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ordinaryalso.bsky.social
Protect immigrants 36 he/him Florida https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:pbefxsfoltjuyja64n2eqgsr/feed/aaalqdxj3jv76
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cop pulling over person who seems remotely Hispanic: can i see your license and your birth certificate and ss card and your Instagram and also can you recite the pledge of allegiance?

Damn so we really are cooked

we live on a chicken in space being rotisseried

people who keep it PG are so weird man what do you mean you swear to Bob

how come i never see you in the pit at Chuck E. Cheese

not proud of who i become when taking eye drops

need a neck brace. not for any sort of injury or anything. just for my own good

It's 50/50 and it looks like you already have a wrist injury, I'd say don't risk it.

enhancing my autism by drinking even more fluoride

Wait so isn’t anyone who raises chickens technically a chicken tender?

Never pulling over for a motorcycle cop. I have more wheels than you, bro.

fries are the best sub-species of potatoes

i am but an outgoing introvert

is it a trick? Or is THIS the time she’ll let me pet her?

inventor of the neti pot: you'll feel better with some light drowning

Having a soothing cup of tea in the back of my Dragula

The feminine name of Matt is Mattress

come on. hurry up, dementia.

you’re locked in. im locked out.

Apple bottom jncos

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN HERE

what I would give for some ignorance and bliss rn

Your honor. Mr Bugs Bunny is not, in fact, a bunny at all. Due to the length of his ears, he is a hare. Whether it was duck season or rabbit season, is irrelevant. On behalf of my client, Mr Fudd, I motion to dismiss.

imagine if spiders could breakdance

Today, Satan

i know how to save the planet

IF YOU'RE INLINE FOR ROLLER SKATES STAY INLINE

Whimsy is a survival skill.

i will no longer be taking the high road. i have taken an oath with the howling society of the catacombs

kids who chew on their shirts can’t fool me i know you’re a moth

oh. oh no. don’t reply to my email what are you doing

saying “he’s gonna be such a heartbreaker” is my favorite baby compliment that could also be a terrifying prophecy.