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midge.bsky.social
Relentless architect of my own hell https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ekcbouwwcir2eexututpjpp5/feed/aaaouhaovrikw
808 posts 9,243 followers 860 following
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Posts 47 Comments 3

I would say he follows her around like a puppy dog but so far he has survived.

submitted 5 hours ago • 518 comments

The best part about being annihilated in the forthcoming thermonuclear apocalypse that's about to destroy us all is just before you die, when your entire life passes before your eyes, and you finally remember all your fucking passwords.

submitted 2 hours ago • 2 comments

It’s time

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Me watching a stray cat poop in my raised planter:

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

ME, as a 13yo: when I grow up I’m gonna have popcorn and a martini for dinner ME, as a 36yo: I’m gonna have popcorn and a martini for dinner

submitted 1 day ago • 25 comments

jellyfish aren’t either of those things

submitted 4 days ago • 23 comments

It's not a chore if you don't do it.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

*interrupts your heartfelt story* Oh NOW I hear your New York accent!! Say "dying wish" again Ok now say "coffee"!

submitted 3 days ago • 11 comments

At my funeral there’ll be a 37 minute montage of me trying to find something to watch on Netflix

submitted 198 days ago • 1041 comments

Looked up the diagnosis code from my therapist and it means... "lil bitch" ??

submitted 3 days ago • 19 comments

I'm so scared of cities. All those buildings so close to each other. You can go to the movie theater and a restaurant and the park while walking, in defiance of God. There are people you haven't met before. Sometimes there's a dog in a jacket

submitted 3 days ago • 153 comments

KID: Daddy, do you know what an eclipse is? ME: No sun HIM: Ok, I'll ask someone else

submitted 2 days ago • 8 comments

Remember to put that thang on you first before helping your child

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

Most women leave before I even get through the pre-sex safety demonstration and explain the brace position.

submitted 2 days ago • 8 comments

25 of the funniest posts we’ve seen on Bluesky this week. www.thepoke.com/2025/06/11/2...

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

They keep talking about punishing protestors as if this country wasn’t FOUNDED BY PROTESTERS WHO ENSHRINED THE RIGHT TO PROTEST, I AM SO TIRED OF HOW STUPID THINGS HAVE BECOME

submitted 2 days ago • 77 comments

Years ago, I worked for a company that sold sandwiches in airports. I once got a complaint email that someone’s chicken cordon bleu sandwich was missing the chicken. I replied that “cordon bleu” was French for “not there,” and I have not felt that level of job satisfaction since.

submitted 2 days ago • 22 comments

We have also removed your mother’s number from contacts because obviously you’re too busy to call her.

submitted 3 days ago • 6 comments

are those my only two choices?

submitted 2 days ago • 87 comments

♫ just like Brian Wilson did ♫

submitted 1 day ago • 13 comments

The only reason people think LA is a postapocalyptic nightmare is because of the X algorithm. An unreality machine.

submitted 1 day ago • 194 comments

I’m so dirty, please do me -pile of laundry

submitted 2 days ago • 8 comments

yeah i love waymo, way mo immigrants coming to my city

submitted 3 days ago • 67 comments

Got fired from the drive thru for telling customers “The root of your suffering is your desire”

submitted 14 days ago • 13 comments

Being put out to pasture sounds so good thank you

submitted 3 days ago • 17 comments

not now handmaid’s tale (read the room!)

submitted 65 days ago • 21 comments

It sucks being the same age as old people

submitted 4 days ago • 20 comments

It’s expensive being poor

submitted 4 days ago • 12 comments

A cuck chair but it’s just me eating yogurt while the dude next me eats a sausage biscuit

submitted 4 days ago • 6 comments

[abruptly stops beatboxing] I do.

submitted 6 days ago • 5 comments

America jumped the shark. Jesus Christ 🤦🏻‍♀️

submitted 4 days ago • 12 comments

Hitting rock bottom still beats hitting scissors bottom

submitted 58 days ago • 2 comments

this is good

submitted 3 days ago • 448 comments

me: you are killing me my kid: [starts humming “the wicked witch is dead”]

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

Saw that CNN has a new show called Eva Longoria: Searching for Spain and I really hope it’s just her pointing to places on a map and someone saying no

submitted 4 days ago • 57 comments

🎵 Monday, Monday

submitted 4 days ago • 10 comments

Looking back over my life I think the thing I'm most proud of is knowing the difference between lose and loose.

submitted 626 days ago • 8 comments

One day in the 11th grade, a friend and I were sitting in the cafeteria, desperately trying to recall the name of the creatures from Land of the Lost. A year later, in the middle of a class, he spun around, pointed at me, and said, “SLEESTAKS.” This was our Google in the 80s.

submitted 4 days ago • 76 comments

The best thing about ageing is remembering your mistakes in far less detail.

submitted 12 days ago • 15 comments

Fuck nudes, drive off a cliff with me.

submitted 15 days ago • 13 comments

The birds that suddenly appear every time I'm near are circling vultures.

submitted 15 days ago • 21 comments

wilson phillips keeps telling me if i hold on for one more day things will go my way but it’s been years and i’m starting to feel like they’re lying

submitted 6 days ago • 15 comments

actually fast food refers to the speed at which it passes through you

submitted 9 days ago • 7 comments

I don't care if these monstrous ICE raids are a "federal operation". This is authoritarian violence, plain and simple. Just because Stephen Miller has kidnapping quotas for brown people he doesn't want to see on the street doesn't mean we have to think it's okay.

submitted 5 days ago • 884 comments

Goldman: Both of the issues Marjorie Taylor Greene raised—were widely publicized and thoroughly debated in committee and on the House floor. If you’re publicly admitting that you didn’t know what you were voting on and now regret it—you’re not competent or qualified to serve in Congress.

submitted 5 days ago • 324 comments

learning ventriloquism just to scare the shit out of my dentist

submitted 6 days ago • 5 comments

the "there are only two genders" freaks are the exact same guys who wanna marry robots

submitted 5 days ago • 71 comments