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I came here to skeet and chew bubble gum, but I forgot to bring enough bubble gum for everyone. yellowmustard | mltshp
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I got pushed onto the new Outlook because of a Windows glitch. I tried. I tried for weeks. It is just an awful piece of technology. Microsoft should retain the people in charge of this to work in another field more in line with their talents, like landscape design, or welding.

Three decades of internet companies and the only social media that really matters anymore is the group chat.

"Getting confused by their tv settings is what they do as a hobby." - said about older people by my daughter as I tried to update the appletv+ app

"the only thing he didn't beat was the allegations"

Nobody you know is as young as they were in your memories.

Apple has made trying to recover my old AppleID so hard I gave up and tried creating a new one. It failed. Even tried a new email and different phone number. I guess I will just continue to encourage people to use their knowledge of how easy it is to pirate Apple TV instead of paying for it.

I remember when Google was almost always better at everything they did than everyone else. A decade+ ago I joined the waiting list for #GoogleFiber. Today I formally cancelled this week's long-awaited installation appointment entirely due to Google's unsupportable political stances.

Get in loser, we're tanking the economy

"Damn shame what they did to that dog." - the landlord in "Coming to America"

Remember back in the days when using the "Let me Google that for you" website would give people the right answer?

A well-run American chain family restaurant is the pinnacle of mediocrity. Nothing is more whelming than when Applebee’s gets the order right and you didn’t have to wait for a clean table and your service is fine. It is perfectly adequate.

Go ahead, send that to the group chat so they can be disappointed, too.

I was going to have Google fiber installed, but I cancelled the appointment because Google cancelled Black History Month.

I love good storage solutions. Fancy closets, padded equipment cases, well-designed retail packaging are all very satisfying. Putting stuff inside of other stuff is among humanity's greatest inventions. How could we have ever created civilization without baskets, pots, and boxes to keep it in?

If you soak rice overnight in chicken stock, is it cold-brew risotto?

I did not vote for Elon Musk. Please dump his stock. Let's all so our part to Make Elon A Millionaire. #meam

Do you think that we use the asterisk and other star shapes to draw attention to things because it takes advantage of some sort of evolved ability to quickly recognize and react to spiders? *⭐🌟✴️✳️🕷️

Rick and Morty has been washed for a while, but a line that runs back into my head often is “your boos mean nothing to me, I’ve seen what makes you cheer!”

Three times in a row. Well done KC Chiefs.

i’m just photoshopping muppets onto the cover of harper’s bazaar: thread

#Swasticar was the word I needed today. Yes. Dump the company, trash the name, tank the stock. Make Elon a millionaire.

Can't wait for Trumpenomics to pour gasoline on this. /s

Never trust someone who splits a minority group into Right Ones and Wrong Ones as a way of explaining why some don't deserve support, respect, or protection. Good Blacks vs Bad Blacks. Immigrants who got here the Right Way vs the Wrong Way. Moralizing identities is a lampshade for further bigotry.

Why is leftover rice so frequently the reason I need to sweep the kitchen floor?

trumpflation already kicking in

Tiktok is just taking a few days to make the place safe for Nazis and racists. It will be back worse than ever.

Reading Trump-conspirator Chuck being dragged in the comments here has made my day brighter.

I don’t know who did this, but thank you 🤣

“it’s just a quick trip to Trader Joe’s. surely I won’t need the diaper bag.” see that’s where you’re wrong. the baby would love to shit all over herself at the Trader Joe’s. she’d be honored