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jiminyspigot.bsky.social
AS SEEN ON THE INTERNET!!! Whirled famous, editorially codependent writer of silly things. Too normal for the weirdos; too weird for the normies. STL based for better or worse. He/him. (jiminyspigot just about everywhere)
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jiminy's animal reviews: This glittery nightmare fuel is known as a Bobbit worm (𝘌𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘈𝘱𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘰𝘪𝘴), which lives in warm ocean waters. There, it burrows itself into the ocean floor and waits to ambush passing prey. It can grow up to ten feet long, but only when it’s not cold. 🧵

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

they better let me keep one leg out when they cryogenically freeze me or i’ll never be able to sleep

submitted 22 hours ago • 15 comments

This is Tom and this is his house

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

Hello, and welcome to Bluesky! Today's episode is sponsored by Hobby Lobby. This weekend only, spend one hundred dollars or more and get a free stolen artifact!

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

Well, how can you be mad at this?

submitted 21 hours ago • 0 comments

jiminy's animal reviews: This is the numbat, and though it looks like an animal that changed majors from zebra to badger halfway through college, it is actually a marsupial from Australia. (1/3)

submitted 23 hours ago • 1 comment

Hey everyone. Snarfles says hello.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

"Computer, make me a kid-friendly, anime version of Starship Troopers." Funny how they never mention having AI do a CEO's job.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Hey everyone. Snarfles says hello.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Jesus was into fast cars and loose women. It's in the Bible. Look it up.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I've tried, and I can not find any law that expressly forbids training crows to follow elected officials around like omens of death.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

There’s a puka shell necklace in my closet that talks to me like the Green Goblin mask

submitted 1 day ago • 16 comments

Vanilla ice implies the existence of bdsm ice

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Hey, we couldn't help but notice you from across the bar, and we really dig your vibe. Can we buy you a drink?

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

It's amazing how a simple act of kindness can change my bad mood into a suspicious bad mood.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

We apologize for the recent behavior of the gorillas. Our sign language expert is going through a divorce.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

Goooood morning, Bluesky! Today's episode is brought to you by the FAA. Your flight is in God's hands now.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

The road to hell is paved That's good enough for ne

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

"Don't worry. We're gonna stall the prosecution for thirty days. Then the trial will expire." -Me, as a lawyer

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Once I get this cortisone cream on it's gonna be all over for you itches.

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

I can't wait until Fortnite runs out of anyone better, and I finally get a skin.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Making five cheese ravioli with four cheese pasta sauce and nobody can stop me.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

jiminy's animal reviews: Believe it or not, there is an animal hiding in this photo. Look really close and you might be able to spot this absolute master of disguise. It is called a lichen grasshopper (𝘛𝘳𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘹𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘴), and thankfully it doesn't understand sarcasm. (1/3)

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

So I forgot the word for pants today, and called them long sleeve shorts. I did it with so much confidence too, but then... I had realized my mistake. I’m educated I swear, but I have my moments.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

Pronouncing accoutrement like a cooter mint.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Anyone know how much it costs to hire a small, elite mercenary group capable of destabilizing governments and facilitating regime changes? Asking for a friend.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Please enjoy this ridiculously cute butterfly, which was about the size of my pinkie fingernail. It's in the butterfly family called metalmarks (Riodinidae). Males, like these, have reduced front legs and perch using only the rear 4 (females can use all 6). Sarota acantus; Costa Rica 🐙🌿 #insects

submitted 2 days ago • 40 comments

My day job just lost the grants that fund my position, just in case anyone is hiring any mad scientists Here is an outdated thing I will now be rapidly updating

submitted 2 days ago • 35 comments

Nurse: "Okay, I'm just gonna draw some blood real quick." Me: "Without any red crayons? Good luck."

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

When actor Wil Poulter passes on I will not be the first to make a Will Poultergeist joke. Not publicly.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

this is not my beautiful circus these are not my beautiful monkeys

submitted 2 days ago • 8 comments

One of the senators should do the “got your nose” gag on Linda McMahon while she’s testifying and see if she falls for it

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Good morning, Bluesky! Today's episode is brought to you by Tinder. If you're mad about our height filter, just lie about it like everything else.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

When you can’t sleep at night so you get up to have a snack instead that’s ins-om-nom-nom-nia

submitted 121 days ago • 13 comments

One fish One fish Two fish Three fish By, Dr. Fibonacci

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Fun fact: the song "Where's Your Head At" is about a person in a camouflage hat.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 3 days ago • 192 comments