kaylaaaaaaaaaaaa.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

kaylaaaaaaaaaaaa.bsky.social

I'm feeling a lot of self-imposed pressure to make this bio funny. Oh well. Weird guy that lives in my house @obsidianshiv.bsky.social Stuff I wish was funnier: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ebb5yatpbzx4pgw2e2x7d4ny/feed/aaacgruahiijg

611 posts 935 followers 324 following

Posts 30 Comments 20

‘slut era’ denotes that being slutty has a beginning and an end and i refuse to be constrained by timelines

submitted 141 days ago • 11 comments

dude holy shit the mayor of derp city just died in a tragic roflcopter crash

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

It’s always Whopper Wednesday in my heart.

submitted 6 hours ago • 4 comments

Stoned thoughts part 8: I fucking LOVE otters. That is all.

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

Metabolism. Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in years.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to take a clonazepam in case the first two don’t work out.

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

Hades walking Cerberus "STOP SNIFFING IN CIRCLES AND JUST TAKE A SHIT ALREADY"

submitted 11 hours ago • 1 comment

Baked some cookies shaped like veiny cocks and now I don’t have to contribute to the next PTA bake sale.

submitted 11 hours ago • 6 comments

My wife is going to do one of those spinny ballet moves on my balls and spit in my mouth later. Wish me luck.

submitted 5 hours ago • 1 comment

Thinking about getting into ballet* *drinking until I have the spins.

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

Felt like i should post this on bluesky. Don't know why.

submitted 5 hours ago • 42 comments

I'm never going to be hydrated enough for this world

submitted 10 hours ago • 4 comments

Spotify: We noticed you've recently had a breakup. Would you like to hear a playlist algorithmically calculated to destroy you? Me: Yeah man fuck me up

submitted 186 days ago • 3 comments

The 'is it cake' trend has gotten out of control. I just want to make one phone call, but my cake phone is covered in ants.

submitted 8 hours ago • 0 comments

It's called quiche because "egg pie" sounds like something you'd look up on urban dictionary

submitted 8 hours ago • 2 comments

My tarot cards said you love me

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

Eating a low-calorie, high-protein diet is the worst combination of wishing you could eat while simultaneously wishing you could stop

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

"want to see my legendary wondrous item?" me, flirting during D and D

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

Why I don’t trust rhubarb: 1. It’s just stems, and they look chewy. 2. What’s with that shady silent “h”?

submitted 8 hours ago • 10 comments

Do I hate capitalism? Hell yes. Do I participate in it? Absolutely. I buy myself stupid little things in a desperate attempt to fill the gaping hole where my emotional satisfaction should be.

submitted 8 hours ago • 1 comment

I've never done Crank, have never been interested. But general consensus is that's the first step to building a functional time machine.

submitted 1 day ago • 9 comments

Whats a girl gotta do to be struck by lightening and put out of my misery?

submitted 8 hours ago • 1 comment

once every decade or so we should all be allowed administrative control of our memories, enabling us to delete the extraneous lines of code, the bugs, the latent catastrophic viruses also that time we hooked up with Kevin the ornithologist and he orgasmed in birdsong

submitted 9 hours ago • 15 comments

my brother and his wife won’t let me babysit anymore just because we don’t like the same nursery rhymes look bro Mary Had a Little Lamb is fine but it doesn’t slap like Head Like a Hole

submitted 11 hours ago • 4 comments

the government isnt functioning properly why do i have to

submitted 118 days ago • 5 comments

horse girl that tries ketamine to make sure it’s safe for her horses

submitted 14 hours ago • 3 comments

Cats be like, “ I want you pet my face so hard my eyelids pull back far enough that you can see my brain stem. Also, if you lightly caress my stomach I will do war crimes to you.”

‘slut era’ denotes that being slutty has a beginning and an end and i refuse to be constrained by timelines

dude holy shit the mayor of derp city just died in a tragic roflcopter crash

It’s always Whopper Wednesday in my heart.

Stoned thoughts part 8: I fucking LOVE otters. That is all.

Metabolism. Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in years.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to take a clonazepam in case the first two don’t work out.

Hades walking Cerberus "STOP SNIFFING IN CIRCLES AND JUST TAKE A SHIT ALREADY"

Baked some cookies shaped like veiny cocks and now I don’t have to contribute to the next PTA bake sale.

My wife is going to do one of those spinny ballet moves on my balls and spit in my mouth later. Wish me luck.

Thinking about getting into ballet* *drinking until I have the spins.

Felt like i should post this on bluesky. Don't know why.

I'm never going to be hydrated enough for this world

Spotify: We noticed you've recently had a breakup. Would you like to hear a playlist algorithmically calculated to destroy you? Me: Yeah man fuck me up

The 'is it cake' trend has gotten out of control. I just want to make one phone call, but my cake phone is covered in ants.

It's called quiche because "egg pie" sounds like something you'd look up on urban dictionary

My tarot cards said you love me

Eating a low-calorie, high-protein diet is the worst combination of wishing you could eat while simultaneously wishing you could stop

"want to see my legendary wondrous item?" me, flirting during D and D

Why I don’t trust rhubarb: 1. It’s just stems, and they look chewy. 2. What’s with that shady silent “h”?

Do I hate capitalism? Hell yes. Do I participate in it? Absolutely. I buy myself stupid little things in a desperate attempt to fill the gaping hole where my emotional satisfaction should be.

I've never done Crank, have never been interested. But general consensus is that's the first step to building a functional time machine.

Whats a girl gotta do to be struck by lightening and put out of my misery?

once every decade or so we should all be allowed administrative control of our memories, enabling us to delete the extraneous lines of code, the bugs, the latent catastrophic viruses also that time we hooked up with Kevin the ornithologist and he orgasmed in birdsong

my brother and his wife won’t let me babysit anymore just because we don’t like the same nursery rhymes look bro Mary Had a Little Lamb is fine but it doesn’t slap like Head Like a Hole

the government isnt functioning properly why do i have to

horse girl that tries ketamine to make sure it’s safe for her horses

Cats be like, “ I want you pet my face so hard my eyelids pull back far enough that you can see my brain stem. Also, if you lightly caress my stomach I will do war crimes to you.”

I have no friends. It’s so nice

Dingus rhyming with cunnilingus is why I write the best love poems.

More like you shook me for 7 minutes long, am I right ladies?