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aarendsvark.bsky.social
Broaching new frontiers in time wasting I’m a Midwest transplant to Seattle. I work for a non-profit law office, play ultimate a bunch, and am much more of a stereotypical dad than I’m comfortable with.
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How often do we think at least one of the Enterprise’s brigs was occupied by a crew member who’d gone hog wild in the holodeck?

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

One cheese pizza - basic Two cheese pizza - good Three cheese pizza - great Four cheese pizza - can you tell? Five cheese pizza - stop Six cheese pizza - it’s collapsing Seven cheese pizza - welcome to Wisconsin.

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

This is about John Fetterman, and true, but it's funny that seeing it out of context on the timeline I first assumed it was about Draymond Green and then was like "Draymond Green is not that tall."

submitted 17 days ago • 21 comments

Worried I’m not creative enough to ever make the Wikipedia list of inventors killed by their own invention.

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

“I’m the best at what I do, but what I do isn’t very nice,“ I say as I continue eating leftover taco meat while my family cries and begs me to stop.

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

Happy to be the bigger man and admit that mic’ing the rims was a good decision.

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

If you’re going to put out a sandwich board advertising “Full Contact Brazilian Ju Jitsu Classes”you may not want to abbreviate the name of the activity lest someone erase a J.

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

A thing I think the kids today are missing out on is infomercials. They have to learn how to hate a product and its spokespeople over 20 seconds instead of a full half hour

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

I’m grateful that after all these years, I’m still capable of wonder. Like about how good hot pepper relish is on a mortadella sandwich.

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

A frustration with the enshitification of google is that I can no longer find the answer to important questions like “How many people are killed each year diving into a pool where someone has suddenly drained all the water?

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

Stumbled across this metaphor while walking around Vancouver BC.

submitted 93 days ago • 3 comments

Wemby and Chris Paul thought they could outsmart the Skills Challenge rules and they got disqualified for it:

submitted 98 days ago • 4 comments

Going to cartoon happy hour and finding out they’re playing a full Wallace and Gromit short is easily the best news I’ve gotten this week. Note to self: stop following the disintegration of our nation and the timberwolves so closely.

submitted 100 days ago • 1 comment

Is there a sequel to “Caps For Sale” where the peddler is chased out of town for giving his customers monkey lice?

submitted 104 days ago • 0 comments

The way Tylenol can transform a child with a slight fever from a mopey sack to a frenetic muppet is really incredible.

submitted 107 days ago • 0 comments

I’d like to think Paradise City has since developed several walkable neighborhoods where cars don’t routinely drive through billboards at 140mph.

submitted 121 days ago • 1 comment

I make sure my video game characters get at least 8 hours of sleep so that they receive bonus XP, whereas the only bonus I get from going to bed at a reasonable time is I don’t feel like shit.

submitted 139 days ago • 0 comments

I had to install a new door handle today and the old one had a surprising number of spiders inside. Not sure if that’s why it fell apart, but they were definitely up to something.

submitted 146 days ago • 0 comments

Thanks to the use of anti-caking starches, pre-shredded cheese is often inferior for cooking but superior for quickly eating by the fistful.

submitted 148 days ago • 0 comments

This German meme was just brought to my attention and I feel obligated to reshare it here Frohe Weihnachten

submitted 151 days ago • 98 comments

Are there any movies where a snowman doesn’t come to life?

submitted 151 days ago • 0 comments

Like the fennnec fox or the koala, I receive all the water I need from my food: peanut butter pretzels.

submitted 156 days ago • 0 comments

I wonder if I could even manage to foul Giannis.

submitted 158 days ago • 0 comments

I find it really hard to understand how THIS is the inhuman incident and inhuman reaction that shows civilization in decline, unless you accept the notion that some lives have value and others don’t.

submitted 163 days ago • 217 comments

It feels like the Reese’s R&D team has gone completely around the bend. A giant peanut butter cup filled with reese’s pieces. Knockoff butterfingers. Peanut butter popcorn. Where does it end?

submitted 164 days ago • 0 comments