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quicklycrocodile.bsky.social
i don't blame you (yes i do) best: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:s4itrggfqgvsf5wx3fgrmj33/feed/aaabfut25mghe new: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:s4itrggfqgvsf5wx3fgrmj33/feed/aaaov5bpxf23q alt pfp/bgp: starfish/bitch
13,234 posts 2,014 followers 628 following
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Posts 39 Comments 11

Sometimes I read something that I'm about to post and I think, "Girl WTF is wrong with you???" 🤔Then hit post anyway. (Leave no skeet unturned lil b*tch)😆

submitted 39 minutes ago • 5 comments

i'm sorry i rolled you in flour & left you sitting under a damp cloth, but, in my defence, you should have been more specific when you said you want to be bred...

submitted 33 minutes ago • 0 comments

Eating seven slices of Texas toast would fix me

submitted 1 hour ago • 2 comments

Store for both autumn enthusiasts and vertigo sufferers: Fallmart

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

me, big sex haver irl posting about "fuck" for my bros on the internet: yeah so i was doing a sex on my bitch last night. totally licked that stuff like a champ first. think i got her right in the "clint" twice.

submitted 1 hour ago • 2 comments

Guy behind me at Costco saying, "Excuse me!" when I'm clearly stuck in a clusterfuck of people is the equivalent of getting honked at in a traffic jam *screams into Costco pillow*

submitted 1 hour ago • 5 comments

Hotel Majima

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

I'm sorry they made you shoot that Internet ad in your own home.

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

My skeets will soon be available for sale in those truck stop restroom vending machines, right next to the novelty condoms.

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

Me: I am afraid of rollerblading and I refuse to elaborate. Me, 30 seconds later when no one tried to get me to elaborate: Ok, so there was this incident in Michigan. The year was 1999. I was all heart, no knee pads…

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

When I was 18, I called out sick to go to Warped Tour. Now I can stream it from my desk. Who said technology was all bad?

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Just let me rule the planet for 24 hrs. I promise I can get this shit sort out quick.

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

I’m a souped up really raised veggie garden bed so I don’t have to stoop years old.

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Is it even possible to do an extreme sport without redbull getting involved now?

submitted 44 minutes ago • 0 comments

Third base is being horny at each other on main

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

If I fall into your thirst trap, you have to catch and release me. It's the law.

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

when im not posting here im still posting in my head

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

Sometimes you just need to be willing rather than ready. 🥀

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

in the over two years I’ve been on here, I’m glad to see the oppositional feral defiant disorder still holds

submitted 1 hour ago • 2 comments

Your influencers are on TikTok. Ours were the weird older kids who taught us how to light things on fire behind the 7-Eleven.

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

even if they have no kids, husbands turn into dads at 40

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

boss: did you finish that document? me: umm... I have a boyfriend

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

I just reminded my kid not to forget to make time for her physio exercises for her foot and she sunnily promised to "try not to!". So yes, my parenting style is continuing to bite me in the ass, why do you ask?

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

Hanging out with my kid and I felt like I was being watched. ❤️🐱👀#lucypancakes

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

weird dog that only yells out kevin james movie titles: paulblart

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Warlock's supply store: Thrallmart

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Store for everything outside your bedroom: Hallmart

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

munchies💚

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

$40 million for a parade, you think they could’ve splurged on some WD40

submitted 2 hours ago • 3 comments

*seductively wipes the marinara dripping down my chin without losing eye contact with you*

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

The way to a person's heart is through their blue notifications dot.

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Saying “I lick that stuff” is a weird way to say “I’ve never eaten pussy before in my life”

submitted 1 hour ago • 13 comments

I could have worded that better

submitted 1 hour ago • 2 comments

I’m like that tablet of alka seltzer and the world is a glass of water, breaking me down but pretending to help.

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

i installed a usb port in the base of my skull and accidentally put in a linux iso and now i get sweaty talking to women

submitted 1 hour ago • 4 comments

It's 4:20 somewhere.

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

*clout sluts into the DM’s*

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

I thought the Army parade had come to town, but it was just a cricket in my garage.

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

This is about me

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment