer. Best case shitty scenario is trump realizes this and revokes his status for pure ego reasons

submitted 19 days ago • 75 comments

We’re living in the “plots of mediocre movies are proving prophetic” future.

submitted 19 days ago • 337 comments

Absolutely

submitted 19 days ago • 142 comments

The Trump administration’s push to dismantle the Education Department would have serious consequences for students, families, and schools. Public education is vital to our economy and democracy—we should be strengthening it, not diminishing it.

submitted 18 days ago • 160 comments

If I were rich I would give most of my money to the poor. But instead I'm poor so I give most of my money to the rich.

submitted 18 days ago • 3 comments

Think it’s time for a national day of protest so we can take this country back.

submitted 19 days ago • 409 comments

submitted 19 days ago • 34 comments

Hold the line.

submitted 18 days ago • 122 comments

Just RT’d this over at the Bad Place and it was like shaking a jar of red ants. #fun

submitted 19 days ago • 271 comments

My son wanted to know what it was like to be a parent. So I woke him at 2am to tell him I needed to pee.

submitted 18 days ago • 2 comments

Bumping this with the hope that a senator might see it

submitted 18 days ago • 70 comments

Nobody Elected Elon Musk

submitted 18 days ago • 38 comments

An unelected billionaire now has unprecedented access to U.S. citizens' Social Security, tax returns, and even veteran benefits. This is an alarming breach of trust and privacy.

submitted 18 days ago • 296 comments

The funniest nerdy thing I saw today: “Missed TNG subplot opportunity: Data experiments with various hairstyles.”

submitted 18 days ago • 54 comments

The Joker meets The Penguin 🃏 🐧

submitted 18 days ago • 786 comments

Elon Musk is a radical domestic terrorist.

submitted 20 days ago • 321 comments

I just passed a place where gas is $6.99 a gallon. It was close to half of that a month ago. I gotta tell you that Donald Trump is doing an amazing job bringing down the prices on all those things that Obama and Biden and DEI made go up

submitted 20 days ago • 96 comments

submitted 20 days ago • 155 comments

Professor of evilology here. Evil people often lie to obscure their true motives. 🧵

submitted 21 days ago • 159 comments

Yes. While there are absolutely things Democrats can and must do to slow, obstruct, etc, GOP hold both House and Senate majorities, severely limiting our options. Johnson and Thune are handing over the own keys and relinquishing their own power. Even for the cynics this should be a shock.

submitted 20 days ago • 4031 comments

submitted 20 days ago • 27 comments

Forward-Thinking CEO Hoping Company Can Capture New Audience By Making Product Worse In Every Conceivable Way theonion.com/forward...

submitted 21 days ago • 64 comments

90% of being married is just shouting "What?" from other rooms.

submitted 21 days ago • 8 comments

submitted 21 days ago • 307 comments

As Black History Month begins, we honor the legacy, resilience, and contributions of Black Americans who have shaped our nation. Together, we must continue fighting for justice and opportunity for all.

submitted 21 days ago • 87 comments

submitted 20 days ago • 176 comments

I’m going to put my rich guy hat on and say I hope that Mexico and Canada issue equal, retaliatory tariffs and stick to them for an extended period. I apologize to all the people it will cost money and the businesses it will hurt. But it’s the only way for tariffs to be seen for what they are

submitted 21 days ago • 8684 comments

My son made the mistake of telling me I was being overdramatic so I just changed the WiFi password. We'll see who's overdramatic in about 5 minutes

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

Report: Universe To End Next Friday theonion.com/report-...

submitted 20 days ago • 368 comments

It is astonishing that mainstream media is covering this like it is a shruggie vibe 🤷‍♂️

submitted 20 days ago • 2054 comments

Trump declares the USA is now officially renamed “The United States of Trump.” Ok… satire… for now?

submitted 20 days ago • 53 comments

USAID is a criminal organization,” Mr. Musk wrote on Sunday in a social media post that many aid workers saw as confirmation the agency would soon be absorbed into the State Department and that some viewed as a potential threat to their personal safety. “Time for it to die.” THIS HAS TO STOP.

submitted 20 days ago • 1258 comments

"Punxsutawney Phil" didn’t just see his shadow He saw the fascist actions of the Trump administration destroying our country and went back to bed out of depression

submitted 20 days ago • 18 comments

cannot be said enough that for a decade a critical number of americans have simply refused to accept that he means what he says

submitted 21 days ago • 1270 comments

The most surreal and maddening feature of the campaign was that everyone agreed that high prices were the main issue but the guy explicitly, consistently running on a platform of raising everyone’s prices won voters most concerned about high prices. We hammered this time and time again and yet.

submitted 20 days ago • 2440 comments

submitted 20 days ago • 10 comments

“Screaming. A million mouths screaming but also laughing the sky will bleed and there shall be a great flensing a burning away of the flesh it is coming there is no way to stop what is coming.”

submitted 20 days ago • 477 comments

this ogden nash poem made me start cackling so hard

submitted 38 days ago • 18 comments