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kaylaaaaaaaaaaaa.bsky.social
I'm feeling a lot of self-imposed pressure to make this bio funny. Oh well. Weird guy that lives in my house @obsidianshiv.bsky.social Stuff I wish was funnier: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ebb5yatpbzx4pgw2e2x7d4ny/feed/aaacgruahiijg
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I bet if you go into a black hole, there's spherical pizza in there, probably.

What if boobs had funny little mustaches

He stood before the cliff face, the shadows of his past weighed heavy on his heart as the river dove into the rocks below. *I could be one with the river,* he thought as the relief of death beckoned to him from the jagged stones. He looked down at his jar of cum. *why did I bring this again?*

Stoned thoughts part 7: I'd make a cute bumblebee.🤔🐝

[watching my bangers only get 7 likes] This is clearly because Bluesky is dead now and literally no other reason

Why aren't there any cool epidemics? Its always some new thing to kill us and not like an epidemic of minding your own fucking business.

My mom ran over my imaginary friend, Stephanie. I never told my mom because deep down, I wanted Stephanie out of my life.

My partner ate all the cookies and called it a snacksccident. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Life is the quicksand they warned us about as kids.

Pronouncing senate like karate.

Goodnight to everyone except people who prounce ambiance like ambiance.

Stoned thoughts part 6: Swimming/existing in water like a fish is probably just as cool as flying like a bird.

There's nothing sexy about a cuck chair. I have one, and the only action it sees is my cat self cleaning her gunt.

[buried in my grave] finally, i’m a landowner

How to eat a pineapple: throw half away first

Sparkling water is just slutty water.

Gushers are just slutty fruit snacks.

Peaches are just slutty apples.

Popcicles are just slutty juice.

If you're not following @kaylaaaaaaaaaaaa.bsky.social then fuck you. Im sorry. Im hungry. She's cool as fuck and funnier than me.

God knew I would be too slutty with a penis

Stoned thoughts part 5: Im a baked potato.

My husband: I wish I hadn’t gotten you that stupid blender for your birthday Me drinking 3 frozen pizzas: why

If she doesn’t want you at your pssspssspsss, she doesn’t deserve you at your “oh no! I bought an extra package of tuna!”

maybe hes born with it maybe hes cybernetically enhanced to be able to keep up with the ever evolving world

The joke’s on you birds. I wanted to wake up at 4:12am.

Sometimes I feel as if we’re all Schrodinger's cat.

I will peel a carrot or I will wash a carrot but no way am I doing both. Pastor: These are very unusual vows.

ANYONE: she is proud, arrogant and argumentative, her family is deeply in debt — oh and she *really* hates you MALE CHARACTER IN A JANE AUSTEN NOVEL: keep going… I’m so fuckin hard right now

Brings an IUD to a sword fight because I love monsters, ride knights, and still don’t get pregnant.

*Remy from Ratatouille getting stoned* But maybe thyme is just a social construct man.