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professor-somethin.bsky.social
I shake it like jello, make the boys say, “Please stop.”
42 posts 41 followers 21 following
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Posts 33 Comments 15

how do you even get the permits to build a highway to the danger zone?

submitted 2 days ago • 30 comments

I just think everyone should know that this avocado tree—grown from the pit of an avocado I used to make guacamole—is now taller than me 😌

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

My weed delivery guy gave me a pair of socks 🥹 Everything is—and I cannot overstate this—coming up Milhouse

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Heavy on the skeet

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

People can watch literal art on their TVs, and Americans choose to watch grown men give each other brain injuries

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

millennials will be like yeah i have a favorite opera and it's just The Black Parade (2006) by my chemical romance

submitted 16 days ago • 84 comments

When my outfit’s bad and I know it 😔

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Dealing with tariff news by ordering an ungodly amount of nail polish from famously Canadian brand Holo Taco. If I’m gonna be mad as hell all the time, I might as well also look cute.

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Everything is bad except this

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

apparently it's illegal to goon on public transportation now??? society is truly falling apart

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

Shower head manufacturers—enough with the mister settings. I want to hose down my goods, not moisten my produce

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

just stumbled on a real jaw-dropper of a line in an essay -- “The corollary of being interested in a great range of things is to have sympathy with a great range of outlooks” -- and that, my friends, is why reading is so important.

submitted 25 days ago • 61 comments

him: oh no, the horrors me: *suddenly delighted* the whores?? him: the horrors me: whores him: *panicked* HORRORS me: *getting out money to support my local business ladies* yeah we're saying the same thing

submitted 26 days ago • 24 comments

not only am i sexualizing fetishizing and objectifying that man i'm also victimizing him

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Fun fact: ChatGPT is actually short for Chat Genis Penis Tenis

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

Diving through a rainy LA on my way back home yesterday, I was reminded that people don’t “forget how to drive” in inclement weather. They just continue to drive the way they always do. Which is bad.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Weary of hot takes, so here’s a recent #sewing project I really liked. The cacophony of patterns and charms was inspired by the cluttered backdrops of Ghibli films.

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

People keep saying “the point of all this stuff is psychological warfare” but like I’m pretty sure the point is to do all the things they intend to do as fast as possible like their website said they would do

submitted 28 days ago • 105 comments

Heading to a baby shower thinking about how much better this would be if the baby was a puppy

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

I want to send emails with “you raggedy bitch” in the subject.

submitted 29 days ago • 9 comments

Hey how ‘bout instead of playing your phone in public without headphones you just pay me money?

submitted 31 days ago • 1 comment

Before the onslaught of questionable performance art begins, please think about your concept for at least 5 minutes

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

My neck. My back. My sciatic nerve attack

submitted 31 days ago • 1 comment

The movie Aladdin taught me that good things happen when you rub one out.

submitted 32 days ago • 35 comments

Thirst trap with an inspirational caption? Call that Chicken Soup for the Hole

submitted 32 days ago • 1 comment

When things look abysmal, I look to my friends making wonderfully cool shit and it gives me something to shine about even in dark days 💚

submitted 32 days ago • 15 comments

You ever go, “Wait, did I just think that, or is it a tweet I saw years ago?”

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

I don’t kink shame until I do.

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

The best thing to compare tiktok to is 4loko.

submitted 33 days ago • 6 comments

Microdosing socialism and getting frozen yogurt 🫡🇸🇪

submitted 33 days ago • 1 comment

“Hard times make hard men” yes, that is generally how circle jerks unfold

submitted 33 days ago • 1 comment

Today and in the coming days, remember

submitted 34 days ago • 292 comments

Watching adult cinema instead of the inauguration because if I want to watch someone getting fucked, it better be consensual

submitted 34 days ago • 5 comments