GREAT news everyone!
The Onion is hiring! For a bunch of new positions.
Sports Editor (yes, we're bringing it back): https://jobs.gusto.com/postings/the-onion-editor-sports-2654d87f-791d-45b4-8d66-43e97c7e6a0b
Entertainment Editor (going harder here too): https://jobs.gusto.com/postings/the-onion-editor-entertainment-731e1ba7-7c12-4212-973d-3382a029f688
And a Staff Writer (!): https://jobs.gusto.com/postings/the-onion-staff-writer-c6549d6b-10fe-4c9b-8dfb-b5bcd284b310
Apply or die!
The Onion is hiring! For a bunch of new positions.
Sports Editor (yes, we're bringing it back): https://jobs.gusto.com/postings/the-onion-editor-sports-2654d87f-791d-45b4-8d66-43e97c7e6a0b
Entertainment Editor (going harder here too): https://jobs.gusto.com/postings/the-onion-editor-entertainment-731e1ba7-7c12-4212-973d-3382a029f688
And a Staff Writer (!): https://jobs.gusto.com/postings/the-onion-staff-writer-c6549d6b-10fe-4c9b-8dfb-b5bcd284b310
Apply or die!
Comments
Write some headlines. It's good for the heart.
https://jobs.gusto.com/postings/the-onion-staff-writer-c6549d6b-10fe-4c9b-8dfb-b5bcd284b310
Dog Mistaken For Good After Hiding Evidence
Clusterfucks Merge Into Clusterpolycule
New Cyberpunk 2070 DLC Just Browser Tab Open To MSNBC
Yea ok. Considering
Not IN this. ABOUT this
Whatever
*takes shot*
you did what?!
People should still apply for these jobs though.
Secretary of Defense: Breathalyzer is Woke.
Roomie: You mean like that half written novel on your desktop?
Me: Shut it.
"Ya gotta do what ya gotta do", says Florida man after OF account failed to make people interested in alligator porn.
Don't answer that.
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“It’s difficult to not write satire.” 😂
Crap, I could only come up with 29. I'm out!
Some folks still can't do in office work on account the plague(s).
But can anyone REALLY replace Herbert Kornfeld in Accountz Reeceevable? RIP, dawg, pourin' one out 4 u
Like, I mean, really hard times, like when newspaper pictures of onions look good enough to eat times.
Not talking about best of times, worst of times, times, but really hard times. Thanks!
https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3llaasja3bs22
Going to move to Chicago to write or edit for you? Betray the Sexecutioner?
GTFOH
Honestly, I would love to be able to write about the news in the most unhinged way possible. It'd be kind of therapeutic. Do you hire Canadians? Lol
🍿😁
"Apply or we'll make your eyes water badly"?
Good work.
"We saw the pile coming in and decided to nope the fuck out."
Is this for the serious?
Because I've been channeling my inner Zweibel lately.
Maybe I'll finally turn my life around with a dream job.
JESUS MAKES TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO NBA
In this position it will be my job to copy and paste legacy media headlines into Onion cover templates, since the real stuff is crazier than the stuff the Onion staff creates.