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Dad, frantically waking up after dozing off on the couch: “What? Huh? Is it over? Did I miss it? Who won?” Me: “Um… the Spinosaurus won.” (We were watching “Walking with Dinosaurs” on PBS)

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

Visiting Jurassic Park and getting super pissed off because most of the dinosaurs are actually from the Cretaceous Period.

submitted 18 hours ago • 0 comments

Buy me sandwiches.

submitted 22 hours ago • 8 comments

Eating a Snickers can turn your whole day around.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

They should do a next day follow-up to Hot Ones where the celebrities talk about how spicy their poops were.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Thicker legs. Shorter shorts.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

What do you mean this is only halfway done? 🥲 #crochet 🧶

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

I may investigate Planet Fitness. I’ve never really been interested in that gym, but there is one approximately two minutes from my house, so it would be extremely convenient.

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Asked my nephew (2.5 years old) what his favorite type of cookie is, and he said, “Poop cookies,” and I just don’t think he’s telling the truth.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I am contemplating starting several gym memberships to see which gym I like best.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

They should make hotdogs that clean your teeth.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

I thought I had finished Doctor Odyssey a while ago, but apparently I had only watched the MID-SEASON finale, so I spent my whole day today crocheting and watching the back half of Season 1. If ABC doesn’t renew this show, I will riot. (It is such a stupid show, but I love it so much).

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

If you’ve ever called me Daddy, you owe me a Father’s Day present.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

My high school’s Homecoming parades were more exciting than this.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to be sad, so I’m expecting the next couple days to be ROUGH.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I wasn’t sure if Adventure Time was appropriate for my 2.5 year old nephew, but this boy is ENTHRALLED.

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

My new shoes seem to be cutting off circulation. I have lost all sensation in several of my toes.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

lmaoo never gets old

submitted 3 days ago • 46 comments

No Kings includes Draft Kings

submitted 3 days ago • 37 comments

Finished training. I now have two days off. Please keep the noise down while I take the longest nap of my life.

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

I have been taking record-breaking quantities of ibuprofen this week.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Rick Moranis retired from acting decades ago but is coming back for Spaceballs 2. What a legend.

submitted 5 days ago • 5 comments

This is wild.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

This has been the most grueling training schedule of any job I’ve ever had, and I’m so fucking tired I’m tempted to quit. (I won’t, but I am so ready to be done).

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

I hope Season 5 is just a 6-episode extended edition of The Menagerie. #StarTrekStrangeNewWorlds

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Full Strawberry Moon.

submitted 6 days ago • 3 comments

I require coffee.

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

Installing bidets in my parents’ house while they aren’t paying attention.

submitted 7 days ago • 2 comments

I got my first paycheck direct deposited, and it showed up in my account 3 full days before pay day, and nobody can figure out why, so hopefully I’m just special and I get paid early every time.

Dad, frantically waking up after dozing off on the couch: “What? Huh? Is it over? Did I miss it? Who won?” Me: “Um… the Spinosaurus won.” (We were watching “Walking with Dinosaurs” on PBS)

Visiting Jurassic Park and getting super pissed off because most of the dinosaurs are actually from the Cretaceous Period.

Buy me sandwiches.

Eating a Snickers can turn your whole day around.

They should do a next day follow-up to Hot Ones where the celebrities talk about how spicy their poops were.

Thicker legs. Shorter shorts.

What do you mean this is only halfway done? 🥲 #crochet 🧶

I may investigate Planet Fitness. I’ve never really been interested in that gym, but there is one approximately two minutes from my house, so it would be extremely convenient.

Asked my nephew (2.5 years old) what his favorite type of cookie is, and he said, “Poop cookies,” and I just don’t think he’s telling the truth.

I am contemplating starting several gym memberships to see which gym I like best.

They should make hotdogs that clean your teeth.

I thought I had finished Doctor Odyssey a while ago, but apparently I had only watched the MID-SEASON finale, so I spent my whole day today crocheting and watching the back half of Season 1. If ABC doesn’t renew this show, I will riot. (It is such a stupid show, but I love it so much).

If you’ve ever called me Daddy, you owe me a Father’s Day present.

My high school’s Homecoming parades were more exciting than this.

I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to be sad, so I’m expecting the next couple days to be ROUGH.

I wasn’t sure if Adventure Time was appropriate for my 2.5 year old nephew, but this boy is ENTHRALLED.

My new shoes seem to be cutting off circulation. I have lost all sensation in several of my toes.

lmaoo never gets old

No Kings includes Draft Kings

Finished training. I now have two days off. Please keep the noise down while I take the longest nap of my life.

I have been taking record-breaking quantities of ibuprofen this week.

Rick Moranis retired from acting decades ago but is coming back for Spaceballs 2. What a legend.

This is wild.

This has been the most grueling training schedule of any job I’ve ever had, and I’m so fucking tired I’m tempted to quit. (I won’t, but I am so ready to be done).

I hope Season 5 is just a 6-episode extended edition of The Menagerie. #StarTrekStrangeNewWorlds

Full Strawberry Moon.

I require coffee.

Installing bidets in my parents’ house while they aren’t paying attention.

I got my first paycheck direct deposited, and it showed up in my account 3 full days before pay day, and nobody can figure out why, so hopefully I’m just special and I get paid early every time.

I wish I had two hearts I could follow.

This headline reads like a report about cicadas.