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uffdada.bsky.social
Gen X and still feral. Professional Skeeter-UFoS certified. Guardian of cosmic ideas. My timeline is a mess just like your Mom. My skeets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ttftfqwkk7lim7bli4uqwmzg/feed/aaadnqkohsr5m
8,294 posts 4,695 followers 4,373 following
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Posts 37 Comments 12

remember when getting all dressed up to go out on a saturday night was so thrilling instead of it feeling like some sort of punishment

submitted 28 minutes ago • 4 comments

I’ll reskeet whatever the fuck I want.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Inside me are a dozen donuts.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Sorry my hockey post offended you. Just kidding. Go fuck yourself.

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

If you’re Canadian and not cheering for Edmonton, go fuck yourself.

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

Not now motherfucker, I’m busy.

submitted 11 minutes ago • 0 comments

inside you are two wolves inside me are two fingers

submitted 13 hours ago • 13 comments

You can tell a lot about a person’s mental health by the number of emojis and exclamation marks in their bio

submitted 11 hours ago • 5 comments

the attitude you get when asking your stuffed animals get served at the bar first is truly shocking

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Saying “the girls are fighting” is actually a very sexist phrase please only use it if your titties are mad at each other

submitted 10 hours ago • 7 comments

In my defense, Your Honor, I didn’t poison them. I just seasoned the food. Is that a crime?

submitted 9 hours ago • 1 comment

i know i’m lying to myself when i say i’ll fold the laundry as soon as it’s done; a week later & i’m still dressing straight from the dryer

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

Slept for ten hours straight last night so I’m basically a sleep Jedi now. Master level.

submitted 9 hours ago • 11 comments

Spending the day outside bloomscrolling.

submitted 9 hours ago • 10 comments

instead of flipping people off, i give them a dramatic thumbs down with a little pout. i need them to know i’m disappointed in them.

submitted 9 hours ago • 10 comments

Morning observation: these yoga pants make my ass look fantastic

submitted 10 hours ago • 9 comments

Get in losers, we’re getting donuts.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Son: so I need to come up with a sport where I combine two sports into one for class Me: ok.. Son: so I’ve combined soccer and football. I’m going to call it fuccer Me: I need you to promise to let me know how that turns out for you

submitted 22 hours ago • 1 comment

My granddaughter told me today that in order for her to start being more healthy she’s going to start eating better; which includes not picking her nose and eating her boogers anymore. 🥴🤣🤣

submitted 22 hours ago • 3 comments

This whole feud thing is weak sauce, I’ve seen juicier rivalry between toddlers.

submitted 22 hours ago • 3 comments

Do you like grapes? Yes, yes I do, especially in bottled form.

submitted 22 hours ago • 2 comments

now that I have 25k followers I just want to say skabadabadabadoobelidabbelydabbladabbladabblababbelibabbelibabbelibabbelabbelodoobelidoo I'm the scatman

submitted 22 hours ago • 26 comments

Let's runaway together but live in separate towns.

submitted 22 hours ago • 4 comments

It’s just me and a bag of clothes in my car to donate for 12 months against the world.

submitted 23 hours ago • 2 comments

Some days I choose violence and some days I choose ibuprofen.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I love the smell of coffee and ibuprofen first thing in the morning.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

This bottle of wine tastes like I’ll be ignoring you.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

15:*shrieks Me: what? 15: omg it’s a spider, omg M: just kill it 15: what? No, I can’t kill it M: you sound like a woman 15: shut up, you’re a woman M: you sound like your mom rn 15: *screaming from his bedroom M: Jesus Christ, what now? 15: I left my mic on, all of my friends just heard all of that

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

T-shirt cannon but firing espresso shots at the morning tube station zombie horde

submitted 102 days ago • 1 comment

time flies when you decide to say fuck this broken watch

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

this is why waking up early works for me and my family (I am my family)

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

First date idea: We ignore each other.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

All this shit going on the next, you’re gonna tell me that Rodger’s actually signed with the Steelers.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Edison’s notes were full of typos because he hated AC so much and refused to use it.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Everything is terrible but at least I get to have sex sometimes

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Just a reminder that today is the day you promised yourself you'd stop ending your emails with "lol".

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Some of that Poo Pourri shit smells worse than shit.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment