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nick-pettigrew.bsky.social
That bloke from off of Twitter. Writes books. Likes cats. That sort of thing. You can give Ko-Fi donations too, if you fancy it: https://ko-fi.com/nickpettigrew
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This week’s Substack. Warning - contains me worrying about my cat, descriptions of death and roast dinners. open.substack.com/pub/npettigr...

submitted 5 hours ago • 1 comment

The auto captions on this were written by Gollum

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

Whenever Trump gets a physical, remember that his personal physician used to be this guy, a man who looks like he’s just about to say “Beeblebrox is just this guy, y’know?”

submitted 12 hours ago • 2 comments

I cannot express to you in words how funny the fifth sentence in this first screenshot is. I completely lost it.

submitted 15 hours ago • 155 comments

See also Brexit-crops-farm workers. “We should be self-sufficient so we don’t need food from the EU.” “Okay, do you want to pick potatoes for ten hours a day on minimum wage?” “God, no.”

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

Lies. Another word for ‘omissions and flaws’ is ‘lies’.

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

That’ll do. #LFC

submitted 20 hours ago • 0 comments

Whoever’s doing this football stream, they’re not a West Ham fan:

submitted 20 hours ago • 1 comment

Repost with a photo of seafront/shoreline/beach that you took.

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

Repost with a photo of seafront/shoreline/beach that you took.

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

If I made my whole personality ‘My genes need to be passed on’ I’d probably try to have stronger eyesight than a naked mole rat, broader shoulders than an eel and better natural UV protection than an anaemic vampire. They look like an aborted Habsburg wank.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

If I made my whole personality ‘My genes need to be passed on’ I’d probably try to have stronger eyesight than a naked mole rat, broader shoulders than an eel and better natural UV protection than an anaemic vampire. They look like an aborted Habsburg wank.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Thank you. Never dreamed we’d hit the target. We underestimated added costs on top of the operation so the rest will still pay medical bills but it meant surgery was possible. £5 from people I know don’t have it. Big donations from people I can’t thank enough.🫶 www.gofundme.com/f/medical-co...

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

“We’re putting 125% tariffs on all products from China except smartphones and computers” is like saying “I’m giving up all narcotics except cocaine”.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

If the cuts to NASA affect their ability to keep in contact with the Voyager probe I shan’t be held responsible for my actions.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

Every teenager listening to The Final Countdown for the first time, waiting to see what they’ll rhyme with ‘Venus’:

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Mike Berry’s finest moment: youtu.be/jTzk6q-V5ss?...

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I just want to confirm to any TV producers reading this that I can not write you a script for five hundred grand, thus saving you a fortune.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Salah stays.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Yeah, but catching all those birds to spray it up their noses is going to be a logistical nightmare.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

If you’re trying to impress your girlfriend’s parents when you first meet them, saying “And this must be your sister?” usually only works if you say it to her mum.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Consider this a warning.

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

“Border Patrol, sir. Can you confirm whether you have any of the following in your vehicle: Weapons Narcotics Undocumented people Original abstract thought?” “Well I’m writing a novel at the moment, so…” “GET OUT OF THE TRUCK AND GET ON THE GROUND.”

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments