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porkchophair.bsky.social
enjoy the process 💜 •I’m @pork_chop_hair everywhere else• Recent: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efdtjcx67l6vpztu7muhp64s/feed/aaaboubzwgwgu
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Posts 46 Comments 4

Just to be clear: I did that because I love dancing, not because you were shooting at my feet.

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

I’m considering becoming likeable.

submitted 9 days ago • 4 comments

I’m extremely attractive if you just glance at me for a quick sec

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

Here’s a somewhat brutal tip that I hope I remember - if you’re old and worried about your days being numbered, behave in a way that will make people sad to see you go

submitted 3 days ago • 106 comments

Donald Trump cracking down on misinformation is like a Nazi cracking down on anti-Semitism is like a rapist cracking down on sexual assault is like an Epstein client cracking down on pedophiles is like a convicted felon cracking down on criminals is like an anti-vaxxer cracking down on diseases

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

You don't scare me, you're not the middle aged dude in my community writing group looking for feedback on his erotic memoirs

submitted 277 days ago • 2 comments

I've said it before and I'll say it again because I have a terrible memory

submitted 2 days ago • 14 comments

no thanks heaven i don’t want more life at the end of my life

submitted 2 days ago • 11 comments

Sorry, can’t today. I’m too busy trying to live with my heart ricketily cantilevered over an abyss.

submitted 181 days ago • 1 comment

Trying to make small, manageable changes like eating ordinate amounts of peanut butter cookies

submitted 27 days ago • 5 comments

Me: Be bold and proud! Don’t let the world dull your sparkle! Also me: [subtly mumble-sings when someone pulls up next to me at a stoplight]

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Me: can Bigfoot mate with a Yeti Google: ok one more then bedtime for real

submitted 11 days ago • 9 comments

Panic attacks are jazz hands for the soul.

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments

If you ever find yourself feeling like time is passing too quickly, join a conference call

submitted 11 days ago • 5 comments

Was Earth Day something that happened by accident or did somebody planet?

submitted 11 days ago • 8 comments

Her: You secretly believe that your own tastes in art, film, food and music are superior to everyone else’s. Me: Secretly? No.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

[writing in journal] had our first fight as a living together couple today. we worked thru it really well. also, there is a specific way we fold towels now

submitted 11 days ago • 31 comments

If I've ever loved you, you may be entitled to compensation

submitted 11 days ago • 4 comments

always remember: not everything is your fault, just the stuff that happened since you were born

submitted 11 days ago • 7 comments

cannot believe i was left out of a SECOND war chat, this is so unfair

submitted 13 days ago • 9 comments

My fear and loathing transcend locality.

submitted 13 days ago • 2 comments

America: where autism is a national crisis, but homelessness, poverty, bigotry, sexism, racism, trafficking, anti-Semitism, pandemics, and mass shootings are not

submitted 13 days ago • 1 comment

struggling to reposition myself in a giant spider web because i’m next to a guy who talks too much

submitted 14 days ago • 2 comments

Your secret is safe with me, I wasn’t listening

submitted 15 days ago • 1 comment

Need to get back into evaluating trees based on their suitability for supporting a sweet fort.

submitted 25 days ago • 1 comment

You should be able to twist the bottom of the pringles can to bring the chips up to the top like a chapstick.

submitted 54 days ago • 8 comments

If you start The Shining at the same time as Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours, you will not be able to hear the movie very well.

submitted 213 days ago • 1 comment

We’re gonna need a bigger sage.

submitted 29 days ago • 40 comments

It’s a heist movie but just with a bunch of humanities scholars trying to get their grant money back.

submitted 29 days ago • 103 comments

brb gotta go bliss out on thoughts that should be extinct but are still my favorite thoughts

submitted 28 days ago • 2 comments

kate bush running past sisyphus

submitted 132 days ago • 67 comments

what if we kissed on that giant pile of sweatpants at Costco?

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

sell peanut butter in wide tubs, not deep jars. tired of gettin pb on my knucks

submitted 41 days ago • 222 comments

writing “executive orders are not laws” on nails and giving every politician a lobotomy with them

submitted 37 days ago • 3 comments

I’m tired of giving friendly advice. I’m going to start offering violent alternatives

submitted 518 days ago • 9 comments

Aquarius: The asteroid changed its course away from Earth because it wanted to avoid you.

submitted 62 days ago • 11 comments

I can be your father figure/ And you can be my long lost pal

submitted 51 days ago • 2 comments

Dance like you're trying not to make the vinyl jump.

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

This gravelly crunchy sound coming from my jaw these days... totally normal right ??

submitted 41 days ago • 13 comments

overhand windmill slapping the shit out of your head in duck duck goose

submitted 42 days ago • 4 comments

align your actions with ease rather than urgency

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

You, me, and the lie.

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

Started fake-gagging every time I saw a cybertruck as a joke, but now my body does it naturally when one passes by. No thinking involved. The lesson is, with enough passion YOU TOO can train your mind and body to do delightful, fun things.

submitted 41 days ago • 5 comments

Finding a therapist that can help me be meaner

submitted 81 days ago • 1 comment

Me, being too much >>> them, not being enough

submitted 49 days ago • 1 comment

I know I can be a bit much but I can also be nowhere near enough

submitted 46 days ago • 7 comments