reginaprime.bsky.social
A Sci-Fi Microfiction podcast from the Weird Barbie of the #audiodrama community.
Podcast = Blade Runner + Orphan Black
Creator = The car crash you can’t look away from
783 posts
205 followers
109 following
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But you don’t see it. He’s just some harmless hick to you, right? If you’ve never known the instinct to run from the sight of a man like this, then you haven’t had to learn to live with paranoia as a survival tactic.
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And people wonder why we seem so paranoid all the time. Because we see men like this and immediately know what they’re capable of.
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I never want harm of any kind to come to anyone, including my harassers. I have turned a blind eye to actions of other individuals in the past, but have always done what I could to quell any unwanted attention once I was made aware of it. I have never been shown the same courtesy by anyone involved.
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I’m doing the work. I’m in the process of updating my medication. I’m seeing a therapist. I’m practicing self care. I’m not perfect, and I have let my anger out in inappropriate ways at times. I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I’ve let go of so much already, but there’s so much more to go.
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My obsessive nature gets me in trouble, especially right now when I’m struggling daily with my destructive coping mechanisms, but I do not want harm for anyone, ever. I want it recognized harm was done to me. That’s all.
I don’t know why that is so difficult for anyone to admit publicly.
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Today, I’m starting to feel better about myself. I’m taking better care of my skin. I’m wearing makeup for pleasure again. I’m trying clothes I never thought I’d look good in. I’m nowhere near 100%, but at least I can recognize a day where I like the way I look again. 💚💜
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A lot of that disconnection relates back to Regina & how she talks about her clones. She doesn’t see them as part of herself, & yet she does. She doesn’t want ownership of their choices, & yet they are hers too.
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Who was this empty shell of a person? Why did her eyes look so dead? Why did her skin look so ravaged? Why was she so disproportionate?
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💜💚💜💚💜💚💜💚
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I can’t imagine the mental gymnastics it takes to blame me for the quality of their show, when I’m just sitting here making a fucking latch hook rug or filming hummingbirds in my garden.
Y’all yelled at me for months to go touch grass. I finally do, and you’re trying to pull me back inside?
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Still a little rusty, but I need time grow my calluses back, find my breath again, and remember the chords.
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It’s been a tough day today. But I am determined to be a better me.
So today when I felt anger, I decided to continue my journey of reconnecting to an older version of myself, and reached for my guitar, which I have not played since I set down the cover of “905” that opened the season proper.
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The anger of betrayal. The anger of abandonment. The anger of being a woman. The anger of being an “older” woman. Anger at my country. Anger at myself. Anger at God.
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I got receipts for everything, #audiodrama community. Try me.
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When I asked for help, I was told not to bring others into my fight.
When I complained of misogyny, I was told I wasn’t “nice” enough about it.
When I told the finally spoke up, I was told I was “playing the victim.”
When I protected a vulnerable creator, I was told not to be a “martyr.”
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When will you understand that I do not give a fuck about whatever scam you’re running? Because I do not give a fuck about YOU.
None of this was ever about YOU. YOU had to make it about YOU to make YOURSELF feel more important than you are.
YOU are just as unimportant as I am, baby. Accept it.
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How much power do you think I have? If I had power to deny you anything from your audience, why the fuck wouldn’t I be using it to make my own show more visible? You know, to feed that giant ego you think I have?
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Thank you to everyone who has stopped to let me know the show means something to you 💜💚