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umbrellapants.xyz
System BIOS Updater. Spirit Animal: Condescending Chinchilla
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@iwriteok.bsky.social @socialistdogmom.bsky.social "Socrates of Venus" could either be a great metal and/or new agr band name.

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

I need to learn how to play the flame throwing guitar because we're just a couple years away from Immorten Trump #furyroad

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

I'm sure all the people who are soon to be targets, appreciate her fashion sense.

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

Should I feel used of all these pornbots follow me but never DM me?

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

I'm just going to bluesky this...

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

People nowadays are realizing work isn't as important as self health and family. But no one talks about the role the great movie, Carpool, plays in those peoples formative years.

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

Seems fitting.

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

I say rightly so.

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

The more shit that is happening in this world, the more I believe the simulation theory. We're weeks away from all getting in pools and having the ladders disappear.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

Rudolph Who? Rudolph

submitted 69 days ago • 0 comments

And next they will write legislation to make Baseball the national past time. You know, in case anyone was confused.

submitted 69 days ago • 0 comments

"You evolved musically", more like, "Remember when your kids just kept requesting KPop in the vehicle?"

submitted 80 days ago • 0 comments

finally finished downloading my limewire wrapped after 20 years

submitted 81 days ago • 374 comments

Not since the Utah Jazz, has there been a team more of an oxymoron than the Las Vegas Athletics

submitted 80 days ago • 0 comments

When you spent billions and destroyed your brand to recreate 1930's Germany and got 1780's France instead.

submitted 80 days ago • 1977 comments

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

Excuse me officer, is it true that all cops are bastards?

submitted 86 days ago • 1 comment

you think the black market does black friday? like they open the doors and people are getting trampled trying to buy ivory and uranium at prices that will knock your socks off

submitted 86 days ago • 3 comments

submitted 86 days ago • 1 comment

I like Black Friday's older stuff before they went mainstream.

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

Waiting on my Black Friday email from Planned Parenthood

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

The collective noun for a group of clowns is an ‘ohfuckingfuck’.

submitted 86 days ago • 9 comments

The expression of disdain on my wife’s face when I tell her about my Bluesky jokes is absolutely priceless.

submitted 86 days ago • 2 comments

playing the thong song for the aliens from close encounters of the third kind

submitted 88 days ago • 12 comments

Sitting here listening to my daughter and nephew give their insights on the latest Wizards of Baking.

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

Liquor helps coping with the fact that my whole family consists of "that one uncle"

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

some of my family members are taking home rightovers because leftovers are woke

submitted 87 days ago • 8 comments

i don't know i just don't think this internet thing is really going to catch on

submitted 87 days ago • 2 comments

I can't wait for tomorrow that's when The War on Christmas officially starts

submitted 87 days ago • 13 comments

"LOL! I'm not actually thankful for anything!" - Me at 12:01 a.m. on the day after Thanksgiving

submitted 86 days ago • 1 comment

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

Turkey smoothies for breakfast!

submitted 86 days ago • 5 comments

*puts turkey back into the attic*

submitted 86 days ago • 11 comments

once spent 30 minutes methodically explaining to my parents that movies are not supposed to look like *that*.

submitted 89 days ago • 96 comments

You had me at Oxford comma.

submitted 103 days ago • 0 comments