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notjpo.bsky.social
No, it’s not hormones. I’m always this unpleasant. Validated me: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:6cru4zjayaugsxgzysz223ts/feed/aaahcc3hp2o6s Recent me: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:6cru4zjayaugsxgzysz223ts/feed/aaahccdnlzcz4
137 posts 715 followers 241 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 49 Comments 1

The first rule of adulthood: never throw away a box because ‘you might need it.’ The second rule of adulthood: you will never, ever need it. Congrats, you’re now the proud owner of 47 useless boxes.

submitted 4 hours ago • 9 comments

Before complaing about how bored you are remember people used to gather around the tv to watch The Waltons.

submitted 4 hours ago • 8 comments

Do you know how bad you have to fuck up to make a bunch of tree hugging liberals hate an electric car company?

submitted 5 days ago • 4 comments

frozen in amber today but looking forward to being made into ugly chonky jewelry in a few million years

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

There should be trophies given out for missing the point. There would be so many trophies.

submitted 6 days ago • 11 comments

I womansplained and I liked it.

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

I did a format skeet. I feel dirty.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Went thrifting and also came back with a burrito if anyone is looking for a knight in shining armor.

submitted 12 hours ago • 0 comments

My headstone will probably read: “He died doing what he lived”, and nobody will point out the typo.

submitted 18 hours ago • 1 comment

I’m a fucking badass - I mutter as I pop another ibuprofen

submitted 5 days ago • 4 comments

Looks like I picked the wrong time to unclench my jaw.

submitted 54 days ago • 10 comments

{marriage counseling} I guess it all started when I saw him put the toothpaste on before the water... *therapist scribbles furiously*

submitted 29 days ago • 14 comments

I want to get chickens because of high egg prices, but I don’t want Bird Flu. So you see my dilemma.

submitted 27 days ago • 5 comments

I like your enthusiasm, so I’m going to loosen your restraints.

submitted 27 days ago • 4 comments

Be the reason he enters the witness protection program.

submitted 41 days ago • 5 comments

You know what sounds fun? Squandering a fortune. Love to try that

submitted 1 day ago • 22 comments

I wouldn't put Pete Hegseth in charge of bringing the napkins to a potluck

submitted 1 day ago • 110 comments

I think the main problems with my posts is that you're not reading them in funny voices. That's on you.

submitted 14 hours ago • 2 comments

It was Einstein who discovered that Sheila E equals MC Hammer.

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

No, I didn’t get your message. I saw your name on the screen and threw my phone in the lake.

submitted 21 days ago • 1 comment

I’m writing a fairytale about a printer that just works

submitted 13 hours ago • 29 comments

Sometimes when I go to the TL I’ll see four or five my posts in a row and then I say, “Ew, this website is terrible,” and I delete my account.

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

It’s Friday, wanna come over and shove your entire hand into my mouth?

submitted 22 hours ago • 4 comments

If you’re trying to lose weight but you’re starving, eat a banana. I’ve had 73 of them so far today

submitted 11 hours ago • 2 comments

Please accept my apology so I can do it again.

submitted 13 hours ago • 4 comments

Life came with terms and conditions that I did not agree to.

submitted 12 hours ago • 5 comments

When he tells me I’m ✨pretty✨ the ᵃⁿⁿᵒʸⁱⁿᵍ is usually silent

submitted 16 hours ago • 2 comments

It’s a beautiful, 75 degree afternoon! Perfect day to sip a drink out on the patio and think about the inevitability of death!

submitted 12 hours ago • 5 comments

Water having long term contact with metal is why I have rust issues

submitted 11 hours ago • 2 comments

The best thing about being single is that the whole rotisserie chicken is mine.

submitted 23 hours ago • 6 comments

The thing about making the same mistakes over and over again is that you get really fucking good at them.

submitted 19 hours ago • 3 comments

I get it crunchy taco from Taco Bell, I'm full of shit and falling apart too.

submitted 20 hours ago • 2 comments

the dumbest thing about bsky is all the posting

submitted 21 hours ago • 11 comments

"i'm sorry but i live in the other direction" me to lenny kravitz

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

where do you guys keep the laminator? i’ll make us name tags!! -me, first day in a street gang

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I told my husband he was making too many desserts and he said “I’m willing to whisk it all for you” so I stabbed him with a fork

submitted 119 days ago • 132 comments

HOOK THE HYDROELECTRIC GRID UP, I CAN POWER THE WHOLE COUNTRY ON MY TORRENT OF MENOPAUSE SWEAT.

submitted 16 hours ago • 1 comment

I don't want AI. I want a kettle that sings death metal when my water is boiling

submitted 20 hours ago • 22 comments

whenever someone asks, “you want to take this one or should I?” I always say, “go for it” because 99% of the time I have no fucking idea what they’re talking about

submitted 17 hours ago • 2 comments

*Whips OED, Merriam-Webster, Urban, and Collins into line* OK, let's do this.

submitted 21 hours ago • 3 comments

At least now that I know nothing ever makes sense I won't be baffled anymore.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Quiche is a bit like pizza, only sad.

submitted 22 hours ago • 20 comments

Just sighed so hard i got winded

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

What I do when I’m drunk is none of my business and that’s why I don’t drink anymore.

submitted 20 hours ago • 0 comments

I just wanna push back on some of the misonceptions about men oh wait no they're all true.

submitted 16 hours ago • 2 comments

*from inside your kitchen drawer WOULD THERE BE A GOOD TIME TO TALK

submitted 21 hours ago • 2 comments

Everything I know about J Lo I learned against my will.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Was so ready to do something wild and crazy today but all I could come up with was to tell the Starbucks barista that my name is Pee-Wee

submitted 13 hours ago • 5 comments

The smartest person knows how ignorant he actually is.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments