A peculiarly modern horror is when Facebook tells you that it’s your dead friend’s birthday. And you see that a number of people are wishing them happy birthday because they clearly don’t know.
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They even have legacy profiles that are designed specifically to address that "problem." The real problem is that people have been lulled into such complacency that they do not bother to read, even when there is some important connection there.
Or it can be a way of surving friends living in many lands to remember the dead on the birthday. Posting a pictures of happy shared memories. I have one friend we remember this way
So my dead friend had a ‘privat’ faceb account, so all us know she is not here anymore. But once in a while a friend post a picture of fond memories with a sweet comment. And we think about the good tines with her. It’s not ‘creepy’ at all
I wished someone I had acted with briefly a happy birthday 2 years running and I was contacted in my DM’s by their sister to let me know they had died.
Very grateful they did.
I’ve stopped wishing people happy birthday now on fb unless I know them really, really well.
This is exactly why I don't do FB birthday messages. Those I know really really well get a card or a text. They don't need a public demonstration of my thoughtfulness (prompted by a computer) too!
This happened with my mom who died of covid in October 2020. I had to contact several people who wished her Happy Birthday on FB. She would have been 90 today 🎂🥺
I still have a physical address book. When someone moves, I cross them out and put their new address in a new space. When they die I cannot bring myself to cross them out.
One of the clearly nonsensical regrets I have about moving away from Twitter/X is that I was still following the accounts of people who have died, and that felt like a connection.
TBF there is a connection-only it's a one way connection. 😭
Similar to a connection we feel to a long dead author when reading their book? The writer speaks to me. But no point in me speaking back. They can't reply.
Social media platforms shd make it easier to "memorialize" an account. FB has that.
WTAF? Call themselves friends?
Unless they’re saying “happy heavenly birthday“.
I always use the notification of my late schoolfriend’s birthday, as the chance to reach out to her husband on a bittersweet day.
People have a pavlovian response to FB bday notifications. You see it also with inactive users - their page is full of years and years of birthday messages and nothing else. People sending greetings into a void. (I made my birthday private cos I was irritated by the almost automated good wishes.)
I made mine private because I made a deliberate error in it. I was not going to give Facebook my real birthday! What if they weren't careful with it? What if they got hacked?
Date of birth is often used as security information so I don't want everyone to know it!
I always leave a Happy Heavenly Birthday in the hope people will click through to the actual page. My worst experience was looking up an old fb friend, to see their page had been ‘Memorialised’ by their family. Proper gut punch, especially when reading other friends’ posts from when they passed.
A few years ago someone wished a mutual deceased friend happy birthday when he added to their obituary the year previously. I guess he'd forgotten he had died.
A serious reply, and not about your point. I haven't cancelled my late wife's Facebook page. As she crops up, I hope that people think of her and her effects on them, and the ripples of her existence continue to spread out.
My eldest son memorialised my late husband page within 2 days of his passing. A certain family member (neice) decided to make it all about her. Woke up to so many notifications. People from where my hubster came from tagging his page with the usual stuff. People I didn't even know 🙄 No one can tag
I agree but so many people "Friend" people who are not friends and have no particular connection with them but a large friend count is a thing ha ha isn`t it.
A FB only friend of mine had passed and 2-3 years later I started seeing posts from her like “inspirational faith” type shares so I had to conference with moots about it and we found out it was her Mom 🤦🏻♀️
Racing driver Justin Wilson set up a Scheduled "Happy New Year" tweet before his tragic accident in 2015. It was still tweeting it every year until recently.
Worse, they know but they forgot. Plus, the less horrific flip side - not wishing someone you knew at comp a happy birthday because you've mixed them up with someone who IS dead.
I don’t want their accounts taken down.
I love being able to read old conversations we’ve had and jokes we’ve shared.
It’s a real help and keeps them alive in my memory
You can memorialise a Facebook account. I did it when my daughter died and all the family including her children wanted to keep it because of all the memories and photos on there. It’s possible to view it and post on it but it removes the notifications like birthdays etc.
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I got sick of the same 💩
How strong do you have your tea?
How well cooked should steak be?
Etc .. .. 🥱
Also, its UI is effing awful.
That one small thing completely changes the context.
And if I remember him, he isn't gone
Very grateful they did.
I’ve stopped wishing people happy birthday now on fb unless I know them really, really well.
Entirely irrational choice here too, and I tell myself that one day I will read it, but...not yet.
Similar to a connection we feel to a long dead author when reading their book? The writer speaks to me. But no point in me speaking back. They can't reply.
Social media platforms shd make it easier to "memorialize" an account. FB has that.
Unless they’re saying “happy heavenly birthday“.
I always use the notification of my late schoolfriend’s birthday, as the chance to reach out to her husband on a bittersweet day.
At least for me.
Date of birth is often used as security information so I don't want everyone to know it!
I wished an aunt a happy birthday and a stranger told me she’d died.
Sadly neither of her children did. And they seem to have blocked most of us.
It’s odd not to be able to send them condolences. Or memories.
I love being able to read old conversations we’ve had and jokes we’ve shared.
It’s a real help and keeps them alive in my memory