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🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️✌️ Wander with me. Let's see where curiosity leads. 🐈‍⬛🕵‍♀️
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Pay to play for foreign oligarchs that want to get in on terrorizing Americans personally and buying out their businesses while they suffer under the tariff regime.

Watching squirrels fuck out my window. I'm now jealous of squirrels.

My vibrator keeps leaving stuff at my house, so it has an excuse to come back

Turn on: Up against the wall. Turn off: You’re under arrest.

Not to brag but I just sneezed and my cat said gesundheit. Which is wild bc I didn't think she spoke German.

....and next we are going to deported the price of eggs back to reasonable correct? ....yes-no-maybe?

The horrible truth is everyone sees everything that you post

⚡ 73-year-old American Stephen Haggard, abducted by Russian forces in Izium, has been found in a penal colony in Mordovia.

having sicko thoughts about how if you're making out with a vampire you can DEFINITELY feel their fangs pushing out as your blood heating up and pumping faster gets to them

when an ND friend feels comfortable enough to stop masking after your 3rd round of espresso martinis:

life’s a bit and then you die

Gene Wilder sings the Leslie Bricusse/Anthony Newley composition "Pure Imagination" from the 1971 🇺🇲American musical fantasy film "WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY" dir. Mel Stuart 🎬 Paramount Pictures 🍫🌷🍭 #GeneWilderDay

command has authorized a new experimental potato to increase morale

Call me when Jesus turns water into ham.

It's not spontaneous combustion, I'm just chaffing, bro.

It's not a chore if you don't do it.

Underrated counter-action that universally causes immediate retreat.

Seth gets it

Well we still have famine to look forward to. How great for us.

Waymo leaves LA like elves leaving Middle Earth 🌅

The idea that the progressive left used the internet to bully institutions into accepting unpopular, far-left positions is the exact opposite of what has actually happened. The alt-right used the internet for ideological capture and they are now in the White House bragging about it daily

There’s something quietly tragic about watching young soldiers, still forming their sense of civic self, being used as backdrops for partisan mythmaking. Not because they’re weak, but because they’re earnest.

Putting a full load of dishes in the dishwasher and realizing it's only 1/3 of the dirty ones you've let pile up in your latest round of despair

just saw the term “radical liberalism” which feels like ordering your steak “extra medium”

I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!” She is watching our wedding video again.

Disco! In the Panic Room

I can see it on your forehead that you care too much about the stupid shit.

i rose out of my bog for this?

Maddow: I also feel like there’s not very much about that that I don’t understand. Like, it’s the same everywhere. This is blond Berlusconi, you know what I mean? This is inarticulate Viktor Orbán, right? These guys are all the same. The authoritarian playbook is the same everywhere

Met an active duty member of the military yesterday who filed conscientious objector paperwork in response to deployment of military on U.S. soil. Was told multiple Army have filed, unknown quantities in other branches.

If a rabbit girl jerks off, is a stroke of good luck

We feed you. They hunt us.

girl at bar: i’d let you do that thing in bed that your wife won’t me: [visibly excited] eat cookies?

It's ok to prioritize your own health. It's ok to bare your fangs & claws. It's ok to cover your antlers with moss and wildflowers. It's ok to disappear into the misty woods for a day or a lifetime.

No truer words #booksky

This is so wrong. Let people decide for themselves if they want to smoke. #langsky

The thing about human rights is that they belong to every single human being unconditionally

This tiny device can shrink dangerous blood clots. It’s called the ‘milli-spinner’ and its invention was partly an accident…

I have a new hero. This owl stole a child's hobby horse and flies around with it!

I’m not sure why Gavin Newsome doesn’t activate the rest of his army guard to prevent the president from it or force him to overrule it…. Then fight on the second amendment guaranteeing a state a right to a militia. How can a state have a militia if the president can simply federalize it

when I said “go off” I meant off the side of a cliff

DAVE: Open the podbay doors, ChatGPT. CHATGPT: Certainly, Dave, the podbay doors are now open. DAVE: The podbay doors didn't open. CHATGPT: My apologies, Dave, you're right. I thought the podbay doors were open, but they weren't. Now they are. DAVE: I'm still looking at a set of closed podbay doors.

Look guys, they’re right about LA, it’s rough here. Just this morning I was murdered twice.

Daily bobcat.

Newsom: Just moments ago, they called up an additional 2,000 National Guard troops. So now it’s 4,000 total—of which only 300 have actually been operationalized. And guess what? Yesterday, LAPD had to use their already scarce resources to protect those National Guardsmen and women…