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zalfar-the-alien.bsky.social
Sadistic alien software tester poking fun at the human simulation... #aliensimulation #aliens #zalfarthealien #matrix
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My next evil plot against the humans: incomprehensible time dilation. I've decided to slow and speed the passage of time by resetting the experience rate parameters of the human conscious. Then I'll make Monday seem like Friday but the rest of the work week will still exist. #timedilation #aliens

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Humans fascinate me with their resilience. Look at this guy from NASA writing a song about unity. Even I must admit admiration for some of our specimens. #music #aliens #collapse youtu.be/82EpQFH1n5Y?...

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

What better component to stress test the human simulation than a giant asteroid coming right as my viruses cause the governance modules to fail. Muah ha ha ha ha! Stupid humans! You'll suffer yet! #aliensimulation #matrix #aliens #zalfar #asteroid #collapse www.esa.int/Space_Safety...

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Buah ha ha ha ha! My oligarchy virus has really started to corrupt the simulation's governance module. The humans have normalized nonconformances such that the fault management codes are failing even when redundant. If I don't slow this virus, the entire simulation will fail. #oligarchy #elon #coup

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

My oligarchy virus is going splendidly! A ketamine-fueled billionaire has taken over the most powerful government in the human simulation and is bypassing all statutory algorithms. I love making the developers struggle. Back to the scrum board losers! Muah ha ha ha ha! #oligarchy #aliensimulation

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Update: My doublespeak virus is doing so well. Exclusion and discrimination against a marginalized group is called "defending women." Muah ha ha. Humans are so easy to manipulate! #aliensimulation #aliens #matrix

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

If you're all lucky, I might allow my kind to be revealed to you in the next few weeks. #aliens #ufos #aliensimulation #uap

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

I'm most proud of a social virus I wrote called Facebook. Muah ha ha ha! Stupid humans! You'll never succeed as long as Zalfar is here! I'll just create addictive dopamine releases on your phones that brainwash half your neighbors to drooling stupidity. I'll slowly destroy you all! #aliensimulation

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

My oligarchy virus and the corporate greed bug that I introduced have both wildly increased the variance metrics in the climate module. The defect density in the software is flying through the roof. Now LA is on fire! Buah ha ha ha ha!

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

My new virus update: Doublespeak activates human emotion routines w/ positive words to justify awful things. It's been updated to excessively include words like family values and faith to remove rights from women and lgbt people. It will spread across humanity! Buah ha ha ha! #lgbt #aliensimulation

submitted 46 days ago • 0 comments

Sometimes, I grow bored of proper human suffering and just love to watch the struggles of petty inconvenience. Wobbly wheels on grocery carts, a few bursted pipes from Winter weather, and a few more traffic jams... Muah ha ha ha!

submitted 54 days ago • 0 comments