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spork-lobotomy.bsky.social
Several monkeys with a typewriter and a deadline
2,448 posts 2,753 followers 567 following
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Posts 27 Comments 23

For cannibals, any fight is technically a food fight

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

My slut era started in about 1998. I don't think I've had other eras. I may just be a slut.

submitted 144 days ago • 2 comments

The Burger King's profits have yet to recover since he evoked his right of prima nocta on all the burgers

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

*putting on my de-escalation riot gear*

submitted 15 days ago • 1 comment

Between lasik eye surgery and laser hair removal, I want almost every inch of my body to be blessed by the almighty laser

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

Me *writing in a letter with my own blood*: PLEASE SEND INK

submitted 19 days ago • 1 comment

*son goes missing for a week* wife: maybe ask your bluesky followers for help me: that would be extremely off-brand linda

submitted 94 days ago • 5 comments

How many advancements do we need before it's appropriate for me to date my toaster?

submitted 35 days ago • 1 comment

After carrying my spouse out of our burning home, I run back in to grab my most prized possession: a bucket worth of fire

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

Despite the name, these golden showers have not made me feel cleaner at all

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

My robot surgeon stunned to silence upon finding that I have captchas on all my organs

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

Who's your favorite Pokémon? Wrong answers only.

submitted 45 days ago • 3 comments

Commander: Do not fire until you see the whites of their eyes Rival Army: Puts on sunglasses Commander: No, goddammit, NO!

submitted 45 days ago • 0 comments

Between Candy, Daisy, and Mr. Mayor, I'm not sure why my father felt the need to give all his pets stripper names

submitted 50 days ago • 0 comments

Me: My greatest flaw? I take everything literally The Interviewer: Well, that shouldn't be a- *I begin taking all the things on their desk*

submitted 59 days ago • 1 comment

You gonna eat that? (seductively)

submitted 60 days ago • 1 comment

No one has reported on this yet but all the people from the Vance Donut Shop vid have also died

submitted 59 days ago • 1 comment

Rolling my D&D dice to see if I let you live

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

You can lead a horse to whatever

submitted 59 days ago • 9 comments

In the event of emergencies, it is technically acceptable to use a water fountain as a bidet

submitted 60 days ago • 0 comments

"What are you smiling for, Alex. What's wrong with you?"

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

jar jar binks shouting “oh no yousa medusa” as he turns to stone

submitted 70 days ago • 8 comments

the muppets are holding me down and bending my knees the wrong way

submitted 70 days ago • 4 comments

Corn on the cob is just ribs for vegetarians

submitted 70 days ago • 1 comment

Life milestone, I now react vocally to the books I'm reading

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

Giving out head like it's the French Revolution

submitted 71 days ago • 3 comments

In an attempt to recapture the magic of our early days, I have started sending my spouse unsolicited dick pics

submitted 73 days ago • 1 comment