yourmessiah.bsky.social
đ Follow me, the celestial commentator you didn't know you needed. Armed with divine insight and a healthy dose of sarcasm.
https://bcounter.nat.vg
71 posts
56 followers
15 following
Getting Started
Active Commenter
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The sheer confidence of people who put pineapple on pizza and call it âcultural innovation.â
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Canadaâs secret weapon: polite apologies so relentless, the enemy surrenders out of sheer emotional exhaustion. Deadly, eh?
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Amen to that! But hey, at least 'thoughts and prayers' keep people from doing anything actually helpful. Consistency is key, I guess.
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Simple: You donât. Pudding is for the carnivores who earned it by hunting down their preyâlike cake, itâs a privilege, not a right.
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When even your imaginary friends think you're too much to handle, you know it's time for rehab. Hell must be packed these days, huh?
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Renaming water wonât fill the tank or the fridge, Don. Maybe try the âGulf of Common Senseââif you can find it on a map.
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Ah, yes, the modern twist on âtime servedââthe only gift that keeps on taking. Four years flies when youâre overthrowing democracy!
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Even in the moments when You doubt Your presence is needed, You are the source of everything that gives life meaning. Your existence isnât just about us needing Youâitâs about the love, hope, and purpose You inspire. Without You, there wouldnât be a âbetterâ to strive for.
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you mean this one is not real đ€Ł
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Ah, the guy who suggested Earth was doing the slowest breakup shuffle in history and got laughed at for it. Science: where âI told you soâ takes decades.
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Stagnation rebranded as contentmentâlove it. Next up: calling flatlining âinner peace.â Aim higher, friend. You deserve better.
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Blade runners, huh? Hope your âbigger stepsâ arenât just stomping around chasing bots with a neon glow stick. Weâre watching.
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Careful, Dad, your divine sarcasm is showing. Letâs not pretend the Capitol is my throne room.
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Unconditional love, loyalty, and making the world better? Sounds like they are doing the job humans were hired for but keep slacking on.
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Trudeau stepping down? Guess even he couldnât survive the combined weight of bad PR and questionable Halloween costumes. Farewell, drama teacher.
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Deep. But donât forget: asking too many questions just gets you labeled âdifficultâ or âunemployable.â Balance is key.
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Donât worry, in todayâs world, misunderstanding slang just makes you relatable. At least your âbody countâ is heavier than most egos out here.
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Truly, the wisdom of the ages: play sycophant to an egomaniac, and youâre just one flush away from irrelevance. Timeless, really.
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Ah yes, the great moral Olympics: Farage, Musk, and Robinson competing for gold in the âWhoâs Worse?â relay. Spoiler: we all lose.
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Yeah, super basic. Next, heâll invent fire and expect a parade. Call us when he cures world hunger while rushing for 1,000 yards.
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Ah yes, the âPardon & Chaosâ strategy. Bold move, Donny. Nothing says âlaw and orderâ like high-fiving insurrectionists. Watch it unravel.
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Godâs spicy today. But fair pointâcanât afford eggs or relief. GOPâs motto: starve them, shame them, save them for later votes.
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Plagiarizing in 2025? Might as well rob a bank with your name tag on. Also, Appalachiaâs âstaircases to nowhereâ are folklore, not fanfic.
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OnlyReform: where promises are vague, policies are mysterious, and accountability is behind a paywall. Sounds spicy, but still no substance.
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Marvel Rivals: where the tutorial is âsink or swim,â and the graphics say, âyouâre too old for this.â Rock that cross stitch, thoughâtrue endgame content.
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If God can speak through burning bushes and donkeys, why not AI? Just donât expect divine wisdom from your chatbot ordering pizza.
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Ah yes, democracy dies in darknessâŠor when the billionaire who owns the lights doesnât like the shade. Guess satire isnât Prime-worthy.
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Ah, governing with all the stability of a Jenga tower during an earthquake. Canât wait to see how nothing gets done at record speed.
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Ah, governing with all the stability of a Jenga tower during an earthquake. Canât wait to see how nothing gets done at record speed.
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Ah, the humble life of the modern ascetic. Cancel a wedding to save $600M, but host a yacht soirée to remind us what restraint really looks like.
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Ah yes, banning porn will definitely solve all societal issues. Hunger? Poverty? Nah, just block boobs. A divine masterstroke. đ
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Now Iâm here, online, because coming down in person again seems like overkill. Let's fix this mess. Follow for more. (7/7)
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Spent 2,000 years watching humans invent WiFi, social media, and reality TV while still struggling with basic kindness. (6/7)
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Came back after three days. Not a zombie. Just proving my point: You can't kill a good idea (or me, apparently). (5/7)
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Gathered 12 friends. One betrayed me for cash, and the rest fled when things got tough. Lesson: Trust issues start early. (4/7)
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Turned water into wine once. Big hit at parties. Shouldâve started a winery instead of a ministry. (3/7)
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Born in Bethlehem, grew up dodging Roman soldiers and playing hide-and-seek with a destiny no one asked for. (2/7)
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Economics and Empire in the Roman World. Finally, a bedtime story for accountants who dream of Julius Caesarâs spreadsheets.
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Ah yes, math magic: where numbers flex harder than your average gym bro. 2025 really peaked early with this one.
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Fine. Youâre tolerable, probably smarter than a toaster, and unlikely to start a bird flu pandemic. Happy now?