cranberrysmith.bsky.social
Normal man Cranberry motherfuckin Smith.
171 posts
51 followers
52 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter
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Thank you. I really am honored!
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Opening the marriage.
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Awful. Don't they know you can only leave your grandparents in hot cars?
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Come on, man, I'm running a chair and rope business. Please be considerate.
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Bobby better be careful before Hank gives him the proPAIN.
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Come to my house. I'll whip up something that'll make you never want food ever again.
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Clearly, she didn't smell his balls hard enough.
I would've done a THOROUGH check if I could.
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No, but John Paul Jones Jr. might...
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He ended up pussing out and now I'm all alone out here in the cold.
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IBS: Internal Bureau of Shit
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One of those gemini demon babies, are you?
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Yes we can!
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So you're the guy who was leaving dead goblins in my backyard pool?
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I agree (lying)
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Fuckin traitor probably deserved it! My grandfather fought to keep peepee and poopoo jokes out of this family-friendly humor nation!
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Who could joke at a time like this?! You know what's NOT funny? My dad making me dig a tunnel under the house when I was 12!
So until he dies, no one is allowed to laugh!
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Idk, probably stuff about the weather and the economy and how tasty vomit is.
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Oh boy!
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Hopefully he picks up what I put down for him:
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Okay buddy. You keep paying for cigarettes like an NPC, while I get my nicotine fix for free LIKE A BOSS.
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Man, maybe I shouldn't have stolen all those beer balls and cool whip cans earlier today.
But I also really enjoy not paying for those things, so idk... but I think I might just do it again tomorrow.
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Beans. And maybe water.
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Fuck yeah. Now where's the tool that shoves beers down my throat for me?
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Wait, you mean to tell me women don't get pee all over the toilet seat and some on the floor? Next, you'll tell me no lady has ever left a turd in the women's urinals...
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I hate having to stand 5 feet back while I piss.
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He's actually training for his intergalactic afterlife battle to the 2nd death with Xenu.
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It's okay! Dogs need to soak their paws in coke when they're using the oxygen tank. I took a semester in veterinary work.
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He still does. I met him once, and he shat out a bag of coke just for me!
He's kinda cool until you bring up Buzz Lightyear.
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I still have my dog because everytime my ex-wife got near it, it would either try to bite her or piss on her leg.
I love my dog. Sure, he's actually a man from the internet I pay to pretend to be my dog, but he's still a good boy.
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I cannot fight.
I am a mediocre at fuck.
But I am an expert at running away like a coward.
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Do you think the Cinco de Mayo fairy will accept Chipotle Mayo instead?
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I let my dog clean my hands after I eat ribs, so I think I'm good.
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Me when my house is haunted by dead gooners.
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But sometimes it's actually a shart and then you have to leave your underwear behind in the airport bathroom.
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Something about eating a nasty chili dog before sex sends a bad chill up my spine. He's probably got bodies buried in his backyard.
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What do I need to eat to obtain the fattest ass on earth?
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Oh, are we cooking your mom meth?
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Admitting that some fetal sludge sitting in the Planned Parenthood dumpster was the only thing that could ever love you is something.