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scareophonic.bsky.social
get on your bikes and ride!! 🩺🔬
40 posts 79 followers 441 following
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divine intervention

me, keeping my dignity: a baby punched me

Imagine making all that groundbreaking music only to be spiritually defeated by Macklemore

i never see anything but steampunk googles on hellboy’s head

You mix the signals, I’ll mix the drinks.

it might seem trashy and stupid for our congress to be shouting “USA! USA!” after every made up hyperbolic superlative trump makes, but you won’t be saying that when they start running head-first into each other with pots on their heads, like the male side of the simpson clan.

wow everyone search google right now for “elon musk weird dick”

Do not talk to me until I've had my coffee, gone for a run, found the path to living without harm, and passed away peacefully in the sunshine of my garden.

can’t stop thinking about how the real life version of idiocracy is going to be a kelce brother crashing his cryocoffin into the home of this loser, wearing a sleeveless shirt & shouting“asta so longa muchacho!” at his phone because he just found out his favorite food is ethnic

Absolutely batshit you can watch on live TV a rotting whale eating, bear corpse vandalizing, brainworm eaten, anti-science sex pest who drove an ex wife to suicide & looks exactly like corrupted Leland Palmer from Twin Peaks & sounds like Megatron auditioning to be head of America’s healthcare.

oh yeah? well, would a depressed person do THIS?!

we never should’ve given power to the nerds. the jocks shouldn’t have it either. we must usher in the age of the goths

AHS really nailed what most of my apocalypse conversations with men have been like (2025 YTD)

“like anyone can even know that”

*rich guy freaking out* Hey does anyone have any spare fire butlers that I could borrow

the odds are that both things are true - elon is adrian online, and there’s an IRL german fanboy. elon probably just cuts that guy a regular check to go along with the charade so elon can’t be held responsible for how cringey he is. we all know he will throw any amount of $ at being myspace famous

this lady is lying about her height. nobody TRULY in the tall guild would be offended - we love it. i feel like a marvel character when i can get someone something from the back of the top shelf! especially when they say “wow!” like i worked hard to be gigantic. pure dopamine.

When they kill *us* it's "increasing shareholder value", when we return the favor it's an "act of terrorism"

thoughts & prayers to police chief sam taylor as he navigates our healthcare system with a high-risk for cardiovascular disease and all that boot rubber in his mouth đź«¶

donate to luigi’s defense fund and make peter thiel sweatier: givesendgo.com/legalfund-ce...

Adam McKay complaining about the Beatles on Twitter in the year of our lord 2024

On cue

horror movie characters right before they self immolate

they should cut off new accounts as soon as the ip address for brooklyn dad tries to login