successphelan.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

One of the biggest issues in my life rn is that: if you order rice and beans at my local Mexican restaurant, you get way too many beans and not enough rice. So you gotta order 2 rice, 1 beans. It’s tough to be me.

submitted 18 hours ago • 0 comments

Dude on the bus is listening to some kind of Alpha Male Success Manifestation videos out loud. Tip #1 to manifest a more successful life: stop listening to shit out loud on the CTA

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Thinking about the several times in my #teaching experience when I reached out like, “Can I get some HELP? Please?” and got no help and then later I had meetings or just snide remarks about “Why are your classes struggling with [thing]??” Just really sucked, you know?

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

I think I agree with the sexist advice to always take a woman swimming on a first date. You gotta see what type of mermaids game she’s playing— searching for treasure? Secret twin from another ocean? Scene-for-scene remake of the Little Mermaid? (Lame). No way better way to know a woman tbh.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Wild that you can eat sausage for breakfast or as a part of lunch or dinner, but eating a hot dog for breakfast is psychopath behavior

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

I really do like my new church but the priest’s voice sounds exactly like Lin-Manuel Miranda and today he said the words “our nation,” and also “hurricane,” and how I am I supposed to focus on God when I have to sing the rest of the musical in my head

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

55° and sunny, me walking outside in a tank top and sweatpants and my Ecuadorian neighbor with hat, gloves, and an actual parka. #chicagoweather

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

It makes perfect sense that my daughter’s apparent favorite color is orange, bc I dislike orange and have waged an aggressive, unnecessary campaign against it for years. So naturally God was like, “Oh my me, someone’s gotta shut this girl up about hating orange.”

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

My daughter and I made a healthy, diverse-grain, high-protein dinner! She helped with a lot of cooking! It tasted like absolute ass and it took too long to cook and cool, so now she’s in a bad mood! Whooh!

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

I turned my back for a minute in the kitchen and now I urgently need to figure out whether my toddler ate an ENTIRE orange in record time, or whether she found a new hiding/ smashing place for an entire orange. HELP.

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

I was 2 letters away, with a good amount of time left in the game, from weaving into 3 other words to get “WAYFINDING” in Scrabble just now. And my stupid husband had to use my designated area for a 6-point word. Booo.

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

I was not prepared for the new Great Depression to include the literal dust bowl again. I figured that would be a whole ‘nother climate disaster? But here we are!

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

IS THE NEW POPE A CUBS FAN OR A SOX FAN?? I am hearing conflicting answers from conflicting sources, I need on the ground intel NOW, what are the world’s journalists doing other than asking this man for a direct answer nothing else matters

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

The fun part of your husband doing rush hour shift work is that he’s off in the middle of the day, which means he comes home and sometimes naps, which means that today, I got to text this in all sincerity #newpope

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

I had to drive downtown (boo) with my baby (BOOOO) so I was like okay, let’s make a day of it and see if a friend wants to do a museum. Found a friend. Found a museum. Baby had a rough night, slept in, so I told friend we’d be late. Finally get ready. Get baby in the car seat. Garage door is broken.

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Just watched my new neighbors put an un-broken down cardboard box directly into the trash can (the recycling bin isn’t full) and with everything going on, idk, this might be it, this might be what breaks me above all else idk.

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Vance saw Ted Cruz’s Texas sports curse and was like “I can beat that”

submitted 46 days ago • 4 comments

Humbly presenting to the internet: my kid’s #EasterBasket. She’s 20 months old. She doesn’t expect presents. We have a good amount of toys right now. She loves playing peek-a-boo. She’s gonna have a grand ol’ time unwrapping stuff we already own.

submitted 47 days ago • 0 comments

I would like to formally thank whoever coined and also whoever popularized the response, “Skill issue,” to someone complaining. It’s the BEST way to respond to minor whining of middle schoolers.

submitted 55 days ago • 0 comments

Tax company store near me has a guy in a hamster costume out dancing (to Pitbull!) in front of the store, and I cannot emphasize enough how little I want to pay a tax company my family’s hard-earned money to employ a dude in a hamster costume dancing on the sidewalk. Literally negative advertising.

submitted 56 days ago • 0 comments

Love 2 eat string cheese while pushing my daughter in her stroller (so she can’t see the cheese and demand some).

