The older I get, the more I wonder at those who capture the blunt, angry numbness of grief. Not just the sorrow; the emptiness, the rage. The tiring, tedious business of running on the spot. I wish Brian comfort, and only hope he knows how many people his words will reach, and help. - ThreadSky

seamas.bsky.social • 166 days ago

The older I get, the more I wonder at those who capture the blunt, angry numbness of grief. Not just the sorrow; the emptiness, the rage. The tiring, tedious business of running on the spot.

I wish Brian comfort, and only hope he knows how many people his words will reach, and help.

Reposted from eatyourflag

What a letter.

Comments

marnanightingale.bsky.social•164 days ago

Oh my GOD. Suddenly the heavy places in my heart, the ones I've gotten so used to they feel like difficult but loved old friends, are dragging me to my knees again.

ginerso.bsky.social•165 days ago

Sometimes the effort to keep yourself together amidst the holidays works, and sometimes it just feels like large pieces of yourself are missing and what’s left is guilt you didn’t enjoy it more before, and rage that it was taken away. Sometimes you just exist.

freedomtodoubt.bsky.social•165 days ago

I feel that loss Brian, at Christmas magnified like an over large everlasting flower. Pale and dry and not fitting with high season cheer.
Watching thrushes feed on red haws!
There is my comfort.

loopyk.bsky.social•166 days ago

I know exactly what he means. I remember that first Christmas without my mum. I was 15, mum had died the month before, and I was so lost, seeing people around me getting into the festive spirit while I just felt empty. 40 years on, I remember it like it was yesterday.

moogie.bsky.social•165 days ago

my life is more coloured (an incredibly inept & un-apt word for the colour it takes from it) by trauma, not so much by grief but I am full of the knowledge of the impact it will have. And I count my blessings & the birds in the sky & hope that the sky is never empty.

radiobeartime.com•166 days ago

It’s the hardest of emotions. It comes out of nowhere and falls upon us like a vastness that envelops us so we are lost once more.

I look now on our funeral culture as a valiant attempt to keep us from going mad.

May he find comfort.

May all who grieve find respite.

ellencarroll.bsky.social•165 days ago

What a letter. Writing it down does help and helps others.

traceythorn.bsky.social•166 days ago

That second paragraph there is a poem isn't it. Devastating.

seamas.bsky.social•166 days ago

"I feel quite lost. People are so good".

There's an ocean in those eight words.

jonnelledge.bsky.social•165 days ago

It's true though isn't it. I've never felt more bathed in love by the people around me than I have at the moment when I felt completely and utterly and irrevocably alone.

docrods.bsky.social•165 days ago

At this time of year I see a lot of people attending the Emergency Departments I work in who are in crisis .
It’s a terrible time of year for some - it can be so damn lonely for people who have lost or are lost .

martinkoenigsberg.bsky.social•165 days ago

Xmas is really hard for those that are alone. I married into it, got to love it- than it disappeared out of my life in the Divorce. I have to make a plan- give my self a reading or painting challenge. This year thankfully I have Football College Bowl Games. Will be flying on Xmas. Never easy...

martinkoenigsberg.bsky.social•165 days ago

The hardest are the Jewelry Ads. "Tell her it's forever" I find myself tossing a lot of f-bombs and TK salutes at TV screens.

jonnelledge.bsky.social•165 days ago

Yeah. I'm actually broadly okay these days, life goes on, but occasionally random things set me off and there's no pattern to it. Felt overwhelmed by sadness remembering the night we brought the puppy back to a family that no longer really exists.

markshanahan.bsky.social•165 days ago

My grief for the loss of my son is just so tiring. My mind is never empty and free. It returns to him whenever I'm not consciously thinking about something else. Often the thoughts are fleeting, lovely memories. Often too, they return to the heavy weight of his death. Grief is relentless.

lulumoonartx.bsky.social•165 days ago

This is so refreshing to see honesty about grief during this time of year.

hils56.bsky.social•165 days ago

Christmas is very bittersweet. The happiest and the saddest time of the year. Thinking of Brian and many others this time of the year.

griffincaldwell.bsky.social•165 days ago

He seems a lovely man to have a conversation with. Wishing him the comfort as you have.

anglianrose.bsky.social•165 days ago

What a sad letter, it's brought tears

malcolmwilson01.bsky.social•165 days ago

I came late to grief, luckily, but found myself forced to reflect on it when my mum died.

