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strangertings5.bsky.social
30 posts 81 followers 614 following
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You incomplete me.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Sloth seems a lot harder than the other deadly sins. If you're human.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

If I was listing my top skills, one would be written wording and the other would be that long word that means you know lots of words.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

My wife asked me to choke her a little in bed, so I threw some skittles in her mouth while she was sleeping.

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments

I’m not making it up. My mate genuinely sells houses. He’s a real Estate Agent. #LunchPun

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

The weather is being a dirty tease today, y'all should love it.

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments

Shout out to the people wondering what the opposite of in is

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

* Personal ads Woman who can't finish sentences seeks

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

I met a vaping vampire from Romania. He called himself Vlad the Inhaler.

submitted 9 days ago • 3 comments

Trying to remember the last time Man United finished below Everton and it’s too difficult to think and/or google while laughing so hard.

submitted 11 days ago • 3 comments

@gunnerblog.bsky.social James, A contestant on Beast Games has 'borrowed' your ™ phrase 😯

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

On today of all days too. Poor girl

submitted 13 days ago • 13 comments

Viscous is a great adjective. But not for urine.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

I forgot to screenshot my deactivation from Twitter. How will people know what a hero I am?

submitted 14 days ago • 5 comments

I bet the season finale of the news will be epic.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

"He was like a knob of butter. But without the 'of butter'". [great novel first lines]

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

Your move, pineapple.

submitted 19 days ago • 35 comments

She sells seashells, on the sea shore. Until she goes bankrupt as there are innumerable free ones. [an economics 101 story]

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Participating necessitates the existence of fullticipating.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

A vampire chatbot is called Al Dente

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

Skeletons in my closet? Nope. Under my floorboards...

submitted 29 days ago • 4 comments

Sherlock Holmes is my favourite fictional residential property developer.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

* Word Facts The word 'acronym' is an acronym. "A composite real ordinary noun you manufactured".

submitted 50 days ago • 0 comments

I just flew in from Chernobyl and boy are my arms legs

submitted 52 days ago • 49 comments

‘This year me’ just told ‘last year me’ that he’s a dick for the way he put away these Christmas lights.

submitted 109 days ago • 7 comments

There's so many porn bots because there's no male porn bots. I think they're just lonely

submitted 51 days ago • 7 comments

Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is? In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

Miscellaneous is one of those words you really can't put in a category.

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

On the lookout for #SquirrelCrimes.

submitted 61 days ago • 218 comments

Grapes are fruit! Wine is made from fruit, I protested to the doctor.

submitted 60 days ago • 4 comments

If I was a volcano, I'd definitely be inactive.

submitted 60 days ago • 0 comments

* Xmas facts In Ireland Christmas eve is spelt Christmas iamh.

submitted 65 days ago • 0 comments

I think 'Santa Paws' would be a good name for a fictitious fat cat that wears red and likes mince pies.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

This year’s Christmas message at the ghee factory came out all jumbled. The shop floor asked management to print it again. They did and the same reply was sent by both parties: “Thank you for clarifying”

submitted 67 days ago • 3 comments

Got mugged outside the local shop last night and was repeatedly hit over the head with a flute, a double bass, and a violin… The police are convinced it was an orchestrated attack

submitted 72 days ago • 182 comments

If you're wondering what level of British I am today, I've just apologised to a locked cupboard.

submitted 72 days ago • 5 comments

A divorcing friend, argued violently with her ex about who would keep the trifle. She got custardy.

submitted 72 days ago • 0 comments

Me: Don't say it. Don't you fucking dare say it... Mandalorian satnav:

submitted 72 days ago • 1 comment

He's making a list He's checking it twice He's ruing rejecting the advice of his Excel wizard Elf who spent Q1 banging on about the importance of data structures and now the address fields are misaligned with data in the wrong columns and there's insufficient time to clean it up at scale.

submitted 74 days ago • 2 comments

The pitch... A washed up boxer battles his ice cream addiction to return to the ring one more time. It's titled... "Rocky Road".

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments

One day I'll say the correct amount of lamamans when saying M. Night Shyamalanananalaman

submitted 77 days ago • 1 comment

It'd be horrible to be a world class assassin. All those trips to the airport

submitted 76 days ago • 3 comments

Why are pandas considered so lazy? They only do the bear minimum... 🐼😬😉

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments

Tower: Where are you, pilot? Pilot: I'm just coming over Austin. Tower: We respect your ill-advised sexual multitasking , but where are you?

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

Tower: Where are you, pilot? Pilot: I'm over Cologne. Tower: Your pungent odour has not gone unnoticed, but where are you?

submitted 83 days ago • 0 comments

Oh, you don’t like Jews and believe they’re waging a war on Christmas? Then enjoy listening to all 3 Christmas songs that weren’t written by Jews.

submitted 85 days ago • 18 comments

I'm not ready for this week.

submitted 87 days ago • 10 comments