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mikeysiesta.bsky.social
your worst nightmare's wet dream 28 | he/him
1,173 posts 157 followers 273 following
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Posts 40 Comments 9

monsters love having a creator

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Al Capone had a delicious brother named Mars

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

trust me bro, the lobster of ancient wisdoms said it'll be fine bro

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Charlie and the freaklet factory

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

soft serve brain

submitted 6 days ago • 2 comments

battle axe made of amex titanium credit cards

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

people love passing their baby around like a blunt, no i do not want a hit of parental responsibility even for two minutes

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

sorry, can't make it tonight. been magically hearing your thoughts all day and ewwww

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

used the Trader Joe's contact fluid and now I can see through clothes

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Give 👏 women 👏 nukes 👏

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

love when lyft asks if i'm wearing a seatbelt so it can tell me i'm a good boy :)

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

why old water bottles always gotta develop ancient evils before you clean them

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

going through checkout at Trader Joe's counts as a first date

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

today's wordle was the last straw. i'm storming the new york times. i will find the wordle editor and strangle all the fake ass words out of their lungs until there are no more left. you don't have to thank me, im just doing what has to be done.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

im spiraling in crashouts you couldn't dream of

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

dnd character painting. back on my nerd shi

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

put two ugly french dudes together and instantly they start making really good electronic music, it's just a law of the universe

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

need me a girl with mandibles big enough to rip my head off if I don't treat her right

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

if we suddenly had a galactic society, connected to other planets and aliens all over, I wouldn't have human sex ever again, FUCK that, there's a whole galaxy to discover, I need MANDIBLES

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

i'd be fuckin those aliens from Arrival til they're moanin crazy circles on the wall

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

for someone who has such a high bar for people, i think i would fuck just about any alien

submitted 25 days ago • 1 comment

getting my homunculus addicted to screens

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

social anxiety but only in MMO's

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

coldplay did not need to be dancin in a planet of the apes movie

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

remembered today that people still call Native Americans "Indians" like how long are we gonna be confused about where we are?

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

got so high i was typing tweets into the app store search bar

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

sounds like neighbor is washing bowling balls again. idk how they're getting them so dirty.

submitted 34 days ago • 1 comment

y'all ever jerk it so much your bones get all brittle and you gotta eat 10x calcium for a while

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

sometimes i go to Trader Joe's and then realize I'm not dressed sexy enough so i leave and go to Walmart

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

RFK gonna mandate they serve platypus in public school lunches

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

disappointed to report that Spotify AI doesn't understand the word "cunty"

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

the person who just said the dumbest shit you ever read: im sapiosexual

submitted 39 days ago • 50 comments

if I got shot in a war I'd be like "bihhhh"

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

you would love the way I talk while gently tracing my detonator to a network of bombs planted in every major metropolitan city-center across the nation

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

imagine if Zelenskyy went back to comedy after being president. material would go crazy, get this man a Netflix special asap.

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

when you go to pay and the total is the sum of all the items' individual costs! 😧

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

love when the photos app cooks up a "1 Year Ago" highlight reel and its just pictures of my own dead body wearing clothes I just bought yesterday

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

hotboxing my iron lung later if you wanna come

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

she’s my first diva twice removed on my oomfies side

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

Won’t anyone in this godforsaken world put the fuckass lime in the coconut and drink em both up

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments