Profile avatar
quicklycrocodile.bsky.social
i don't blame you (yes i do) best: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:s4itrggfqgvsf5wx3fgrmj33/feed/aaabfut25mghe new: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:s4itrggfqgvsf5wx3fgrmj33/feed/aaaov5bpxf23q alt pfp/bgp: starfish/bitch
12,883 posts 1,895 followers 581 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 49 Comments 1

dead (wo)men actually do tell tales…✨

submitted 36 minutes ago • 0 comments

When I get my topsoil delivered, it’s over for you ditches.

submitted 35 minutes ago • 0 comments

That lazy eye really brings out your evil eye..flirting.

submitted 1 hour ago • 4 comments

By definition, the birds and bees is sex ed through an interspecies, flying orgy. Makes sense.

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

Love thy neighbor my fuckin ass. I dont fuckin know that guy. He probably poops in the sink for all I know.

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

Haven't been enthralled in a while.

submitted 1 hour ago • 6 comments

men why can’t you just accept friendship from the femmes in your life without hoping for more it is so tiresome

submitted 1 hour ago • 3 comments

a calm that only serves to svvell the storm you’ve been hiding vvithin…✨

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

no thanks i'm an american i eat my bowl of bullets and gunpowder with raw milk as god intended

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

I temporarily interrupt the non-stop cavalcade of horrors and atrocities to remind you that this kid can't take a bad picture.

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

Are you okay, bro? You’re barely popping wheelies on your heelies

submitted 53 minutes ago • 0 comments

being a good shitposter means being a shit goodposter follow me for more timely wisdom

submitted 51 minutes ago • 1 comment

Are you okay, bro? You’re appreciating things earnestly instead of ironically and it’s making people nervous

submitted 47 minutes ago • 0 comments

Remember when you used to look forward to things.

submitted 16 hours ago • 1 comment

*sticks my head on the ground like an ostrich*

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

Doomscrolling? You mean a post-apocalypse.

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

Can’t. I was punched in the root chakra

submitted 6 hours ago • 3 comments

Sorry, a van down by the river now costs $80K.

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

still shocking to me that we’re living under Lord Farquad’s reign. again

submitted 6 hours ago • 2 comments

I love you… but as a friend… of other people… that I don’t know.

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

I’m in my slut era. If anyone needs me, I’ll be adopting kittens so women will know I’m sensitive, then giving them tattoos so they’ll know I’m creative and could get a job if I wanted to

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

My hobbies include: spiraling, ghosting people I like, and buying books I’ll never read

submitted 3 hours ago • 1 comment

i actually did make some mint lemonade earlier and then immediately passed out for 4+ hours. solid monday, can’t complain.

submitted 3 hours ago • 1 comment

Yeah, but is drinking responsibility really drinking?

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Monkey

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

claw game but for dildos, call it a dick pick

submitted 3 hours ago • 4 comments

Imagine pining for these days of present twenty years from now.

submitted 3 hours ago • 1 comment

jorts with a side of attidude

submitted 3 hours ago • 3 comments

an object at rest stays at rest. a person in a towel after a shower who lays on the bed stays there until they die

submitted 3 hours ago • 10 comments

It’s nice when the vet agreed that your pet looks and acts much younger than its age

submitted 3 hours ago • 3 comments

whatever I would love to fly by the seat of my pants

submitted 3 hours ago • 3 comments

protesters blowing bubbles at police 🤣

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

theyre rebranding Santa. this christmas he's not saying "Ho ho ho." He's saying "slut slut slut!"

submitted 3 hours ago • 2 comments

Have they tried salting the polar ice to prevent them from melting? /s

submitted 3 hours ago • 1 comment

oh? You’re Canadian? *melts*

submitted 3 hours ago • 2 comments

I feel like some of you are raging WITH the machine.

submitted 4 hours ago • 5 comments

But can you make her hiccups disappear bro?

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

when you said you wanted to be friends with benefits, i just assumed you wanted to share your weed

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

A "Furry" Told Me To Burn In Hell Earlier. I Laughed. He Doesnt Know I'm Already In Hell And Thats Why There Are Furries.

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

any recs on a good psychic hotline? 900 numbers only please

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

"well we're not here to fuck spiders" -Ancient Australian proverb

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

i will teach the wine moms the "suck it" gesture, free of charge

submitted 6 hours ago • 2 comments

protests are not riots. protests are not illegal.

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

[me as a high school guidance counselor] hahaha life is gonna shit on you all so bad

submitted 3 hours ago • 2 comments

C’mon kids, stop body shaming the teapot, it knows it’s little and stout.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

Ain’t no typo worse than a sexting typo: I want you to gum in my moth. 🤦🏼‍♀️

submitted 3 hours ago • 17 comments

while physically I am stoned on the couch spiritually I am one with the combination pizza hut and taco bell

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

i don’t trust anyone who dabs their pizza with a napkin. let her be wet. she’s doing her best.

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

FAST FOOD TRICK: if you go to arbys and ask for the Beef Journey, you’ll get four beef and cheddar sandwiches for $6 but if you go to arbys and slam your head directly into the deep fryer you can alter the trajectory of a cashiers life for free

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments