slapstickroberts.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

i have a pistol under this table right now. it is pointed directly at your dick & balls. now please. this really is a simple question. would you, or would you not, still love me if i turned into a weird scary bug?

submitted 349 days ago • 34 comments

You can't intellectualize the entire universe, man. Can you "measure" time? Could one "quantify" intelligence, or "weigh" a human heart? You’re gonna “test” my blood alcohol level?? Give me back my gun, officer, and be on your way.

submitted 316 days ago • 24 comments

To be honest, your honor? Honestly? That doesn’t even sound like some shit I’d do, to be honest with you.

submitted 102 days ago • 7 comments

The director of the FDA’s food division resigned on Monday, saying the loss of critical employees made his work impossible. Robert F. Kennedy Jr., President Trump’s new health secretary, has pledged to gut the division.

submitted 5 days ago • 101 comments

Trump blames Ukraine for starting the war the way a rapist blames his victim for looking too sexy.

submitted 5 days ago • 921 comments

The Washington Post pulled an ad that was set to run in some editions on Tuesday calling for Elon Musk to be fired from his role in government, a group that ordered the ad said. It would have covered the front and back pages of editions delivered to the White House, the Pentagon and Congress.

submitted 6 days ago • 264 comments

@juliusgoat.bsky.social

submitted 6 days ago • 724 comments

"Law and order" in the Trump era: if you bow down to the head of the U.S. government, he may help you - whether you're awaiting trial for sex crimes in Europe or doing time in the USA for physically assaulting police.

submitted 5 days ago • 513 comments

Can we agree now that infinite wealth hoarding is bad? Do we finally have enough record to prove how destructive it is to allow such stunted megalomaniacal misanthropic leeches to drain humanity? Nothing will ever be enough for them and they believe the world is theirs to burn. Why do we let them?

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

We need to acknowledge that social media is a big part of the problem. Right? Maybe? Turning everyone into preening, insecure content addicts might not be good for humanity. Kinda? Maybe? What, exactly, are we thanking Big Tech for? Not Penicillin. Not electricity. Not empathy. Theft and anger.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

I died. Twice. While you were looking. Don’t worry. It just means you can’t see.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

I rode the back of the bus. I buried Dr. King. You want me to participate in your little hate-a-thon against some other group? Kindly kiss my black ass.

submitted 10 days ago • 95 comments

Cats, I figured it out. If you post late enough, you don’t have to worry about validation. Cus e’rbody’s asleep. Turn that part of your brain off. Or maybe find some other thing to prove to yourself that you’re a real human who can do stuff. That’s cool too. You’re welcome.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Here’s the thing: sure, maybe the executive branch might get away with disobeying the other two branches. But We the People don’t have to obey anyone. We have a contract. This isn’t business, it’s life. Nobody’s actually afraid of you spoiled old bitches. Don’t break the contract.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

My mother asked what I’m doing about the “Nazi takeover.” I understand mothers think the world of their children, and want them to be part of the solution rather than the problem. But I also know my mother. She fully expects me to unilaterally fix all this and she’s mad I haven’t done so yet.

submitted 12 days ago • 1 comment

She speaks truth.

submitted 14 days ago • 1236 comments

I applaud effort to explain, rationally, how our system will be destroyed by those who are not rational. “Look, that’s super racist, and defies law/basic logic. See?” This country is about promise though. Always been terrible, but we try. We’re growth. We’re hope. Without hope, fear and hatred win

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

🤍🩷🩵🤎🖤❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

submitted 18 days ago • 7 comments

USAID’s website has been deleted, all that is left is a note saying all personnel are now on administrative leave and personnel outside the US are to be brought home. Completely illegal, no act of congress or even executive order was signed to dismantle the agency

submitted 19 days ago • 1425 comments

@nytimes.com PS what is up with this? www.nytimes.com/2025/02/03/u... “… challenged congressional authority and potentially breached civil service protections.” If you wanna pussyfoot maybe add “And also, maybe, we’re sorry, violated many laws and the constitution itself? Dunno. JK. We bow tho.”

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

@nytimes.com To Whom it May Concern, I am writing to report the Connections puzzle now seems to have a game-breaking bug. Specifically, the following 6 words are clearly all part of the same category: Lady Spread Grind Under Sticky Butter Actually, most of these words seem related, except Parlay

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

What are the terms of NATO again? Just asking cus a nazi is invading/attacking our government. Appropriate to ask for help? Or do we need to wait until he empties the treasury? Treaties are complicated

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Wait, so you thought there’s a tariff now on fentanyl or something? You thought, what, foreign governments will pay to export drugs? Or is it the cartels? Those things don’t connect. We’re paying more for goods, because you’re so angry you just want “someone” to pay. You’re paying. Common sense.

submitted 20 days ago • 1 comment

Think all zebras are striped? This individual, photographed in Africa’s Masai Mara, exhibits darker-than-usual pigmentation & a spotted coat—the result of a rare genetic mutation affecting its melanin production. Photo: Ashish J Parmar, CC BY-SA 4.0, Wikimedia Commons

submitted 20 days ago • 3 comments

Folks, the grifters told our addled, geriatric POTUS they need access to the country’s bank account and he was all “of course, should I sell everything and put it on $100 gift cards, or would you rather just take everything and give it to Putin? Btw I’m glad you called, I don’t know how this works”

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

is it good or bad that a billionaire oligarch with close ties to foreign dictators is currently downloading the most sensitive information the us federal government has about its citizens to his own private servers?

submitted 21 days ago • 1096 comments

U.S. Army destroys the swastika atop the Zeppelintribüne at the Nazi rally grounds in Nuremberg, April 22, 1945.

submitted 22 days ago • 25 comments

the gay agenda is to just not get exterminated

submitted 22 days ago • 5 comments

@nytimes.com Thank you for your reporting during these tumultuous and trying times. But your Spelling Bee lexicon is plainly lacking. Kindly reinstate the following real words to their proper positions of prominence within your puzzle: Botfuel Foultube Oboeflute Tuffleboob Buttfloe Thank you.

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

The felon is purging law enforcement of people who enforced the law against those that assaulted law enforcement officers. Meanwhile, the unelected rich thieves are trying to seize the nation’s check book. Did people really vote to turn the US into a crime syndicate? Are they seeing this?

submitted 22 days ago • 1 comment

Yo listen: Nobody, I mean NOBODY is a sovereign here. That is the whole fucking point of this country.

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments