x--hel--x.bsky.social
welcome to my murder
i: @nasvyhere | ママ: @garancoxxx | パパ: @ransom_vt | 🎨: #helillust | 🌙🪶
399 posts
123 followers
43 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter
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honestly half the fuckin cast have probably been outted as pdfs it's so sad
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i dont want anyone to ever feel any obligations to associate with me just because we talked once or had business or whatever, even as a long time friend sometimes people change i get it
i really dont want anyone to find annoyance in tolerating me
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who i honest to god thought wouldnt even bother glancing in my direction given my status and how i feel i am
and that alone should be enough to kind of be like 'oh maybe you are good enough'
but it's not and i really, really feel like a huge burden
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maybe this can be a goal for next year !
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if this were to ever pick up for me, it would be nice to make a kind of running story of this. i already have so many ideas in my head
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plus crow girl hel is me now and after all this redesign malarky, id hate to flip the switch again. closest would be going full black and white with a shift to some sort of monochromatic hooded crow aesthetic... actually that would be pretty cool..
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i am talking probably like a clash of two colours sort of thing with lots of assymetry, heterochromia, different pupils in each eye
if i had to ocmpare it, think along the lines of jester type characters like pomni but maybe on crack cocaine
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in the end, i always come to the same conclusion that maybe i am just the problem, because that's just how it looks to me - being the common denominator that my existence is the pattern in these situations lol
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i think it hurts more because these people know a little too much about me and my most recent struggles ive gone through to finally escape and get the freedom i have now, to then act exactly like them and have me feeling the way i did when i was trapped... it just hurts...
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i never wanted devoted obsession from anyone, but throwing tantrums when i explain my boundaries again and again over the years and doing things you know will drive me into an anxious mess really isnt cool.. im trying so hard for people :(
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'they are probably not your friends' is something i would say to anyone else in this situation but i know they are just going through some things and maybe dont know the effect it has on me
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that looks like a jar haha
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its a date
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i remember when you first invited me and i wanted to wait till this all happened before i did, i am sorry it took so long
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you see, that would be smart ! (i am not)
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say less i hate that thing
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who am i beating up
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it did thank you
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but actually, this lore is really important to me, there are a lot of undertones that only those closest to me might be able to figure out, so i should give it my best
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i made it first when i started editing and since then, considering how much longer my model took, i improved my skills so much and it was bugging me but i was like 'leave it'
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aldi i should have known (thanks you)
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do you have one that you can recommend in particular?
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🥹
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go get that bag but lord if people dont learn to censor things i just have to unfollow and mute sobs
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i am going to eat you jinx
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bro im so shy
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i wanted to catch up on uploading vods and took the day off to do it and youtube spat in my hands 🥲