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ogskydog.com
"I understood what he meant when he said I sucked." -- Todd Snider suckage https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:it6vk4nyt7nu7yo54h7ivezf/feed/aaahvtsdprjuw
1,049 posts 500 followers 956 following
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i wish i knew instant oatmeal's secret *empties packet of oatmeal and a 300g rock of brown sugar*

submitted 99 days ago • 103 comments

*pronounces cliche like glitch*

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

Didgeridoo, or didgeridon’t idgaf I’m not a cop

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

Pleased to make your acquaintance, sirs

submitted 11 hours ago • 6 comments

Adding some horseradish to every bowl I smoke in order to feel alive

submitted 14 hours ago • 1 comment

Dig one moat around your house and everyone's all "you're being unreasonable" and "where did you get the alligators"

submitted 19 hours ago • 1 comment

a lot has happened recently so i'm going to pin a little FAQ thread for our new baby Adonis, who is currently in the middle of being loved and being changed ♥️

submitted 46 minutes ago • 17 comments

Information is still unclear. We’re either showing The Purge or engaging in one on Tuesday. Either way, Ethan Hawke will be at our gift shop selling autographs for 8 bucks a pop.

submitted 10 hours ago • 2 comments

I'm not even that little, as far as teapots go

submitted 52 minutes ago • 0 comments

We all just want someone who gets us without having to Google our movie references

submitted 8 hours ago • 0 comments

I don’t get why people are afraid of getting old. I’ve been tired of everyone’s nonsense since I was 10.

submitted 11 hours ago • 2 comments

They say, “Fake it till you make it.” I’ve been faking it for so long, that I’m starting to think “making it” is a myth.

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

Whenever I start taking myself too seriously, I remember I’m here because of a hard on and my ma’s vagina.

submitted 11 hours ago • 4 comments

Billy Joel: We didn't start the fire What's this "we" shit kemosabe. I was out of town that weekend.

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Women have to do EVERYTHING

submitted 11 hours ago • 4 comments

I’m not a pessimist - the glass is fully empty.

submitted 11 hours ago • 5 comments

You go bankrupt living everyday like it’s your last.

submitted 11 hours ago • 2 comments

My mom got her SAG card from her Girls Gone Wild appearances.

submitted 11 hours ago • 9 comments

Fuck you, Franz Kafka (respectfully)

submitted 11 hours ago • 1 comment

It’s a Highway to Hell and a Highway to Heaven and I fucking love Michael Landon so I took the path most taken. and that’s made all the difference.

submitted 11 hours ago • 2 comments

I know everything I know about New York City from The Wu-Tang Clan and Taxi Driver and The Muppets Take Manhattan.

submitted 11 hours ago • 3 comments

"Holy fuck, why did you wait for me to judge them? Why didn't you do something when you could have? Didn't you realize that by the time I did my judging thing it would be pointless and far too late?" - History

submitted 10 hours ago • 3 comments

Has anyone tried saying Uncle

submitted 10 hours ago • 8 comments

* shares passwords to steaming shit * and they said chivalry was dead

submitted 10 hours ago • 4 comments

My goal in life is to be as happy as my dog. But then I remember my dog licks its butt, so I need to aim higher.

submitted 10 hours ago • 0 comments

My brain: eat Me: okay, what should we cook? My brain: no cook, only eat

submitted 6 hours ago • 2 comments

I think I just need a hug from a sloth.

submitted 9 hours ago • 9 comments

Alarms are so unpleasant, I much prefer to not be woken at all.

submitted 6 hours ago • 1 comment

They say memory loss is the first sign of aging. It’s a good thing I forgot what the other signs are. *sits up in pain and groans* Ahh, now I remembered.

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

I told my wife I’d love her forever. Then I forgot her name. Forever’s shorter than I thought.

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

I woke up in the middle of the night and my cat was just sitting on my chest, staring at me. It looked like she was trying to decide if I was worth keeping around.

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

I woke up at 3 a.m. convinced I was a loaf of bread. My partner rolled over and whispered, “If you’re gluten-free, I’ll suck you off.” I cried myself back to sleep.

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

Dealing with angry emails from BlueSky's devs after posting a selfie and managing to get minus 400 likes.

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

Just opened a box of Grape-Nuts. I haven’t been this excited since FDR’s New Deal

submitted 4 hours ago • 15 comments

Your outie is a prolific serial killer and is always 2 steps ahead of authorities.

submitted 3 hours ago • 10 comments

The sexual tension between me and this glass of orange juice is pulpable.

submitted 3 hours ago • 2 comments

Roll me up and smoke me like your French girls.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

Good morning fuckers.

submitted 3 hours ago • 5 comments

Stupid things my brain said: What if spiders could drive cars? Now I’m lying here imagining a hairy spider in a tiny BMW cutting me off in traffic and flipping me off with all eight legs.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

Might fuck around and love myself today.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

No, that's my melancholy. Get your own.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

Repost with the very first album you bought with your own money

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Imagine if your baby grew up to be a cowboy and you heard that song, how attacked you would feel as a momma

submitted 2 hours ago • 5 comments

If I had only seen it coming. Narrator: He did in fact see it coming.

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Looking forward to the ultimate weighted blanket, six feet of dirt piled on top of me.

submitted 2 hours ago • 10 comments

Yeah, but…it’s a close second.

submitted 1 hour ago • 3 comments

Punishing myself by eating Grape Nuts for breakfast.

submitted 1 hour ago • 14 comments

*gets moon drunk and star stoned*

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Just reply guying all 3000 porn bots until they block me.

submitted 47 days ago • 8 comments

"Why's Derek being kicked out of creative writing?" "Plagiarised Shakespeare." Derek (Actually infinite monkeys in a trench coat): *Hangs heads

submitted 76 days ago • 3 comments