miasmahospital.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

NOTE TO NURSES: Please stop referring to the student nurses note books as "incompetence pads" Thank you.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

Note to inpatients: Despite rumours to the contrary there is NOT a cult based at the hospital that meets once a week. It is student night at the Social club and whilst we ensure professional attire at work, we have no control over their fashion sense outside of their working hours.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

Following several complaints about the nursing staff ignoring patients: We would like to remind you that this is a very old hospital and some of the nurses you see died in the 18th century. Those walking through walls can't hear you calling them.

submitted 18 hours ago • 0 comments

The Hospital staff have again been reminded that the insertion of dentures into ones colon before X-rays is neither funny nor hygienic.

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

The Members of the Trust executive board deny adding a journalist to the "Patients and staff we would love to euthanase" Signal Group chat. This group doesn't exist.

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

The Hospital social club is proud to announce it's Woking Stones night. 🌈 Playing modern versions of classic Rock tracks including: "Paint it Rainbow". "Honky Tonk Binary Person" "I Wanna Be Your Trans" and "Jumpin' Jack don't expose yourself it's degrading "

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Following the fire at the local substation the mortuary has been "off line" since yesterday. All should be functioning tomorrow. In completely unrelated news: Any patients who like ornithology may enjoy seeing the Buzzards circling around the tall chimney at the back of the hospital.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

While we appreciate that Electroconvulsive therapy has been decomissioned, we would ask that the Psychiatrist leave the defibs alone. Thanks.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Due to unprecedented need for staff counselling the Trust has used this year's occupational health budget up. As counselling is expensive we have instead decided it is more cost effective to sound proof the staff toilets so no-one can hear the crying. Why unpack your woes in work time?

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

The Trust refutes the claim that 37 people die needlessly each day. We haven't received a list of those that need to die, so struggle to identify those that are needless. www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

The Hospital is pleased to announce that Professor Dukes work with Therapy Dogs is breaking boundaries.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

One again we would like to remind staff they should not be accessing the canteen out of hours.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

During the warmer weather please refrain from moving patients with a fever to cooler areas of the hospital. Despite Mr Jones's fever being much better when moved to the morgue, since being exhumed he has been threatening to take the Trust to court.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

⚠️ WARNING TO STAFF ⚠️ Anyone found putting the resuscitation dummies in sexual positions will be disciplined... And not in a kinky way.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

The Trust is pleased to announce they will be supplying staff that take time out for smoking breaks with NICOTINE REPLACEMENT THERAPY (NRT) to help them keep to the regulated breaks the non smokers have.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

The SECURE MENTAL HEALTH facility apologise unreservedly for detaining the Chief Executive of the Trust. They would like to confirm that his plans do not represent visions of grandeur.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Notice to whoever drew the pentagram on the mortuary floor, please be aware of the hospital policy about no naked flames. In unrelated news,the porters are aware of the goat roaming the corridors and are trying to capture it.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

A reminder to Junior Doctors. If a nurse asks you to call a patient from the waiting room, please check this is a genuine patient. They love watching you call Hugh Janus and Mike Hunt, but it's not good for professional standards.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

It is with great regret that we announce the hyperventilation slapping clinic has been closed until further notice. This follows several reports of patients saying their buttocks where hyperventilating and needed the nurse to slap them.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Please don't be alarmed on the urology ward. It's normal for the nurses to take the piss.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Reminder to student nurses: Batch washing of false teeth is not time saving.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Reminder to patients having blood test: It is not appropriate to refer to the phlebotomy team as Vampires nor to call them Floppy-bottomists. We are concerned you may offend Tina who seems blissfully unaware she does have floppy buttocks.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Miasma Hospital NHS trust is an equal opportunity employer. Some of our staff speak English as their second language. We apologise if Dr Aghmartarasalata in the colonoscopy suite said you were "full of shit", he simply meant the laxative hadn't fully been effective.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Reminder to all students currently working in the trust... Ouiji boards are NOT permitted in the mortuary. We are quite busy enough with the nearly dead and dead. We didn't have the staffing levels to cope with the undead.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Please don't inform staff about the white lady screaming in the corridor outside Nightingale Ward. She died in 1876, and there seems to be little we can do to plicate her.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

We would like to remind our followers that Countdown is on at 14.10 on Monday to Friday on the hospital TV and you don't have to click the link below to enroll..

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Please be aware of parody health care accounts. They are put together by idiots with nothing else to do. Not you Jim. You're not a health care parody account.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

The Trust is looking to form a working party to discuss move away from using cadavers for medical education. We do have a back log of bodies, and not sure how to use them. It's not like we can just magic them away by saying "abra cadavers". Please let us know if you have ideas.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Whilst we are looking forward to the acoustic set in the social club tonight, the stools delivered from the main hospital building are not the type the band can sit on. Please could someone with gloves and aprons come and collect them.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

The SEXUAL HEALTH CLINIC are today celebrating 25 years since their senior nurse joined the team. Congratulations to Sis Phyllis and thank you for all you hard work.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Message from the Pharmacy team. Could whoever sent Roger to get Bowman's Capsules please retrieve him please?

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

The trust would like to highlight our own waiting list initiative. We shall get the youngest patients treated, allowing the older ones to die off before they've been seen, thus reducing waiting times.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Please could all staff stop referring to the dieticians & speech and language therapists as "Thick & Easy" specialist. The Trust feels this only represents some of them.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

The trust would like to highlight that the winter pressures are over, due to the start of spring.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

WARNING TO ALL PATIENTS. If you see this man he is not supposed to be doing rectal examinations without gloves whilst smiling like that. He is not qualified to work in our labour ward or indeed the health service. Although the others photographed are smiling he didn't get consent to bugger them.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

The trust suggests policians avoiding egg based puns when dealing with sensitive issues.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments