valetparker.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

@jakevig.bsky.social wanna join my book club?

submitted 5 hours ago • 5 comments

Finally binging White Lotus, whilst lounging in a vintage Budweiser shirt. It may be my new favorite shirt. Why are vintage t-shirts so fucking soft and thin?

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

May is already turning into a sold-out show, and my dance card’s filling fast. If Vegas is on your itinerary and a date with me is on your mind, don’t wait—secure your spot before the curtain closes. Booking forms, darlings… you know what to do.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

Messy hair, don’t care.

submitted 2 days ago • 9 comments

The only unsolicited duck pic I can accept in my DMs...

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

Enjoy the cringe

submitted 3 days ago • 4 comments

Just made the IG today so yes, it’s giving newborn—but follow @thesnarkyseductress for funny memes, unhinged tweets, hilarious videos, and satire so sharp it could file a restraining order. #SnarkySeductress #FreshButFerocious #FollowBeforeItGets www.instagram.com/thesnarkysed...

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

This really happened

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

@jakevig.bsky.social just came here to brighten your timeline with a dancing cat. Enjoy.

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

Coming soon to The Snarky Seductress… A whole damn section devoted to anonymous client horror stories—aka the crème de la cringe. Get ready for tales so awkward, unhinged, and secondhand embarrassing you’ll need a hazmat suit just to read them. Because some of y’all really said,

submitted 3 days ago • 4 comments

@bookblaze.net spends her evenings filling these forms out because she remains unhooked and weirdly obsessed with me and my vagina. A few months ago she filled out a form saying I was so loose down there after 3 kids….funny that’s actually inaccurate and I’ve only had c-sections.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Seriously, the desperation is so loud I’m getting secondhand embarrassment. If projection burned calories, she’d be down three dress sizes by now.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Oh wow, looks like business is booming for Rose Blaze—so booming, in fact, she had time to fill out multiple service forms pretending to be me. Weight loss, therapy, tattoo removal? Babe, are you trying to steal my identity or just fix your own reflection?

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Everyone else is losing their minds over Moo Deng the baby hippo, but Mona Lisa here is three existential crises deep and just pretending she isn’t mildly impressed.

submitted 8 days ago • 7 comments

In their 70’s and killing it youtu.be/SLIZpWrK8xo

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Yup

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment

I hope you all read it.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Just your daily PSA that Rose Blaze has a PhD in Olympic-level lying. If she insists on using my name to stay relevant, I’ll be forced to release the unabridged anthology of her greatest hits (aka: lies). It’s honestly adorable how she thinks every call-out is me, when in reality she’s

submitted 10 days ago • 3 comments

OKAY Y’ALL I DID IT. 3 new entries just dropped on The Snarky Seductress. We’ve got….. Radioactive dickwear Birth control via eugenics Rich men paying to graft monkey balls on their own It’s educational. It’s horrifying. It’s comedy. Click if you dare. thesnarkyseductress.com?blog=y

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

In the 1920s, men were paying top dollar to have monkey testicles sewn onto their own. Because nothing says “eternal youth” like surgical zoo cosplay. This is not satire. But it is bananas: thesnarkyseductress.com/f/monkey-nut...

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

Men in the 1920s: “My sex life is mid.” Also men in the 1920s: What if I strapped uranium to my nuts? Yes, radioactive condoms were real. So were radium jockstraps and butthole suppositories. Enjoy the glowing nightmare: thesnarkyseductress.com/f/the-glowin...

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

What do you get when you mix white feminism, medical hubris, and a side of eugenics? The early birth control pill trials. Tested on poor women without consent, then marketed as liberation. You should probably read this: thesnarkyseductress.com/f/the-pill-b...

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

The best part of waking up isn’t coffee—it’s the five minutes before you remember all your responsibilities.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

If you need to “find yourself,” you probably just need therapy.

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

The reason people say “it’s just a joke” after saying something offensive is because they don’t like the consequences, not because they didn’t mean it.

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

People don’t actually fear failure. They fear looking stupid in front of others.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Hating things is just as much of a personality trait as loving them.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

If an AI can replace your job overnight, your employer never valued you to begin with.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

The concept of a “dream job” was created by people who didn’t want to pay you more.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

The phrase “strong work ethic” is just code for “this person tolerates being exploited.”

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Your fave’s “philanthropy” is just a tax write-off.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Defending millionaires like they’re your family is unhinged.

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

If they consented to sex based on false information, they didn’t really consent to you—they consented to the fictional character you invented.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

“I’m in real estate!” Girl, your real estate is a five-star hotel, and your commission comes in envelopes.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

At this rate, by 2030, jokes will be illegal and sarcasm will be a war crime.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Equality means everyone gets called out for bullshit—including you.

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

She calls herself a “luxury influencer” but her feed screams “high-end escort with an NDA.”

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Imagine burning down your own house and then asking for a fire department you just defunded.

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

White women will write an entire think piece about racism but still call the cops the second a Black teenager plays music too loud.

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments

“Men are just wired to cheat!” Yeah, well, women are wired to notice missing money and suspicious behavior, so good luck with that.

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments