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ficklenuts.bsky.social
Same Jess, different app. All my bullshit: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:xc73spbj6e5skmp2nskqqgtw/feed/aaah42pkk2ssg Greatest shits: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:xc73spbj6e5skmp2nskqqgtw/feed/aaah46shdwmiw
1,538 posts 2,731 followers 1,098 following
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Posts 41 Comments 8

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

When I was a kid people said I was "gifted" and then when I was a teenager they were like "why are you wasting your gift" and now I think they're just happy I wear pants

submitted 2 hours ago • 10 comments

“come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove”

submitted 4 hours ago • 26 comments

I swear I’m not as stupid as my life choices would lead you to believe I am

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

if you really loved me you would put me in a giant hydraulic press

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Strongly disagree

submitted 3 hours ago • 21 comments

*goes to a party for the free snacks and to sit in the corner on my phone*

submitted 7 hours ago • 2 comments

[ Me, flirting ] “And so I really love the tang of a raw fish slurry.”

submitted 18 hours ago • 0 comments

Go away. I’m busy warming my hands on this dumpster inferno.

submitted 18 hours ago • 0 comments

My place can use a maid, or at this point maybe an arsonist.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

fuck me in particular, ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

The government faked Michael Jackson’s moonwalk.

submitted 42 days ago • 21 comments

Yeah, see, the other thing about "distraction" as a rhetorical device - assuming it's in good faith and not just an excuse to never do anything - is it assumes that when whatever the Real Thing is happens, it'll be announced by a cackling villain who pushes a big red FASCISM button on TV.

submitted 4 hours ago • 3 comments

please don't put the bugles on your fingers and pretend they are claws it scares me

submitted 5 hours ago • 6 comments

give a man a fish, he might put it in his butt. there's just no telling with dudes

submitted 6 days ago • 21 comments

Why does ren get his own fair, but stimpy doesn't. Kind of bullshit if im being honest

submitted 3 hours ago • 1 comment

I'm only into BDSM for the aftercare

submitted 9 hours ago • 3 comments

Ok freaks, I’m off to Jazzercise. I expect this place spotless when I return.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

The interrobang is the greatest punctuation of all time, and I won’t be convinced otherwise

submitted 5 hours ago • 5 comments

If you’re really lucky, the very soft cat will apply itself to your face

submitted 6 hours ago • 6 comments

me: you say your dog's a boxer? friend: yeah me: [eyes narrow] how does he put his gloves on?

submitted 6 hours ago • 11 comments

Can’t right now, I’ve almost figured out the key my tinnitus is in

submitted 8 hours ago • 7 comments

baby boom [exploding infant gif]

submitted 6 hours ago • 2 comments

I’ve been carpooling for three weeks and I’m really starting to miss crying in the parking lot.

submitted 5 days ago • 13 comments

Feed me chicken wings in bed like the Victorian gutter princess I was born to be.

submitted 6 hours ago • 17 comments

I avoid things mainly because I don't like things.

submitted 16 hours ago • 6 comments

I never had a skeet go viral, but there was that one that got itchy...

submitted 8 hours ago • 7 comments

Just shot lotion in my eye after my shower. Thought of you.

submitted 7 hours ago • 15 comments

Use my butthole like a piñata.

submitted 10 days ago • 15 comments

I had a dream that I went on a date with someone named Borts Jorts and that he got up and left halfway through the date because I said I didn’t want to dye my hair purple Fuck you, Borts Jorts!

submitted 17 hours ago • 11 comments

I respond to compliments in pretty much the same way a demon would respond to being baptized

submitted 18 hours ago • 6 comments

We're all dead.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

They’re mad at everyone except each other and they’re looking to commit crimes- atrocititties, even

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Saying “the girls are fighting” is actually a very sexist phrase please only use it if your titties are mad at each other

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments

First Date idea: Watch me play video games and scroll phones

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

A little bit hot, a whole lot of mess. 🩷

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Garçon, your finest chicken mcnuggets.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Not to make this weird but my cat has disinvited you from his quinceañera

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Why did the email making fun of the office weirdo go to everyone but me?

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

Oh so when fish slurry is used to make fish sticks you’re on board with it but if I want to drink it through a straw and call it a “Slushi” suddenly it’s a “crime against nature” and “an affront to common decency”

submitted 68 days ago • 4 comments

Them: Can you explain this gap in your resume? Me: that was just a pause for dramatic effect.

submitted 130 days ago • 3 comments