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tcpleaseignore.bsky.social
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87 posts 17 followers 71 following
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Posts 18 Comments 32

Try not to sprain an eyebrow hitting on your spouse today.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Is it titmice, titmouses, or titsmouse?

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

How much money would you pay to guarantee you'd be killed by an Asteroid?

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Fritolaysia Cuts Off Chiplomatic Relations With Snakistan theonion.com/fritola...

submitted 20 days ago • 62 comments

You ever fail at wishboning those last two bananas and have a surprise double-banana day?

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

Give it to me straight, boss. What percentage of the microplastics in our bodies are from those disposable pepper grinders?

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

It's bittersweet to be alive in a time that I get to teach my autocorrect about the word microplastics

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

Toothpaste is what forms in your mouth if you grind your teeth at night. The stuff you use to brush your teeth is actually called toothsoap.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

If you're not willing to completely explain/ruin the joke in the alt text, you're a coward.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Good thing intersex people don't exist or the president would look like the dumbest person on the planet right now.

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

Now that the government is enforcing the gender binary, I assume it will be a federal crime to say "You're not a REAL man/woman if you do/don't X, Y, or Z."

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

Not only can you get an eyelash in your eye, but you can also get whiplash in your whip.

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

Truck Nuts are gender-affirming care and should be covered by insurance if prescribed by a doctor.

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

Me, a split second before remembering vacuums exist: "I wish there was something like canned air but in reverse"

submitted 46 days ago • 0 comments

Why have a scab when you could have an open wound?

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

You are what you eat. I call that nomnominative determinism.

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

Sometimes I start to think maybe we should abolish the death penalty, then I see someone throw trash out of their window at a red light.

submitted 55 days ago • 0 comments

Me: "c'mere." Her: <leans in close so I can whisper in her ear> Me, whispering: "I wanna dorp my chorken in your sporcial sorce."

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments