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oakcroissant.bsky.social
Husband, monkey, heavy breather in rotary phones from the 90s (no evil intent, just asthma), bellybutton lint aficionado.
141 posts 64 followers 75 following
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Posts 12 Comments 37

Had spicy Thai for lunch yesterday. And boy lemme tell you, my mouth writes checks my butt can’t cash.

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

fingers crossed 🤞🏼

submitted 90 days ago • 44 comments

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Time spent in the shower: 5% soaping up 95% letting warm water soothe my tired old body

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Adults my whole life: When are you gonna grow up and get serious Adults right after I grow up: There shouldn't be a government

submitted 69 days ago • 2 comments

You may have slaughtered my family, but I shall defeat you in the marketplace of ideas

submitted 100 days ago • 4 comments

Art can tell us so much about our past. For example, we know Europe was going through a mini-Ice Age during the Reinassance by looking at how small the peepees Michelangelo sculpted are.

submitted 96 days ago • 0 comments

Me: Oh no that trolley is going to run us over! Guy tied up on the track next to me who somehow thinks he's actually the guy holding the lever: Lol cry more 😂

submitted 98 days ago • 73 comments

submitted 122 days ago • 0 comments

A bearded dude dressed in red flying around the world giving free stuff to all sorts of kids. Sounds like communism to me. 🤔

submitted 128 days ago • 0 comments

in your dying moments you see a Jackie Chan style closing credits blooper reel of all the times you hurt yourself

submitted 128 days ago • 48 comments

[with dying breath] Tell my wife that I loved…the shareholders

submitted 134 days ago • 19 comments