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therealmelissa.bsky.social
jaded gen x-er, mom, hip-hop connoisseur 🎧 PNW 🌦️eyebrows are not my own ♾️
1,108 posts 484 followers 679 following
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Posts 28 Comments 21

if you see this, post your getaway vehicle

submitted 10 hours ago • 0 comments

submitted 18 hours ago • 2 comments

banger day ☀️🌳🌊

submitted 12 hours ago • 0 comments

I just read lord of the flies for the first time, and I hated it, but also getting stranded on a remote island and never having to deal with *all of this* actually sounds quite enticing rn

submitted 18 hours ago • 0 comments

so the police department won’t come to my house when my car is broken into, but they have the time to ticket me for being in 2-hour parking for 2.5 hours while my son is having unexpected dental work done…cool

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

All females of no longer breeding age will be out to pasture while quantities last. The rest will be culled.

submitted 2 days ago • 16 comments

this dude came into the gym, set up a whole ass 5 foot tripod, and proceeded to carry on a facetime call with no headphones or mic two machines away from me I should be allowed to throw a dumbbell at his face

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

“Do you follow Jesus this closely?” If he drove 5 miles under the speed limit, the answer is yes, Carol

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

I always read “Canada” as “Canadia” in my head

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

I don’t like this. *waves arms expansively at my life Any of this.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN HERE - dads

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

can i be a kind and caring person and also have abs... let's not find out

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Petition to stop putting cantaloupe in every fruit cup everywhere

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

was going to the bank drove right past the bank I wonder where my brain was taking me

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

welcome to another edition of Woah How Long Have I Been Staring at my Phone

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

I wish cass elliot had risen from the dead after three days instead and that's that

submitted 13 days ago • 2 comments

Thinking of replacing my doorbell with a landmine

submitted 15 days ago • 2 comments

I hope when I die my kids go back through our text messages and make a slide show of the all the wild shit I say to show at my funeral

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

my 20yo just used “statute of limitations” instead of “process of elimination” in a conversation and I thought I was having a stroke for a minute

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

the zipper merge, to me, is the greatest, purest demonstration of a persons psyche

submitted 22 days ago • 1 comment

oh i am grabbing a suggestion card at *my* next neuro appointment

submitted 25 days ago • 1 comment

A Gift, from the church!

submitted 25 days ago • 2 comments

I just need everyone to know that this is the room my 17YO was put in at his neurology appointment today

submitted 25 days ago • 11 comments

i lived in 3 different trailer parks in my life and all 3 were safer than any white lotus

submitted 26 days ago • 2 comments

No cheating. The last saved celebrity pic is your therapist. ngl, this concert definitely FELT like therapy

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

the two genders

submitted 30 days ago • 47 comments

I just stepped on my own pants while attempting to get out of my car and almost ate shit in the walgreens parking lot this is not the first time I’ve done this (different parking lot)

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

did you see hillary clinton posts reskeeted onto your timeline? you may be entitled to financial compensation

submitted 32 days ago • 9 comments