And my friend @joannawallace.bsky.social helped me through those first days, for which I’ll always be grateful.

https://chorleywoodsix.com/2019/07/28/on-grief/

bingohandjob.bsky.social•166 days ago

As with disability, the non-grieving need performative 'good grief' to make them feel better and comfort them that it's not THAT bad and sometimes, you know, we need the discomfort of unvarnished truth.

wkymary.bsky.social•165 days ago

Oh my dears, I know this grief. This is my first Christmas in 41 years without him. I wake up crying in the night. There is a hole in me. But I put up the tree he loved and decked the halls.

markfreed.bsky.social•165 days ago

❤️

bookscraiccake.bsky.social•165 days ago

Xmas 2021. He told me the house looked beautiful as always but I don’t think I’ll be here this time next year. I don’t think I’ll get another Xmas. You have to promise me you’ll keep doing this. Make it beautiful for you, for us. He lived 20 mths more. I tried. 24 hrs later everything down, put away

ihearthestia.bsky.social•166 days ago

My dad died at Christmas in 2021 and Brian is exactly right about how the grief just eats into the festival.

Sending love to everyone with a hole in their heart. ❤️

paoloalessandro.bsky.social•165 days ago

Our family have a habit of passing or ending up in hospital over Christmas. My grandad died boxing day as did a loved Uncle. And my father died on Christmas Eve in 2010. (I predicted it when he was diagnosed with cancer)
It killed Christmas for me for a very long time, It became a season of Grief.

johnhatcher.bsky.social•165 days ago

Christmas with grief is exhausting. When everything around you is telling you to be with your family. The adverts are loud, and happy by default. You want to be with others but can't. Worse is that often its not your fault.

I can't agree more with finding groups of people, family or otherwise

giardinierapgh.bsky.social•165 days ago

I totally understand that hollow feeling when everyone around you is feeling joyful and celebrating, and you feel in your soul that the most important part of the season is missing. But the feeling of loss makes me determined to witness and cherish what I do still have.

julialamberth.bsky.social•165 days ago

Lost both my brother & mother-in-law this year, within 10 days of each other, both suddenly. Sent this to my sister-in-law and father-in-law this afternoon. Both appreciated the words, so thanks for posting - it’s already had a positive impact in my own family.

pancakeone.bsky.social•165 days ago

Reading Rev Richard Cole's The Madness of Grief, dealing with the aftermath and Christmas. Devastating. Very much recommended.

viola-jane.bsky.social•164 days ago

Gosh... wow... As a bereaved mother, I struggle hard to articulate what this month feels like. This captures the complexity of the pain so beautifully. So much that my 6y/o just saw my expression & came to give me a hug 🥰 so powerful. Love & gentle wishes to Brian 💓

slated.bsky.social•166 days ago

As someone this applies to, it is simply perfect.

bolshevikbear.bsky.social•166 days ago

Poor Brian. I truly feel for him, and that raw, angry grief. It's contradictory in its emptiness and fire at the same time.

espritescalier.bsky.social•165 days ago

Xmas trees. Seeing the look in the eyes of a loved one as you take it down, both knowing that next year they won't be there to see you put it up.

organicbotanic.bsky.social•166 days ago

Thank you for this. I have much grief too, but try to live each day in my happy day-to-day activities. Actors apparently have to think of a sad event to help with natural crying. I can feel tears pricking in one second if I allow the lid off, even the tiniest bit, of my box of grief

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