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oxmounter.bsky.social
At any given moment my boob to peanut butter cup ratio (by volume) is likely at parity.
83 posts 34 followers 79 following
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Posts 24 Comments 26

It’s finally happened. A mediocre white man told me to “cheer up and smile” yesterday. I have crossed the Rubicon of womanhood.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I’m going to start aggressively seeking a friend with a pool this summer. Like I’ll hang out topless aggressive. I’m prepared to burn the boobies for a fucking pool.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

When you drop your brand new, 20 minutes old phone into a toilet the first thing you need to do is tell yourself “this is going to be OK”.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I keep reading that Bluesky is dying. It’s because I shaved my legs again, isn’t it?

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Crossword puzzle clue this morning: “I’ve got a ____ in Kalamazoo” and of course it’s “gal” because Radar sang it over the PA in an episode of MASH I saw in like 1982. Yet I can’t seem to remember to take my meds in the morning.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

Bar + Strip Mall ≠ Pub

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

Woke pope doo-de-yum da-dee-yada Woke pope doo-de-yum da-dee-yada Woke pope doo-de-yum da-dee-yada W-O-K-E-P-O-P-E Woke pope

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

My thoughts on the new pope:

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

My wife has named my boobs. May I introduce you to “don’t worry” and “be happy”. I am Booby McFerrin.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

The anti-transgender news over the last couple of weeks has been disheartening. Yet it has yielded some hilarious data.

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

Yes, we're aware of the man outside the penguin enclosure screaming "YOU WRECKED MY MARRIAGE, HAPPY FEET!" No, we don't know the backstory.

submitted 53 days ago • 9 comments

I’m wearing thermal leggings and a faux fur coat. Motherfucker, there’s daffodils blooming in the god damn yard.

submitted 61 days ago • 0 comments

How long have I been misspelling “teat”? And why did nobody tell me?

submitted 62 days ago • 0 comments

Fun fact: T-Rex had a gargantuan cock.

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on Earth has ever produced the expression "as pretty as Mrs. Dalloway".

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Some call it “chosen family”. I prefer “amassing an army of loyal, anti-white suprematists badass weirdos one news story away from unpredictable rage”.

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

May have mixed my “face” and “butthole” wash cloths. Unclear. Now we wait and see if my brain is going to let it go, or if I need to start over.

submitted 74 days ago • 0 comments

We are Skeeters. I don’t think that was carefully thought out.

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments

Perhaps if your only reference wasn’t pornhub…..

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments

It’s is simultaneously hot and cold outside which sums up spring in Pennsylvania.

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments

Sorry about the cold. I shaved my legs this morning.

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

Can we universally talk about cilantro whenever that shit-hole goes down? Consider it thinning the hoi polloi from the truly weird.

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

Has anyone checked on Iggy Pop lately?

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

What other people do is about them. Just for today, I can decide who can take my joy from me. My serenity is mine.

submitted 93 days ago • 0 comments