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

In my old age (29), I have really gotten more and more annoying about the necessity of children playing outside in the cold. Builds character. Strengthens the lungs. Kills germs. Reduces being annoying indoors by 10, maybe 11%.

submitted 60 days ago • 0 comments

Excited to turn 30 this year because frankly, 26-29 are super boring numbers and it’s been super busy years of my life. So I frankly don’t remember how I old I am most of the time. 30 is a good round number and “big deal,” so I’m excited to remember my age again.

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

I am very lucky to have several friends who are chemists or studied chemistry intensely, which is great, because I can always text them my breaking household chemistry questions (90% of which are, “Why does this thing smell the way it does?”)

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

I know that there’s a lot going on right now but I firmly believe our society needs more bowling alleys, arcades, and game cafes.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

I feel like when I was a kid, there were an inordinate number of sitcom episodes about the danger of pool hall hustling. Like, it was on par with drunk driving and eating disorder Very Special Episodes. Was it that big of a thing??

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Anyway, my daughter rubbed her eyes at the park today, then started walking home, walked home, gently touched our gate and our door to ask me to unlock them, got inside, took off her shoes, washed her hands (with help), then climbed into bed. About 10 new and helpful skills. She’s great.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

People are too intense about standing in line at the airport and getting on the plane ASAP. So you might have to gate check your bag. You’re not gonna die. Calm down.

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

THE CHICAGO BULLS??? #severance

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

My baby is asleep and I swear, if she wakes up and interrupts the Severance finale, I will… immediately go to comfort her and take as long as she needs, but I’ll be a little bit grumpy toward her, even tho she is perfect and snuggly and she is not trying to annoy me.

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

The #Severance finale isn’t out yet but I can assure you I am pre-annoyed at anyone saying things like -the twist got predicted online; the twist was bad -a character made an irrational choice in a horrible situation; the writing is bad -not funny enough; show is bad -too much humor; show is bad

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

Just opened the compost to put our breakfast scraps— an egg shell, a banana peel, and coffee grounds. And I was like ah good, just the classics this morning. #compost

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments

Bad news: I tried to use Siri to text my husband about if he knew were a bag of spices (dill) was, and it texted my husband AND neighbor group chat Good news: my neighbors had dill! She brought it right up 🥺💚

submitted 83 days ago • 0 comments

Yesterday dressed my baby in sweatpants & a matching vest. I thought, “She looks like an old Asian person doing tai chi.” Then I thought, “Hey! That’s racist! Don’t think that!” Later, we ran into an elderly Korean neighbor. He laughed at her outfit & said she was “ready for exercise in park.” So, 🤷🏻‍♀️

submitted 84 days ago • 0 comments

Sometimes I check the weather & it’s like, “Hey, it’s 32° right now. Then 34°, 35°, 41°, 42° and windy by the afternoon.” So I’m like great, okay, let’s plan for that. But two hours after you first check, it feels like 50°? And you check again & it’s like “YOU FOOL. It’s 50°. 90° by 4:00PM. IDIOT.”

submitted 84 days ago • 1 comment

Worst part about substitute teaching during ✨all this✨ is that I’ve always said, “You need to learn! Your future matters!” And NOW I am in social studies classes like, “Please, I BEG you, bad people profit off of your ignorance, they want you uninformed, fight the man, PLEASE,” and I seem so crazy

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

One thing you will never catch me doing is carrying a coat around on a suddenly-warm spring afternoon. If it’s 35° in the morning but it’s gonna hit 65°? I’m dressing like it’s 65° the whole day. It’s worth it.

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

My #Severance commentary of the week: the blue-tint cinematography combined with this week’s Pacific Northwest seaside town is just giving me Twilight vibes. Fully expecting Billy Black to roll out of another pickup.

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

guy in the 1920s putting a "i bought this before he went crazy" sticker on his Model T

submitted 93 days ago • 83 comments

Just saw a tweet about environmentally sustainable artificial intelligence described as “green AI,” and also everyone is talking about Al Greene (D-TX) (full name Alexander) and I am gonna need some goddamn serifs on these fonts or I am gonna lose my goddamn mind.

submitted 93 days ago • 0 comments